RETURN OF THE KELPFISH HATERS CLUB

RETURN OF THE KELPFISH HATERS CLUB

Small Catalina kelpfish

When I was just a young grade schooler, my family lived in Southern California.  My father made a good living, hell he should have, he worked hard and was a friggin genius give or take an IQ point.  Dad bought a 32 foot cabin cruiser and on weekends we often motored out to Catalina Island which was an island paradise 26 miles from Las Angeles.  It took most boats a little over an hour to get to Catalina.  It took us over three hours.  Pop made a good living, but not brand new Chris Craft good.

Catalina Island has Chrystal clear water.  You can see the bottom from 30 foot depths and with a looking glass device placed in the water the ocean becomes your own giant aquarium. 

Fishing in these conditions is very interesting.  You can actually watch the fish look at, sniff, ignore or take your bait.  When we were moored in a cove on the island, my brother Chris and I often fished off the stern of the boat.  We hoped to catch some of the larger fish we saw, especially a large multicolored grouper type fish we called a sheepshead.

Catalina Sheepshead

We generally used pieces of rock lobster or chunks of abalone which were leftover’s from dinner.  The rock lobster and abalone were caught skin diving by my oldest brother Jim and my dad. Like I said, this place was an island paradise.

While fishing from the stern of the boat, my brother and I could watch the fish ignore or take the bait.  The sheepshead were cautious and before they would take the hook, kelpfish would come in and steal the bait.  Kelpfish were skinny little brown fish that were plentiful, voracious, and difficult to catch but they were good at stealing the bait.  They were not tasty and we did not want to catch them.  We actually tried to pull the hook away from them when they came to the bait, but still they sometimes grabbed the hook.

Kelpfish were virtually all we would catch.  The sheepshead were interested, but the sight of a hooked kelpfish would make them too wary to go for the bait.  Chris and I hated the kelpfish. 

We started the “Kelpfish Hater’s Club.”

As members of the club, when we did catch a kelpfish, we cut it up and threw it back as chum.  In retrospect, this was not very nice.  Hey, we were young and we hated kelpfish. 

We left California and returned to the east coast in 1955.  I don’t think my brother and I ever fished together again.

Last year, I posted my “Bucket List,” ten things I want to do before I kick it http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2014/12/bucket-list.html.  I think I have completed two of ten.

The very first item on the list was to catch a billfish.  This is a pretty unlikely item to complete as chartering a boat in an area where there are billfish to catch is a little out of my financial comfort range. 

It is within my brothers comfort range.  Chris has done well financially, thanks to hard work, brains and a passion for the law. 

Now my brother is not a spendthrift, in fact in many ways he is quite thrifty.  I was once with him while he made a small purchase and the cashier shortchanged him by one cent.  He told the cashier of the error and while they were sorting out the transaction an impatient lady behind us butted in and said,

“What difference does it make, it is only a penny!”

Chris calmly turned to her and said, “The difference is it is my penny!”

(I love that story!)

Anyway, though he is thrifty, Chris is also generous and when he does do something, he does it right.  Not long ago Chris called me up and said he remembered my bucket list.

“In March Chris (his oldest) and I are going to Costa Rico.  We’re chartering a boat and fishing for sailfish.  If you can make it, I want to see you cross one thing off your bucket list, and if he can get the time Mike (my oldest) is invited as well.”

So in March, we will reconvene the “Kelpfish Haters Club” with two new members.  I hope we do not catch any kelpfish.  Any sailfish we catch will be released intact, unlike the kelpfish of days gone by.

Needless to say, I am very excited, because in March,

We Be Gone Fishing!

VACATION NICKEL AND DIMING

VACATION NICKEL AND DIMING

One thing that really bothers me about vacations is when resorts try and nickel and dime you. 

The first thing that gets my dander up (giyp) is internet charges.  Why do these places charge you for internet access?  Starbucks gives you access for free.  Lowes gives you access for free in their parking lot, why won’t motels and cruise ships give you free internet access.  Hell they don’t charge for TV, they don’t charge for towels, they don’t charge for the swimming pool and they don’t charge for soap, shampoo and conditioner.  Why do they charge for the internet? 

Ok, all those other things they do charge you for, they just include it in the total room charge package.  So why don’t they do the same for internet access.  I’d rather pay a little extra for my room charge than sweat out the minutes I use the internet because they are ripping me off.

This one really threw me for a loop.  At our stay in Vero Beach, a Disney Resort, before we took the ship to Cozumel Mexico and then to Key West Florida, there was a nice pool, and a beach.  The weather was a little iffy, so there was not much do.  They did have a nice little miniature golf course.  Mrs. C and I like mini golf and would have played several rounds, except…They charged ONE DOLLAR TO PLAY!

I know what you are thinking, what is one dollar when you are paying so much more for a vacation.

Exactly.  What is one dollar to Disney?  It is insulting to pay so much for a stay in the resort and to have to pay another dollar just to play mini golf for ten minutes.  

We did not play mini golf.

The Disney Resort does however provide free internet. The cruise ship wanted a fortune for access.

Some of you may be thinking, 

“Crap Cranky, you are on vacation first in Florida, and then on a luxury liner to Cozumel Mexico and Key West.  Both nice places, and a cruise ship is also pretty dang nice, why are you complaining about charges for mini golf and the internet.  What a Douchebag!”

The answer to that is simple.  I am cranky! I also may be a bit of a Douchebag!

Mrs. Cranky’s Peccadilloes

Mrs. Cranky’s Peccadilloes

Mrs. Cranky has many peccadilloes.  I won’t mention them, they are too silly.  I would not tell you how she cannot wear glasses, not even the 3-D glasses they give you at the movies.  I would not mention and embarrass her with a description of her watching said movies while holding the glasses up to her eye, but never actually wearing them.

Some people might find it strange for a person to prefer walking on the street rather than walking on a sidewalk.  Some might find it strange for a person to eat pudding by dipping and not scooping.  Is it strange that a person likes cooked spinach in ravioli, but will not eat it otherwise?  Well, I think so, but what do I know.

Anyway, of all Mrs. C’s strange peccadilloes, perhaps the strangest is that she puts up with me, so I am all for her peccadilloes.  I must say though, that on our recent cruise to Cozumel and Key West she floored me with a new one.

Before disembarking at Key West, we had to pass through a customs check, I guess because we had stopped off previously at Mexico.  We were required to report to deck 4 at 7:30 with our cruise card and passport. 

Before we left to see the customs people I dressed with shorts and a black tee shirt.  Mrs. C stopped me.  “You’re not going dressed like that are you?”

This was basically my attire every morning for breakfast.  Except for dinner, dress on the ship was very casual.

“Yes, this is how I planned to dress.  After we pass customs I thought we would go straight to breakfast.”

“Fine for breakfast, but you can’t dress like that for the customs check!”

“Why not? Why do I have to get dressed up to hand someone my passport?”

And here comes the Mrs. C answer and logic that keeps me on my toes so often.

“You can’t dress like that, these are Government Men!”

“So there is a dress code for ‘Government Men’?”

“Read the ship's directive.”

“It says do not wear a bathing suit or bathrobe.  Hmm, I don’t see anything about tee shirts.”

“Just put on a collared shirt…Jerk!”

I went to see the Government men with a golf shirt and shorts.  I guess my attire was acceptable; they took one look at my passport and waved me through.  Took all of about eight seconds.