Why I Can’t Watch Todays TV Shows

Why I Can’t Watch Todays TV Shows

Now which one is Laura and which is Lori?

Maybe I’m just old.  Maybe I’m stupid.  Maybe today’s actors, writers and directors suck.

First the characters in shows today all look alike.  Even mothers and daughters look the same age and have the same hair color and hair style.  To make things even more confusing all the names are similar…Laura, Lauren, Ben, Bob, Rob, Marylou, Maryann. 

Who can tell who from friggin who?

If all this confusion is not enough, some acting genius has decided that whispering is dramatic and dramatic is good….except now along with not knowing who is friggin who, we don’t know what friggin who is saying to who!

OK, I have learned that if I really concentrate and turn the volume up to 73 I can hear the dialog and keep track of who is who most of the time, so…the directors have added a new wrinkle to shows…jumping forward and back in time.

A typical show today starts off with several characters who look alike whispering dialog that you can’t hear and just as you think you can figure out what is going on they jump ahead 15 years and when you almost get used to the plot they go back 12 years.  To fully understand what is happening 15 years ahead, it requires knowing facts from 15 years back which they do not let you know until after time jumping several times.

Finally, if you are really paying close attention to the time frame, the look-alike characters with the same sounding names, and have the volume turned up extra high, it all comes together:

“OH, so Sally was really Sara’s twin who was married to Ed, Edith’s brother and Susie was the bastard daughter fathered by Ernie the gardener who is Sally’s husband Ernst’s doppelganger.  Finally, it all makes sense!”

No wonder I prefer re-runs of “Leave it to Beaver.

Almost A Genius

Almost A Genius

Mrs. C is almost a genius.  I’m not sure what the definition of genius is.  I say it is any extraordinary ability that cannot be explained by anything other than an innate talent that less than .0001 percent of any other person who ever lived has demonstrated.  It is also an unexplained ability that serves some useful purpose to mankind.

Mrs. C’s mind works in wondrous ways.  She notices things that no one else ever notices and she remembers things that no one else would remember.  She has an innate talent that less than .0001 percent of any human has ever demonstrated.  Unfortunately, her talent serves no useful purpose to mankind.

Genius?  Just a little bit short.

If I move a piece of paper on the table by just a minuscule amount, she will notice.

“What were you looking for downstairs?”

“What?”

“Last week’s receipt from the grocery store was moved…what were you looking for?”

“Ah, my keys…and HOLY CRAP, how did you notice?” Amazing, but of no use to mankind.

The other night we were watching “Wheel of Fortune”.  Mrs. C remembered the contestants.

“This is a re-run, I remember the dude with the long hair.”

OK, nothing remarkable about that.  Then at the end, the dude with the long hair won and was going for the big money…plus he had the MILLION DOLLAR slice.

When the letters of his final puzzle were put up they were

_ _ G E

_ _ _ OR

Mrs. C immediately blurted out, “HUGE FAVOR!”

She was correct.

“Did you know that, or did you just remember it?”

“I’m not sure.”

Then Pat Sajak opened the prize and it was $34,000 not the one million dollars.

“The million was with the “stars” in the wheel.”

She was correct.

“I guess I just remembered that too.”

Amazing, but of no real use to mankind.

Mo Money

Mo Money

I paid lots of money to be a published author.  For my first book, I received royalties of $57 in one year…nothing since.  My second book brought in $36 the first year it was published.  That was four years ago.  Since then I have received nothing.  I believe the publisher will not cut a check for less than $25.

Yesterday I received this:

Apparently in the last four years I have sold close to ten books.

I am so proud and excited.  If I sell only 925 more books I will break even on my investment.