Some Personal Thoughts

Some Personal Thoughts

My brother sent these to me.  I’ve seen some before on blogs, Facebook or elsewhere, but all are good and I saved them for a blogging rainy day.  Oh look, it’s raining!

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds.  Only 15 to go.

Ate salad for dinner!  Mostly croutons & tomatoes.  Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce.  And cheese.   FINE, it was a pizza.  I ate a pizza.


How to prepare Tofu:

  1. Throw it in the trash.

  2.  Grill some Meat.


I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.


I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.


A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.


Kids today don't know how easy they have it.  When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.


Senility has been a smooth transition for me.


I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented....I forgot where I was going with this.


I love being over 70.   I learn something new every day.......and forget 5 others.


A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.


My dentist told me I need a crown.  I was like:  I KNOW, Right?


I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PICK THAT UP?

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PICK THAT UP?

This cranky re-run is from April 2013

The other day I was in the kitchen with Mrs. Cranky.  Now keep in mind, I do my share of work around the Cranky house.  I vacuum, I sweep, I am the bathroom cleaner, I do the dishes and I empty the dishwasher.  I am the grill master. I don’t do windows.  Anyway, the other day I am in the kitchen with Mrs. Cranky and she says to me:

“When are you going to pick that up?”

“Pick what up?”

“Look at your feet.”

“Yeah!”

“Don’t you see that?”

“See what.”

“Oh my God…LOOK, right by your feet!”

I look down at my feet and sure enough there is a gubba*

“When are you going to pick that up?  It’s been there for three days?”

“Well if you have been seeing it for three days, why didn’t you pick it up?”

“Because I wanted to see how long you would just keep stepping over it and never pick it up!”

“But, if I didn’t see it how would I pick it up?  What is worse, my not seeing it or you seeing it and waiting for me to pick it up?”

“How could you NOT see it!?**

“How could you see it and NOT pick it up!?”

“Cause I wanted to see how long it would take for you to see it!”

“Well now you still don’t know cause you pointed it out to me.”

“Well are you going to pick it up?”

“You saw it first, you pick it up!”

“But it’s your mess!”

“How do you know it’s my mess?”

“Because if I drop something I know it!”

“Except when you drop something and you don’t know it.”

“You’re a jerk!”

The Gubba remains today in that same spot on the kitchen floor.  No one will pick it up.  Yesterday Mrs. C vacuumed around it.  This summer the ants will probably clean it up…that is if it is something edible. 

I don’t know what it is…it’s a Gubba!

*Gubba – any tiny stupid unidentified thing which serves no apparent purpose is a “Gubba.”

http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2012/11/its-gubba.html

**!? – Emphatic question.

Stupid Headlines 041716

Stupid Headlines 041716

It is time again for

The EPA needs to get on this right away!

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  

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America's richest men live 15 years longer than poor men – Politicians demand graduated dying along with graduated income tax to make things fair.

Bible makes list of books most challenged at libraries, public schools – Well it’s got all that begatting and ‘eye for eye’ stuff.

Young women are asking for (and getting) more pay than men – So after three federal laws attempting to correct gender pay discrimination it turns out all you have to do is ask!

Wife set sleeping husband on fire, investigators say – Now that is a real “Wake Up Call!”

Governor wants parts of North Carolina rights law changed – I’m not sure how I feel about this; I guess I could go either way.

Australian dad arrested for buckling up beer, not kids – “Foster’s” it’s Australian for “save the beer, screw the kids.”

US reportedly has plan to arm moderate Syrian rebels in case cease-fire fails – Will the real “Moderate Rebels” please stand up.

Former Mr. Met calls it a 'slap in the face' that the team denied him an NL Champion ring – Dude…you danced around with a giant baseball puppet head!  Pretty sure the team would have won without you.

Mr. Met

'Sesame Street' Afghanistan unveils first female Muppet – Who knew there was a ‘Sesame Street’ Afghanistan? Do start they show yelling “Open Sesame?”

10 Of the Most Deadly Snakes In The World – OK, the first four are easy, followed by rattlers, cobras and then I’m stuck.

Minnesota speeder caught doing 171 mph on Highway 61 – Caught? I want to know what the heck the cop was driving.

Ted Cruz looks for Wyoming sweep – Oh, this is ridiculous, I don’t know about the infidelity rumors, but I’m pretty sure that…what…oh, sweep…never mind.

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Come back next week for more:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!