Get Out Of My Head!

 

Get Out Of My Head!

 No, this is not about a battle over bathroom time on a small boat, this is about Mrs. C and I at home.

Mrs. C’s mind and mine are often on the same wave length.  This is probably not uncommon for couples who have been together for a long time, but we have had this phenomenon from the first day we began dating.

While watching a movie on TV:

(Simultaneously)

“Where do I know that guy from?”

“Where do I know that guy from?”

“Get out of my head!”

“I don’t know, but it will come to me.”

Ten minutes later.

“Leave it to Beaver?”

(Simultaneously)

“Gilbert!”

“Gilbert!”

“Get out of my head!”

This happens all the time.

Just this morning when I realized it was going to get real hot in the afternoon, I set the air for 80 and went upstairs to close all the windows.  The plan was to turn the air to 75 when the sun goes down and then later open windows for the night air. 

As I reached the bedroom, Mrs. C called out,

“Can you close all the windows and set the air for 80, it is going to get hot today.  We can turn it to 75 when the sun goes down and then later open windows for the night air.”

“OK, good idea!”

 (Thinking) “Get out of my head!”

Like I said, this happens all…the…time.  So much so that “Get out of my head” is a running joke.

And yet.

We are challenged when it comes to Mrs. C giving, and me understanding directions.

From the kitchen yelling upstairs:

“Kare, where is the left-over chicken from last night?”

“In the fridge.”

“I know in the fridge, DUH, where in the fridge?”

“On the shelf.”

“There are four shelves!”

“The second one.”

“Second from the top or second from the bottom.”

“Yes.”

Yes what?”

“Second from the bottom.”

“I don’t see it.”

“It’s in the clear Tupperware.”

“The clear Tupperware has potatoes.”

“The other clear tupper…never mind, I’ll get it.”

She comes downstairs.

“Right here, behind the clear Tupperware with potatoes and under the blue Tupperware with the peas!...

And don’t tell me my directions suck!”

“Get out of my head.”

 

 

WET BLANKETS

 

WET BLANKETS

 

Just when I think I am done with this blogging thing, something hits my anger bone and I have to vent.

What is it with people that are so anxious to let you know that your good news might not be what you expect?

A person who is getting married:

“I am so happy, I just got engaged!”

“You know, marriage is not always what it is cracked up to be, and 40% of all marriages end up in divorce!”

Why thank you so much, isn’t that helpful information.

Why do people do this?  Why must they take the wind out of someone’s sails? What do they expect in response?

“Oh, thank you very much for that information, I guess I’ll just call the whole thing off.”

Just found out you are pregnant.

“I am so happy; I am going to have a baby!”

“You know babies are a lot of work and they are expensive, diapers, braces, college and don’t expect to get much sleep for the next few years.”

Great information and so helpful.

Here is another one I personally experienced a few years ago.

“Finally, after so many years I am retiring!” 

“Oh, you know retirement is not all it is cracked up to be.  What are you going to do with yourself and all that free time?  Maybe you could volunteer for things.” 

I got this kind of helpful advice from several people.

Not really that helpful, especially as my retirement was not actually voluntary.

By the way if any of those dopy-downers read this, Retirement is FRIGGIN GREAT!!!

What is wrong with people that they can’t wait to throw a wet blanket over anyone’s news.

News flash: (I hate that opening, and yet here I am doing it)

Most people that are getting married have given it some thought.  If you think they are making a mistake, it is a mistake that they are going to make with or without your big mouth so S…T…F…U!

People that announce happily that they are having a baby have given it some thought and they are happy.  Your big mouth is not going to send them to an abortion clinic, so S…T…F…U!

Most of the working world looks forward to retirement, they have thought about it and planned for it with great expectations…in what galaxy is your frigging comment going to be helpful?  S…T…F…U!

Most people are aware of the possible downside to any event in their life, and most times the event can not be reversed. 

Here is a suggestion for when you are told of any such event.

“That is wonderful, I am so happy for you!”

Otherwise just S…T…F…U!

I feel better already.

 

 

 

 

Suburban Wild Kingdom

 

Suburban Wild Kingdom

The Cranky’s live in suburbia.  There are some woods and a river a half mile away, but our townhome is in the middle of roads, grass and a few trees and bushes.  It is a pretty area, but seemingly not a place for a wild life expedition.

A few years ago, we had a squirrel family in our eaves.  We got rid of them and shored up their entrance.  It was not that big a deal.  Well, it was a pain in the ass, but it wasn’t scary or anything.

Last year we installed some ring cameras around the home.  We did this as there were some car break-ins and also, attached units can be creepy.  With the ring we know that the sound in the living room is actually the neighbors closing their door loudly.  All our entrances are monitored by the ring.

I know there is the occasional skunk outside.  Not by the ring, but by the nose.  The ring camera once also recorded a fox.

A month ago, there was a raccoon on the deck that set off the ring camera.  It was a cute little thing.

The other week my neighbor told me there was a family of raccoons in his attic.  Climbed up a tree to the roof and made a home in their attic.  They made noise at night and their defecation and urination was making a stink.  Not such cute little things.

The next night there were two opossums on our deck.  I have had them in a previous home basement.  Not such cute little things.  I figured his attic family was actually opossums.

Anyway, the neighbor had Orkin Pest Control come out to rid the creatures.  They could not trap them, but they put a contraption on the entrance that would let them out but not let them back in.  Last I heard they were gone, but the stink remains.

Tonight, I decided to bbq a nice steak.  Mrs. C is at Disney World with her son and daughter-in-law, so I enjoyed a nice bachelor glass of port and a good cigar while warming up the grill. 

I finished my cigar and port and left the grill to get the steak.  On my way into the house there appeared a large raccoon right behind me.

Near scared the bejesus out of me.  I yelled and banged the deck floor.  Mr. Raccoon was not bothered in the least.  He did not attack, but he did not back up either. 

I have read that raccoons are not to be fooled with.

• Raccoons are formidable creatures. They have sharp teeth and claws, and the strength to inflict significant harm. There are many accounts of children, and adults, being disfigured by raccoon attacks. They are also known to inflict wounds on dogs and cats, especially at night.

Plus, they are sometimes rabid…especially if you see them in the day, which this still was.

I scampered inside and slammed the sliding door.  The raccoon seemed interested in the door and what was behind it.  Yelling and banging did not disturb him one bit, which disturbed me a lot!

I closed the blinds and waited for the raccoon to leave.  When I thought the coast was clear, I ran out to the grill with my golfing eight iron for defense…probably should have had a four iron…shut down the grill and dashed back to the safety of my home.  I suspect he was hunkered down under the deck.

I grilled the steak inside on the stove, which set off the smoke alarm for about ten minutes (more excitement) and then finished it off in the oven.

The steak was delicious, but I am afraid to use my deck as I think that is where the raccoon resides.

I need to check with my neighbor for the number to Orkin.

Not to get political, but I never had these problems before Biden was President…well except for the damn squirrels. *

*Just joking, probably not his fault.