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Wednesday, April 10, 2019

German Measles


German Measles

The other day I was surfing the net, looking for Sunday Stupid Headlines and I saw this:


Kind of a funny story, except it happened to me.

A zillion years ago, an eleven-year-old future cranky old man was reading comic books.  One of the comics, perhaps a Little Lulu, had a funny bit about someone putting spots on their face to fake the measles and get out of school.

I thought this an interesting idea, and purely as a prank, as it was a Friday night and there was no school the next day; I mimicked measles spots on my face with Mercurochrome. Mercurochrome was a bacterium killing ingredient that was used on kids scratches instead of iodine as it did not sting.   (No longer used due to mercury poisoning or some such silly worry.)

Anyway, as a joke I told my mom, “I think I have the measles.”  As I had already had the measles, I figured she would laugh and then ask, “What have you done?”

Instead she assumed I had Rubella, or what we called German Measles.

She got panicky and immediately sent me to bed.  I did not want to go to bed as it was a Saturday.  Who wants to go to bed on a Saturday?  Also, my brother was scheduled to play that day in a High School Lacrosse all-star game.   Jim was a really good Lacrosse player and I was looking forward to this game.

I told my mom it was just a joke and washed the spots off my face…only they did not come off.  Soon I was feeling really crappy, headache and tired beyond belief…any bright lights were painful.

Talk about karma, I actually had come down with German Measles. 

I spent the next couple of days in bed with no lights and the blinds drawn.  I missed my brother playing in the all-star game, a big disappointment.

I do remember, that after that game my brother came up to my room with his then girlfriend, with a stack full of brand-new comic books and some candy.  Brothers don’t usually do nice things for each other, at least not for younger brothers, I was six years younger than Jim and generally a pain in his butt. 

I think maybe he was a little disappointed that I could not be at the game to enjoy his success…he was a damn good Lacrosse player, he played four years in college at Duke.

Anyway, it was kind of a funny story, karma kicked me in the butt, but left me with a fond memory none-the-less.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

STUPID HEADLINES 040719


STUPID HEADLINES 040719
UK man may be banned by judge from having sex with wife of 20 years – This is confusing…did this man ask the judge if he could have sex with his wife…did the judges wife have any say in this?

Bikini-clad bride weds groom in overalls, caps off wedding with roll in the mud – Why, yes, this was in Florida, why do you ask?

Walmart partners with Google for voice-assisted grocery shopping – Yeah, like any man will ask for help at a supermarket.

4th grader’s two-year plan: I want to make $3 million – I have a similar plan, only not quite $3 million, and I still have 50 years to get there.

Jussie Smollett's lawyer threatens Chicago, Rahm Emanuel if they go after 'Empire' star for cash – And the winner of this years “Nervy” goes to the nerviest* MF ever, Jussie Smollett!  Come on up Jussie, oh, and don’t trip in your noose.

Elon Musk explains reason for Tesla Model 3's mysterious cockpit camera – “Hey, I just like to look up rich women’s skirts!”

Study challenges health benefits of moderate drinking – Coffee good…coffee bad, carbs good…carbs bad, alcohol good…alcohol bad.  It’s enough to drive me to drink!

Confirmed: This Is How You Should Hang Your Toilet Paper – Original patent shows paper hangs over…apparently the inventor did not own a cat.

Video shows man allegedly stealing chainsaw, hiding it in his pants – Seemed like a good idea until a hot young lady walked by…now he won’t be needing a vasectomy.

Family finds hidden camera in Airbnb's smoke alarm – Probably in case there was a fire they would have it on tape…or…

Florida Man driving stolen Jeep returns to scene looking for lost cellphone – Good chance there was alcohol involved…alcohol and Florida, perfect together.


FEEL-GOOD STORY of the WEEK:

Nurse adopts girl who had no visitors during hospital stay – From really sad to FEEL-GOOD!


*Why I love spell check…as you may know I am a terrible speller.  I originally misspelled “nerviest” so badly that spellcheck could not offer me a correction.  I changed it to “most nervy” and spell check suggested “nerviest.”





Friday, April 5, 2019

TWEET THIS!


TWEET THIS!
I have a Twitter account.  I’m not sure why.  I thought it was just the thing to do.  I even tweeted a tweet or two.  No one seemed to care.  Why would they or should they.  I have not visited my account in months.  I would have to guess at my password. 

I don’t get Twitter.  Why does anyone follow a Kardashian, or a Trump?

 If someone famous has anything worth reading, it will be in the news, why bother to follow?  If you follow a movie star, how many people do you follow?  If people read every tweet from everyone they follow, do they have time to do anything else?

Please do not try to explain it to me, I really don’t care.  If you like Twitter, have at it.  Apparently, the newest thing is Instagram anyway.  Don’t explain that to me either.

My real reason for talking about Twitter is the ridiculous way the news uses Twitter.

I recently read a story where McDonalds in Australia advertised a McPickleburger as an April Fools joke.  The news claimed that Twitter exploded with people who wanted a McPickleburger and were pissed when it turned out to be a joke.

Paleeze!  Twitter is not an accurate poll of how people really feel.  If the people who tweet opinions on a McPickleburger are anything like the people who comment on news stories, these are not normal people.  They are lonely angry people who have no friends so they turn to the internet to feel like anyone gives a flying poop about what they think.  Unfortunately, the media, grasping for stories often does give these basement dwellers a voice.

When any famous person makes a statement of any kind on any subject, the statement will be tweeted on.

This is how the media reports on it:

Charlie Smoot, CEO of “FRIZ THIS” just tweeted, “Our new Frizbee is ‘The Bomb’!”  Twitter exploded with comments that the tweet was in poor taste:

BasementBob99 to SmootFriz1 “OMG dude this is sooo offensive.”

IMAFENDED202 to SmootFriz1 “The bomb?  Really, my uncle was killed by a bomb!”

JACKAS12 to SmootFriz1 “I will never buy another Frizbee from your company…BOMB THAT!”

Smoot deleted the Tweet minutes after it was posted, but it was too late.

There were some people did not find the tweet offensive:

Unemployed77 to SmootFriz1 “I like your Frizbee, bomb or not, LOL.”

Who are these people?  Why does the media care? 

Maybe it is because they don’t have to take polls on their own or interview real people, they just go on Twitter and cherry pick tweets that will fit their agenda.

My suggestion…STOP WITH THE TWEETS!!


RT - Yes, I know the President tweets all the time, and yes, I know that some of you hate the President…that has nothing to do with this post!  If you have a political point to make, tweet it.  I don’t care one way or the other.