When it is OK to Be Judgmental

When it is OK to Be Judgmental

I recently found this post while cleaning out my Documents File.  I don’t think I ever posted it.  I checked and could not find it on Blogger.  I probably thought it too mean spirited at the time.  Today I am feeling just cranky enough to post it.

I hope I don’t upset and lose any on my 17 readers with this post, but I feel it makes a fair observation.

There are some things and or habits that it is perfectly OK to be critical of, and even be rude to others who have specific behavior, then there are other habits or behavior that it is unacceptable to berate anyone for.

Smokers: Smokers have a choice to smoke or not smoke and therefore it is perfectly OK to confront them and berate them for their choice.  It is apparently acceptable to confront a smoker and tell him “You know that is killing you don’t you?” Or when outside, “Why do I have to suffer from your second hand smoke?”

Now as an ex-smoker I must admit I do not like the smell, but instead of hating on the smokers, I feel sorry for them.  I know that this “Habit’ is in fact a very powerful addiction. Some studies say it is possibly more difficult to break than heroin.  Currently smokers can basically only smoke in their own home.  Smokers pay about $6 a day in taxes, and suffer health issues.  Why is it OK to hate on them?

Drug Addiction: On the other hand, drug addicts, often the dregs of society, sometimes hooked because of the rampant prescribing of pain pills are treated better than smokers.  People simply step over sidewalk sleeping addicts.  I never hear of someone going up to a drug addict and saying, “You know that stuff is killing you don’t you?” Or “Why do I have to step over and or smell your sidewalk feces?”

People are not rude to drug addicts, they pity them…not sure what the difference is, but smokers are despised, drug addicts pitied.

Fat people: Almost all fat people are addicted to sugar.  You think it is glandular or hereditary?  Just look at old films of the early 1900’s, zillions of people in NYC hustling back and forth, not a one is overweight.  People are overweight because they are sedentary and addicted to sugar.  I fight the problem myself.

Does anyone ever go up to a fat person and say, “You know that weight is killing you don’t you?” Or “Why do I have to smell your sweaty body odor?” No, they do not.

 Drunks: I have been to a million parties where there are obnoxious drunks and they are seldom called out on it.  Drunks are tolerated, sometimes even encouraged even though they are really obnoxious…and yes I have been guilty of this in the past.  Seldom are they told “Shut the F up, you are obnoxious and making a fool of yourself.”  Next day drunkenness is often a thing to brag about.  “Man, I was sooo waisted last night.”  No one ever tells them, “Dude you were wasted and you were an embarrassing pain in the ass!” And by the way, that stuff will kill you!”

These days I often hear women speak of “Mommies little helper,” and joke and brag about that glass of wine or two (three) they have every night.  They are never scolded, but truth is many of these women are alcoholics as bad as the man who has to stop into the bar every day after work.  It is a problem, but it is not acceptable to point it out.

Why is it sometimes OK to correct a person’s spelling errors, especially ones that are obvious editing mistakes, you know the ones even spell check misses, and yet those who use poor grammar are never corrected.

A person will say, “I had went to my mom house to be getting loaned some money” And never be corrected; but write a blog and use the word ‘isle’ instead of ‘aisle’ and you will be attacked and labeled a moron. 

If you told me that you love knitting, I would never say anything other than “That must be a relaxing hobby” Or “It must be nice to have a hobby that makes useful things.”

Truth is I think knitting is silly and I would find it incredibly boring…I would never say that, no one would.  (Please forget I just said it)

And yet.

It is perfectly OK and quite common for people to tell me that my pastime of TV watching is stupid and TV is horrible and boring. Or if I mention I love playing golf there are always people who have to volunteer that, “It is such a silly game chasing a little white ball around the grass.”

I am not complaining mind you…well actually I am, but mostly I am just curious; why is it socially acceptable to be rude or dismissive of some behavior while others are to be simply pitied and or ignored?

What Makes Old People so Cantankerous?

What Makes Old People so Cantankerous?

All old people are not cranky, or mean, or cantankerous.  OK, actually we are all cantankerous.  Why? 

Because we can be.

Why can we be cantankerous? 

Well, old people have no boss, we are retired.  What are you going to do, fire us?

Old people can stand up to younger, stronger people.  How? What are you going to do, rough us up?  Maybe, but then you’d be guilty of elder abuse and most people would be shamed…or just maybe I could whip your butt, maybe I know stuff.  Do you want to take a chance?  Getting a beat down from an old person would really be embarrassing.  Some of us can do things with a cane or walker that a ninja would admire.

