NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Saturday, May 29, 2021

STUPID HEADLINES 053021

 

STUPID HEADLINES 053021



 Tesla shorts are having a much, much better year than in 2020 – Cars, rockets, tunnel digging machines and now shorts?  Does it take a genius to make shorts?  What…oh selling stock short…never mind.

Alabama lifts 27-year yoga ban in public schools – Finally you allowed to do downward facing dog for 27 years.

Japanese bullet train driver takes bathroom break as train cruises at 90 mph – Whizzing while whizzing.

Kim Jong Un bans mullets, skinny jeans – Because the mullet is a stupid funny looking hairstyle.  And skinny jeans, because they’re skinny!



Anti-mullet anti skinny

Cougar breaks into Washington man's home, passes out in kitchen – Older women these days…shameful…what, a REAL cougarnever mind.

Maryland candy store is selling chocolate-covered cicadas: 'Inundated with orders' – I think the orders are “PLEASE STOP!!” Those things are disgusting.

Utah woman's headstone has her fudge recipe engraved on the back – The best used-by date is EXPIRED.

Kate Middleton receives COVID vaccine – And this is news because?

Doctors afraid of losing license, being sued if they don't affirm patient self-diagnosis on gender – I’m confused by this gender stuff…does being sued mean going from a Bob to Sue?

Baltimore students who failed classes this year will still pass – They also get a small plastic trophy and a juice box!

 

FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK

After scouring the internet for several days, I regret that there are no Feel-Good news stories this week!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, May 27, 2021

Who is Right?

 

Who is Right?

 

There is a lot that bugs me these days, but I shall refrain from complaining as every comment only pisses off half of anyone that reads this blog.  

I do not want to be cancelled!

What can I write about without hurting someone’s feelings? Covid…I don’t think so.  LGBTQ…no way.  Crime…probably not.  Race relations…asking for trouble.  Religion…no.  Politics…HELL NO!

Wait, I’ve got it, my go-to.  I can make fun of Mrs. C!

That’s right, I recently learned a new Mrs. C weirdoism.  Readers of this blog know that Mrs. C does not scoop her pudding, she dips.  They know that Mrs. C says scroll up when she means pull the scroll bar down.  They know that she hides cookies and other treats from me under kitchen towels.  They may know that she does not like to walk on sidewalks.  Well, I have a new one.

Today as I was getting ready to play golf, I buttoned my pants and the pulled up the zipper.


“You should zip first, then button!”

“What? Why?

“When you zip, it makes it easier to button!”

“But when I button, it makes it easier to zip.”

“Buttoning is hardest, you should zip first.”

“I have been buttoning and then zipping my whole life and never found it to be an issue.”

“You should try zipping first, then you would know what you have missed all these years.”

“Missed?  It is not an issue; I find it easiest to button first.”

“Your wrong.”

“Yeah, like I’m, going to listen to someone who dips and does not scoop.”

“Jerk!”

Come on people, why would anyone zip first?

 

Tuesday, May 25, 2021

A Coronavirus Semi-rant

 A Coronavirus Semi-rant


I thought this post from last March was interesting in contrasting the situation as we were just learning with what we now hope is the nearing of the end of the feking tunnel.  Also I love to re-rant at the ass-hats who were not worried as it was mostly effecting us old folks.

I did not want to post on this virus thing, it is too depressing.  I have not gotten it so far, but yeah, it is hitting me. I have lost a boat load of money that may or not be recovered in the months to come.  I have finally learned how to convert the ten-pin spare and my bowling league has been put on hold.  My gym is cancelled and I’m advised that at my age I should stay home anyway.  Mrs. C’s dance studio had a major event cancelled and she lost a lot of money and her boss lost a lot of money times 1000.

Wah, wah, wah.

Actually, I’m fine and thankful that I am.  For now, I am just hunkering down and thanking god I quit smoking years ago and am in pretty good shape.  I really feel for all the people who are losing their jobs and wages.  I feel sorry for all those that are extra vulnerable to this virus.  Most of us will survive the virus, economic recovery for many will be long and painful.

I think closing bars and restaurants and events is a good decision.  With any luck we may see things start to turn in the right direction in two or three weeks.  Maybe this thing will be seasonal…one can hope.

I do have two major complaints where I am compelled to vent.

Number 1 – Shut up with the politics for crap sake.  Stop pointing fingers and STFU.  There will be mistakes made, there will be excellent decisions made.  There are people working above and beyond for the good of all.  When this thing clears up, then do a recap and you can be a Monday morning know-it-all Quarterback.  Until then, can we for just this one thing all pull together?

Number 2 – I actually read where some of the snot nosed spoiled little prick millennials who seem to be mostly immune to this virus are calling it a “Boomer Remover!”  Very clever you worthless little shits.  My response to anyone so crass to say such a thing is FUCK YOU!

Boomers are your parents, your grandparents, your teachers, and many are the very people working to find a vaccine for this and other diseases that someday you may be more susceptible to catching.

Stop partying, stay away from crowds, and wash your feckin hands.  I know it is only a very small number of assholes with this attitude, but it only takes one thoughtless little shit to infect hundreds.  Those hundreds may infect more hundreds and tie up the hospitals.  When you need the ER because your drunken partying ass gets in an accident and there are no rooms or doctors to help you recover, then maybe you will realize we are all in this together one way or another.

In summary, together we can make it through this and when we do, let’s all do what we can to help those less fortunate in weathering the storm.

Until then, wash your hands, separate from crowds and stay safe.

To any millennial who thinks “Boomer Remover” is a funny name for this virus, please tell me when this is all over. This 74-year-old Boomer is jonesing for a nose to bust.

Ok, now I feel a little better.