Old Friends

 

Old Friends

Cranky / Frog

This is not my first post on my friendship with Frog.  Today I saw something which illustrated our differences better than any thing I could ever explain. 

I have been friends with Frog since High School.  We were not close friends in High School, but we did have some history.  Frog was the only one who knew of my secret (two day only) talent of whistling through my nose.  We both snickered quietly as the stealth nose whistle baffled the notoriously disagreeable study hall monitor Mr. Barns.  Mostly we became friends when we both went to the same college.

Frog and I are not like two peas in a pod.  We do not go together like peas and corn.  We are not alike at all.

In High School, Frog was the Manager of the Football Team…I was Captain.  Even today I complain because that bastard would not give me a new pair of shoe laces. 

“Chriminentlies Frog, I was Captain for gosh sakes!”

“Coach said one pair per player.”

Frog got into our college because he was smart.  He had like 1500 on his boards.  I barely made over 1000 and have no idea how I was accepted.

Frog dated lots of young ladies in College and was somewhat successful on the base-path ..sort of... (if you get my drift).  Best I ever got was an intentional pass.

Maybe the only thing we have in common is wives.  I’ve had three, Frog has had three, though in all fairness, one should not count…long story.

Somehow, we have always remained friends.  Frog actually has about a zillion friends, I have maybe six on a good day, but Frog is the only one who would get up in the middle of the night and drive a few hours if I needed help with something…I think, maybe, well for sure no one else would.  I would do the same for Frog…I think, maybe…probably.

Lately we do have one thing in common, Guitar.  We are both trying to play guitar and occasionally try to play together.  This is difficult as Frog was once an engineering student and he believes in counting.  I believe in slamming those chords as the mood strikes me.

After his attempt at engineering, Frog decided his real love was history.  He got his Masters and was one dissertation away from being Doctor Frog.  I believe a woman distracted him from that dissertation so the world never saw a Dr. Frog.

Anyway.

Today I visited Frog to attempt to play a few musical pieces together and perhaps actually start and end a song strum for strum.

It was during this visit that I saw something that completely sums up our differences and puts an accent on the improbability of our friendship.

You can learn a lot about a person from his bathroom reading material.

Here is what you find in my guest bathroom:

WEIRD NJ

A compilation of weird stories and sights of the great state of New Jersey.

 

Here is what I found in Frog’s guest bathroom:

The Constitution of the United States and selected writings of the founding fathers.

Who the Hell reads that shit?  Especially while they are, you know...

Frog does.

I may have to reconsider this friendship.

Gypsy Moths

 

Gypsy Moths

The Gypsy Moth is an invasive insect that feeds on and eventually kills valuable hardwood trees.  Around 30 or more years ago, they were very prevalent in the North East.  News reports warned that trees would die, birds would not fly, and the end of life as we know it was imminent.

Well, they were pesky.  

Driving down major highways, every tree seemed to be covered by large white gypsy moth cocoons.  Stores sold sticky tape that people (myself included…hey, I’m a people) wrapped around their own trees to stop the caterpillars from climbing up and killing their trees.

I’m not sure when, but seems like after a few years the moth scourge subsided.  Trees survived, birds still did fly, and life as we knew it was pretty much the same.  I often wondered what stopped the gypsy moth infestation.  Was it something like the Seventeen-Year locust thing?  Would they come back periodically?

I recently noticed that trees were again showing those white cocoons indicating perhaps the moth was making a comeback.  I did some research and found:

A population of gypsy moths will exist for many years in low densities. When the population enters the release phase, it rapidly expands to the outbreak phase where the population size will rise several orders of magnitude and fall back within only a few generations.

Well, that explains it…damn here we go again.  Trees will die, birds won’t fly and…

WAIT!

Upon further observation I realized those destructive cocoons were not really from the gypsy moth.  They were from Shop-Rite!

That’s right, the cocoons were actually those white plastic bags that stores hand you with every purchase from a pack of gum to assorted groceries.  People toss them and the wind carries them off and they get stuck in trees.

In New Jersey, ecologists and politicians are calling for an end to these plastic bags.

Count me in!

PROVE IT!

 PROVE IT!

On the theory that a re-run is better than nothing I submit this post from 2016

I often hear unusual facts that are accepted simply because some expert declares it to be true.  I am a skeptic, I demand proof.

It is a commonly claimed fact that incredibly enough, no two snowflakes are alike.

Come on!  In all the years, in all the snow storms throughout the ages you mean to tell me no two flakes have ever been exactly alike?  How does anyone know that?  What scientific principle determines no two flakes are alike? Philosophers claim that if you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, eventually one would write a great novel.  So am I to believe that a monkey can write a novel, but no two snowflakes are ever alike?  I don’t believe it.  As a matter of fact, last year I had two snowflakes that I am pretty sure were identical, but before I could prove it they melted.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?  Many people say no.  So a monkey can write a book, and no two snowflakes are ever alike, but a falling tree does not make a sound if there is no one around to confirm it?

If the early bird catches the worm, does the late bird starve?  What if all the birds are early, do they peck each other to death fighting over that damn worm?

Opposites attract: Yes, but they also often beat the crap out of each other.

A shark can smell a drop of blood from a mile away.  Now how do they know this?  I expect sharks have a great sense of smell, but I don’t think they can smell a single drop of blood from a mile away…PROVE IT!

Only female mosquitoes bite.  They can’t possibly know this.  I’m pretty sure I got bitten by a well hung mosquito just this summer.

Violence on TV and movies makes people violent.  I’ve watched tons of violence on TV and movies and I hardly ever kill someone afterwards.

Scientists claim certain animals mate for life, geese for instance…I think some of them cheat.

An elephant never forgets.  Really, how much do they really have to remember? I don’t think they even have passwords.

History has demonstrated many times that experts can be dead wrong. 

When we sent a satellite into space and took a picture of the Earth, what do you know, the Earth is round!

In the early 1960's experts told us the Earth was headed for a new ice age. I think that one was wrong.

In the 1970's experts said we would run out of oil by year 2000. Apparently the markets believe we are swimming in oil.

I am a skeptic, I say prove it.  This is possibly why I did so poorly in high school science.

*Last time around a few readers thought I was a science denier.  First of all my intent is for humor, secondly, science unchallenged results in stunted learning and less scientific growth.  Thirdly...lighten up!