Ceilings

Ceilings

In my continued effort to make something interesting out of an innocuous subject because I have nothing else, and as an exercise in writing, today I have chosen ceilings.  How did I pick this topic?  As I was contemplating I looked up and saw…that’s right the ceiling.

My first thought in slapping out a bunch of words on something no one could possibly be interested in was,

“What the heck is ceiling wax?” 

You know, in the Rolling Stone’s “Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown”

“Your father's still perfecting ways of making ceiling wax.”

That line always confused me, so after some 50 years I finally looked it up.  Guess what?  I am an idiot…it’s sealing wax, wax for sealing stuff!  Anyone else as stupid as me?  Come on, it’s ok, were all friends here.

Anyway.

Ceilings.  Next thing that comes to mind is painting ceilings…the worst.  Painting a ceiling is sure to give you a crick in your neck, sore-ass shoulders, and paint all over you face.  Hire a pro!

Popcorn ceilings used to be all the rage and then suddenly they are passé and need to be stripped and repainted.  Personally, I still like them, but then I also like lima beans and fruitcake.

200 words…not enough. 

Damn ceilings is a tough one. 

How about those glass ceilings that women want to break through.  I have never seen a glass ceiling.  Do they even exist? If you broke through one wouldn’t you be headed down? If you could break through one on the way up, you’d be Supergirl, and who wouldn’t hire Supergirl?

Phew…ceilings are boring. 

In the basement, we have a drop ceiling.  I installed one of those once.  Not fun; when a piece of those things breaks off they turn to powdery itchy stuff.

I guess I have nothing more…wait, what about mirrored ceilings?  Now that could make things more interesting, but I’ve reached 300 words.

I’m done, use your own mirrored ceiling imagination. 

I’m going to Lowes to ask what kind of wax they recommend for a popcorn ceiling, maybe that will get me some legitimate post material.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

SOCKS

SOCKS

That’s right, socks.  I have no idea what to write about socks, but following a post on tuna fish, how bad can it be.  Maybe the topic will turn off those unexplained zillions of hits from Russia I keep getting.

Hey Russia, it is too late; our election is over and there is nothing of any value at all in hacking my blog…did you ever read about tuna fish?

Anyway socks; here goes:

We all wear them, we all lose them one at a time in the washing machine or dryer.  Hmmm, what else?  They come in colors and pure white.  I find the pure white to be the most comfortable, and colors look just wrong with shorts…unless you are a German tourist and wear sandals.  

Here is something; today’s socks stay up.  I remember when socks used to slip down, be very uncomfortable and look bad.  My dad actually used a sock garter thingy to keep his socks up, I don’t believe I ever sunk that low.

Some men shun the use of socks altogether.  I don’t like that look, plus your feet sweat and smell without socks. I think gay men tend to go for the no sock look, I figure gay men’s feet don’t sweat.

In my mind, the only thing worse than dark socks with shorts or no socks are those cut off things that women wear playing tennis.  To my mind, wearing socks cut off to your ankle might only go well with a skirt.  I don’t look good in a skirt, trust me.

Actually I don’t much care what socks I wear.  My sock preferences all stems from early dating.   Most men’s fashion sense is a direct result of comments made while dating.  Other men never make fashion comments, that is unless they wear loafers without socks. 

It was a date that told me white socks with a suit was a bad look.  It was a woman who complimented me on a pair of argyle socks.  It was a woman who mocked me for wearing those same argyle socks with a pair of Bermuda shorts.

So, my rules: White sweat socks for casual and with shorts, color with dress up, preferably a color that does not clash with the outfit, shoes, except sandals absolutely require socks, cut off socks are only for a man who is completely comfortable with his masculinity, and cut off socks with a pompom in the back should have you deported to Gilligan’s Island.

Tomorrow my post will be on…wait, come back…don’t unfollow!  I’ll have some real stuff after Christmas…maybe.

TUNA SALAD

TUNA SALAD

I am at a loss for material lately.  Well, it is the Holiday season, lots of people don’t have time to read blogs anyway.  I am going to experiment.  Out of the blue I have decided to post about tuna salad.  No reason, just an experiment to see if I can write anything interesting about a random, boring topic.

Here goes:

Mrs. Cranky works several nights a week and I am left to my own devices for dinner.  Often, I have left overs, sometimes I grill steak, chicken or pork.  Sometimes I just have breakfast for a dinner, grilled cheese or pasta are other choices. 

Then there is tuna salad.  Even mentioning it makes me think of an old Jackie Gleason skit where Alice serves him tuna fish.  Apparently, he was served it a lot. 

“Tuna fish! TUNA FISH!! I work all day long for TUNA FISH!!”

That’s as much as I remember from the skit.  I know it was funny, and every time I make tuna salad I hear that rant in my head.

As it turns out, I make a good tuna salad. 

Two cans of “Chicken of the Sea” packed in water (drained of course), add lemon juice, salt, pepper, chopped celery, tomato, and mayo.  Simple enough but then I mix in a secret ingredient.

Tuna in the can often has some unusual dark colored weird textured parts.  Probably just dark meat, maybe something that should not have been added in the packing process.  I don’t like to think about it, and I am not about to separate anything from the can because I am too lazy and also afraid to find out what a dark colored weird textured part really is.  My solution to the problem?

Raisins. 

That’s right, my secret ingredient is raisins.  They not only camouflage any mistakenly added ingredient from the packer, but they also add a nice texture and sweet flavor to the salad.

There you are, a 300+ word post on nothing.  Boring? Probably, but a post non-the-less.  Not controversial, not interesting, not funny, but it is a post, and maybe some of you will try adding raisins to your tuna salad.

Tomorrow…socks.  Unless I come up with something better.