We are cantankerous as we are not patient.  Old people do not have enough time to be patient, do not make us wait.  Not having time also makes old people tougher.  Threats to ruin my life do not carry the same weight as they do to a young person.  Ruin my life?  That window is closing fast.

We are cantankerous, deal with it, you don’t scare us.

Old people do not have to do or have anything.

“You have to have an I-pad.”  No, I don’t, I've done pretty well all this time without one.

“You have to see this movie or read this book.”  No, I don’t!

“You must visit sometime.”  No, I mustn’t.

We don’t have time for politeness…we are OLD!

Do not mess with an old person’s routine.  We turn in for the night at a certain time.  We wake up at a certain time.  We eat at a certain time.  We poop at a certain time.  If our times do not fit into your schedule…adjust; we ain’t changing.

Stop telling us we already did something.  We are just going to do it again anyway.

“You just locked the door a minute ago.” 

“Well I’m going to lock it again.”

“You turned the lights out an hour ago.”

"I still want to be sure."

We’re going to do it again anyway, why tell us we already did it?  We need to be sure and we don’t trust anyone.

When we don’t want to do something, it may be for a reason that is embarrassing.  Don’t argue.  Don’t push it. 

Maybe I don’t want to go on a long trip because I have to make a restroom stop every two hours. 

Maybe I don’t like password protection because I can’t remember passwords. 

Maybe I take the long way to the supermarket because I always get lost taking the short cut.

If our cantankerousness confuses you, let it be.  We are cantankerous because we can be, and it has taken years to earn the privilege.

A Working Fireplace

A Working Fireplace

Growing up, my family always had a working fireplace.  The fireplace was not used for heat, though it  gave off pleasant warmth.  The fireplace was not used for light, though it did give off a peasant ambient glow.  The fireplace was not used to cover odors, though the smell of a roaring fireplace did draw you in.

My first home did not have a fireplace.  For Christmas one year I constructed a fake wooden fireplace covered with brick print paper just to hang the kids stockings.  Looking back, it was pitiful.

Eventually we had a working fireplace added to our family room.  My next two homes also had working fireplaces.  Currently our townhome has a working fireplace in the living room.  

We never use the living room, we never use that fireplace.  We do use a family room in the basement where there is a gas “fireplace.”

The gas “fireplace” looks like a working fireplace.  It gives off warmth and lighting ambiance.   It starts with a flick of a switch and does not go out until you flick the switch to “off.”

The main difference between this fireplace and a working fireplace is this fireplace requires no work.  To many, especially young people, that is a plus. 

These people just do not understand the tradition of a “working” fireplace.

A working fireplace requires wood.  The wood has to be chopped and split, a testosterone pumping chore that only a man can appreciate.  Work is key to a working fireplace.  Even stacking firewood that is ordered and delivered counts.  Stacking delivered logs is not the same as chopping and splitting, but it does give a man that family protecting, testosterone producing high one gets from preparing for Winter.

Maintaining a working fireplace is much like hunting for meat.  Sure you can buy lovely steaks at Costco, but stalking, shooting and butchering your own steaks reaches back to the ancient DNA in our brain that kicks off the “providing for your family” endorphins that makes a man feel like a man.

I am not a hunter.  I used to get my manly testosterone endorphin lift from my working fireplace.  I do miss feelings from that experience, though at my age, I don’t miss the labor as much.

There is something about splitting wood, stacking wood, and admiring that property line defining stacked log fence that makes you feel like I suppose the pioneers of old felt.  A useful, family providing, family protecting feeling that just coming home with a pay check does not provide.

Men if you want your woman to appreciate you, she needs to see you providing and protecting.  She does not see you working at the office, so she can not appreciate all you do for the family.  If she sees you out back chopping and stacking wood, even though intellectually she knows she can just turn up the thermostat and flick a switch for heat and light, watching her man provide, kicks off some ancient female hormone deep in her DNA.

The process of starting and maintaining a working fireplace fire has the same effect.  It somehow makes a man think he is providing for his family.  A man takes pride in starting that fire, and keeping it going.  It is a whole process.  Using properly aged wood, how to place the logs, the type of kindling, all a part of the process.  Yes you could kick it all off with an acetylene torch, but that is just not the same.  When you need to tromp outside through a foot of snow to gather a few more logs it says as much to your woman as a delivery of fresh flowers.

Most new houses today are being built with convenient, common sense easy to use, flip a switch flame over fake ceramic logs fireplaces. 

They are great! 

They are not the same.