Headlines 050612

Headlines 050612

It’s Sunday, time for Cranky’s silly headlines and my stupid, sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.   

New York City mulling happy-hour ban – City officials believe a happy New York minute should be sufficient.

Elderly sisters, ages 94 and 93, fight off armed carjacker in New Jersey - Sergio Fernando Solórzano-Vasquez, armed with a knife got his ass kicked by two old ladies!  I just love this.  Way to go- Sergio Fernando Solórzano- Vasquez;  you win PUSSY-OF-THE-YEAR!!!

Water Guns Banned, Handguns Allowed at GOP Convention – Bullets don’t scare Republicans, but watered down rhetoric….?  

Pettitte says he might have misunderstood conversation with Clemens about human growth hormone –Ex-Yankee pitcher says,  “Roger is a pretty serious guy, now that I think about it he might have said Humor growth hormone.”

Sheriff's deputy fired after making inmates dance to Usher song – Usher? That is cruel and unusual punishment!

Students Suspended For Hugging – They claim they were starting to prepare for their oral exams.

Pottery reportedly given to Goodwill may well be prehistoric – Sure Goodwill takes used stuff but prehistoric?  Come on.

Mysterious origin of Solomon Islands’ dark-skinned blonds revealed – Clairol…Hello!

‘Loch Ness Monster’ ordered to leave Wisconsin river – Monster following defective GPS took a left at Glasboro and ended up in Wisconsin river by mistake.

Spirit bows to pressure: Airline CEO to refund dying veteran's fare – Now that the horses have left the pen, might as well close the gate….ASSHOLES!