Bathroom Renovation – day one

Bathroom Renovation – day one

Monday was day one of our guest bathroom renovation.  Monday was demolition day.  Everything went smoothly until around 1:00 when the contractor had to shut off the water. 

The shut-off valve did not close completely. 

I was in the basement when they were shutting down the water.  There seemed to be a problem.  The boss came down and started clinking on the valve; it did not seem to be working.  I left the room as I really don’t like to hang around people working.  People generally do better work when the owner is not watching like a hawk.

Around 1:30 Mrs. C called me to come down stairs.  There was a problem and I might want to make sure nothing was wrong.  I went down to our finished basement to find the valve blown off the water main pipe and water was gushing uncontrollably and running over the slow draining slop sink.  Three workers were running a bucket brigade from the pipe to the sump pump on the other side of the basement.  There was an inch of water on the floor slowly creeping into the finished part of the basement.  I first saved my guitars…there was little else of value in danger.

The boss was shopping for a shut-off thingy to stop the problem but was having little luck.  They claimed everything was under control.  Mrs. C disagreed and called the town water company to turn off the water from the street.

Twenty minutes later the water guy came and shut off the water.  An hour later the boss showed up with the necessary parts to replace the broken valve.   Three workers were soaked and were near exhaustion from the bucket brigade process.

To give credit where credit is due, the workers did a terrific job of minimizing the damage, and the broken valve may not have been their fault (but it probably was.)  We may need to replace a carpet which should be covered by the insurance I have paid for 40+ years and never made a claim.  All is well, but there was some real excitement at the Cranky house for a while. 

We were a little fortunate in that the sump pump operated for over an hour and did not burn out, and the floor was pitched correctly so the French drain was efficient.

After all was repaired and the water dude came back to turn on the water, Rick the supervisor said to the water dude,

“I’m just glad that the shut off from the street worked.”

“Wait a minute, you mean sometimes the street shut off doesn’t work?”

The water dude answered, “Oh yeah, these old hook ups snap all the time.”

“Crap, what happens when they snap?”

“Then you’re really fucked!”

This was information I’m glad I didn’t know at the time.

I guess we were pretty lucky after all.

Shopping for Tile

Shopping for Tile

Nice, but maybe a little 1950?

Our townhouse has two bedrooms, and two and a half baths.  Several years ago we did the master bath and the half bath over.  New tile, new cabinets, shower, floor, mirrors and fixtures.  We are happy with both. Before renovations they were borderline disgusting.  We are left with the guest bathroom which is not border line, it is genuinely disgusting.

After two years of squirreling away money we are ready to make the final bathroom as nice as the others. 

Today we shopped for tile and fixtures.  If you are looking to make your head spin, try and pick out tile patterns for floor, shower. accent and backsplash.  There are about 20 million possibilities.  Truth be told, I really don’t care that much about what we finally pick, but it makes Mrs. C happy to think when we make a choice that we are both on the same page.

Actually I do care a bit, but only because some of the picks Mrs. C considered were so hideous and or expensive. 

Men, what do you do when your wife chooses a décor that you absolutely hate?  I’m am not an expert in many things, but I have some helpful tips on this topic.

First, never just say you hate it.  Women generally think that if a man hates anything to do with décor or fashion, that it must actually be stylish and tasteful.  The exception to this is if a gay man dislikes something, then a woman immediately assumes the style or décor must be unfashionable.  Most women automatically defer to a gay man when it comes to fashion.

When asked for my opinion on something that I do not like I draw on my “Say Yes To The Dress” experience and use gay code language to voice my objections.

EXAMPLE:

What do you think of this pattern for around the tub?

I hate it!  WRONG.  She will now want that pattern. Try again.

What do you think of this pattern for around the tub?

Hmmm, I like it, but do you think it is a little busy? BINGO. Women hate “Busy.”

Do you like this color?

No! It is way too blue.  WRONG.  Get used to blue.

Do you like this color?

I like the color, but it is a little too kitchen-like.  BINGO.  No one knows what kitchen-like really means, but if she uses the color, every time she sees it she will think of that comment, she will never use that color.

What do you think of this tile?

It’s nice, but it is kind of expensive. WRONG…in spades!  Now she really wants that tile and she is pissed off at you because you are cheap.

What do you think of this tile?

It’s really nice, but I’m not sure about the texture, and it may be difficult to clean. BINGO.  This tile is toast and you are respected for knowing about texture and even thinking about ease to clean.

They start on the bathroom soon.  The tile, fixtures and accessories may not be my choice, but they are all at least acceptable, and nothing is overpriced.

Hell, my choice would be a floor that looks like a football gridiron and wall tiles with the interlocking NY Yankee logo.

When it comes to décor, if you want your way, you must think gay.

YOUR BABY IS A SOCIOPATH

Your Baby is a Sociopath!

This cranky re-run is from September 2012

(A GRANDPA JOE OBSERVATION)

There is a common misconception that a child is born innocent, sweet and pure.  A spoiled child, an evil adolescent or a sociopath adult is the result of bad parenting.  Parents spoiled the child or taught him to be demanding and unsocial.  A grownup who is mean, evil, and has no regard for others was taught to be that way by poor parenting.

It is true that a sociopath may be the result of poor parenting, but it is not true that poor parenting creates the sociopath. Poor parenting fails to reform the sociopath.  The truth is that children from the time they are conceived are spoiled sociopaths.  Children have one driving instinct.  They have the instinct to survive.  They do not care who they hurt or what they break, they will do whatever it takes to eat, sleep and be taken care of.  They “love you” only because they need you.    

Mommy needs sleep?  I don’t care, “FEED ME!”  I broke that pretty glass thingy that mommy does not seem to want me to touch?  I don’t care, “FEED ME!”  I pooped my pants, “I don’t care.”  Something in my pants is uncomfortable, “I care, CHANGE ME!  FEED ME, CUDDLE ME, PUT ME TO BED! ME, ME, ME, ME!”

Your baby is a sociopath.  He was born a sociopath.  He cares not for others, he just wants!

Parents are not handed a lump of clay to mold into a loving caring human being.  They are handed a spoiled sociopath that they need to reduce to a lump of clay, and then rebuild into a loving caring human being while at the same time tending to his needs. 

This is a most difficult balancing act.  You must feed, clean and entertain.  You must respond to cries and whines, and at the same time be in control and be the boss.  You must put his needs above all others, be the provider and the protector and at the same time teach him to respect and care for others.  You must give him whatever he needs to survive.  You need to be ever diligent to jump up and protect him from the dangers of falling chairs and un-swallow-able interesting things.  You need to do all these things and yet somehow teach him that he will not always be the center of all creatures’ attention.

This is a most difficult assignment and the source of much parental frustration.  It is particularly frustrating if you think you are ruining a perfect human being.  It is important to realize you were handed a spoiled sociopath.  It is ok to not love everything about this sociopath. 

It is up to you to un-spoil and socialize this little creature before he is set loose on society.

Because

Your baby is a sociopath!