JUST REACH IN AND GET IT…PLEASE

JUST REACH IN AND GET IT…PLEASE

Going back to that "One Happy Island" soon so this re-run is from April 2014

I get it women…men can’t find anything we did not ourselves put away.

Deal with it!

You could stop complaining and just deal with it.  But nooo…you want to torture us don’t you, kind of like ripping the wings off a fly.  Yes you do, admit it.  You know we can’t find the stuff you put away.  You know your directions of where to find stuff that you put away can only be understood by another woman.  Yet you continue to expect us to find things.  It is like expecting a person without legs to dance the jig.

This past weekend, Mrs. C and I were vacationing in Aruba.  It is a beautiful island, and we love lounging in the sun with a constant warm breeze, dunking in the ocean, or bathing in the pool.  It is wonderful, except Mrs. C knows how to stir things up.

I got up from our place in the sun to make a trek to the restroom.  Upon arrival I find I need a room key to enter.  I walk back to our umbrella (oh the humanity) to get the key.

“What’s up, why back so soon?”

“You need a room key to enter, where is our key?”

“In the beach bag.”

“Could you just get it?”

“Why don’t you get it?”

“Because you could just reach in and grab it, where I will dig around looking, move stuff around and still not find it.”

“Oh please.   Just open the bag, the key is right behind the book.”

“Book?  We have no book.”

“You know, the Tablet, Nook thing.”

“Which is it, the Tablet or the Nook?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, one of those.”

“We have both…oh crap let me look…I don’t see it.”

“It is right there.”

“I don’t see it.”

“For crying out loud hand me the bag.”

Mrs. Cranky reaches into the bag that I have been turning inside out and without looking comes out with the room key.

“Here, it was right inside the plastic baggy.”

“But you said it was in the Nook, or the Tablet.”

“Well it was inside the baggy, if you had just looked you would have found it!”

“Well if you had just reached in in the first place like I asked I would have had 180 seconds of my life that is now irrevocably lost.”

“You’re a jerk!”

Aruba is such a beautiful island that I can easily overlook those minor Mrs. Cranky unpleasantries, besides, without her I would have never even found the island. 

Stupid Headlines 041518

Stupid Headlines 041518

It Is Time Again For

Now that is a great paint job!

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

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Moose kicks man in Alaska -- after he kicked first – “Did not.”  “Did too.” “Mom! The moose is touching me!”

Florida woman caught with cocaine in purse blames it on windy day, police say – So the wind blew the blow though the window…God I love Florida!

Los Angeles painting city streets white in bid to combat climate change – I’m not saying this is racist, but it might be a slippery slope.  If I was an African American in LA I’d be concerned.

Georgia man sues former boss after butt dial costs him his job – Not really stupid, I just think the term “Butt Dial” in a headline is funny.

Florida 'supermom' of 16 homeschools kids, shuttles them to 88 sports practices weekly – Do NOT sell a gun to this woman!

Queen Elizabeth cracks joke about Trump, Obama – I read this story…she should probably not quit her day job.

Risk of Zika infection through sex may last only a month – 29 more days to go…

Susan Lucci, 70, says she's 'too shy' to wear a bikini – That should be two shy. *

Divorce is an epidemic that causes as much pain as any disease – The only thing worse is spending your life with someone that makes you miserable!

Lou Diamond Phillips can't drink for two years following arrest in Texas – Isn’t there some rule against cruel and unusual punishment?

Woman set ex-boyfriend on fire after inviting him over for Easter dinner – One more reason to not break up with a sticky note.

THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:

Hero Woman Saves 20 People From A Factory Fire – WOW!

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/hero-58-year-old-woman-saves-20-factory-workers-from-a-fire/

*Sorry, that was a cheap shot, it’s been a tough week for stupid headlines.

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Come Back Next Week For More

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!

 

Can’t Live With Them, Can’t live Without Them

Can’t Live With Them, Can’t live Without Them

A cranky opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with no credible knowledge on the topic opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome, but they are wrong.  As always, please, no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid-head!

No, I am not talking about women, I am talking about experts…ok, maybe the same thing…most of the time.

We need experts to make decisions because we can not be knowledgeable in all things.  Generally, your doctor knows best; your mechanic knows best; your investment advisor knows best; your teacher knows best.  RELAX, I said GENERALLY!  In fact, that is the point of this rant opinion.

We rely on experts, but sometimes experts are wrong.  Doctors make errors in a diagnosis.  Mechanics change parts that are not broken.  Investment advisors recommend buying Enron.  Teachers…well, teachers are always right.

So, Cranky, what are you saying, ignore experts?

No, but examine the source, examine the motive, examine your own good sense.

When it used to be possible to discuss politics, the first argument I usually faced was “Experts say…” or “Studies have proven…” or “That has already been debunked!” End of discussion!

Maybe, but…

A very close personal relationship to me was a consultant for a firm that had contracts with the Federal Government.  He once told me that when given an assignment as “Expert” consultants to study an issue and make recommendations, the first question they asked their client was, “What is the conclusion you are expecting to find.”

That is just human nature (and good business).  If an environmental group pays for a survey about rising temperatures, odds are data will be collected in a way that supports the theory on global warming.  I am not suggesting that theory is wrong, only saying that “experts say” and “surveys have proven” need to be taken with some degree of skepticism.

Experts told Columbus that the world was flat.

Experts once told pilots that if they were losing altitude they should pull the plane’s nose up.  This seemed to make the most sense, but it caused the plane to go into a tailspin and crash.  Turns out that heading down creates speed and increases lift increasing altitude, so controlling altitude on a plane is not always cut and dry.

Similarly, when government is running a deficit it makes sense to raise taxes to increase revenues.  Sometimes that puts the economy into a tailspin.

OK, I am not an expert on flying or economics and I am not even sure if the world is in fact round.  I am just advocating thinking about and not just always accepting expert conclusions.

I like sports analogies.

In the world of Track and Field high jumpers were first taught to jump over a bar like a hurdler.  Soon someone started to get over the bar with a “scissors kick” technique.  All future jumpers were taught this technique by “expert” coaches.  Then some wise-ass used a different technique called the “California Roll” and the scissors kick was out. 

Sometime in the sixties a high jumper named Fosbury started setting records with a style that had him go over the bar backwards and landing on his back.  Experts warned against this technique saying it was too dangerous.  Other jumpers heeded the warning until Fosbury was so successful and did not get hurt, that they ignored the experts.

Today if you wanted to learn the high jump all the experts would tell you the only technique to use is the “Fosbury Flop.”

A fact is only an assertion that has not yet been disproved.  An expert opinion is pretty much the same thing.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.