Well, Wadda Ya Know?

Well, Wadda Ya Know?

My mind is like a sieve.  Information in…information out.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200, names and facts just disappear.  When I am introduced to someone I forget the name before I release my handshake grip.  My mind is a sieve.

I remember things about a person, but I am no good at names.

“You know, the black dude with the African sounding name.  Smart guy, good speaker, from Hawaii, was a senator, he’s now President of the United States…”

“You mean Barack Obama?”

“Yeah him.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Peoples names, movie titles, dates, historical facts almost all information goes right through the sieve.

What is surprising is the bits of information that occasionally get caught in the sieve.

I know that Tom Hanks first starred in the TV show “Bosom Buddies.”

I even know that his female interest in that show was named Donna Dixon and she is married to Dan Aykroyd.

I know that the name of the song that most people think is “Flower Girl” is really “The Rain, The park, and Other Things.” I have no idea what group recorded the song.

Years ago while watching “Jeopardy” the final jeopardy question was “He invented the helicopter.”  As a joke, I just blurted out what I thought was a funny name, “Who was Igor Sikorsky?”

The answer was of course, Igor Sikorsky.  Where did that bit of information come from?  Weird.

I know that the first time Goldie Hawn was on television she was the wacky neighbor in a short lived show, “Good Morning World.”

I know that the Ivy League is named not for the Ivy on the hallowed walls of the fine universities in the league, but because the league was first comprised of four teams, IV, Roman numeral for four.

I know that Mickey Mantle won the Triple Crown in 1956 batting 353, with 130 RBI’s and 52 home runs.

My seventh grade teacher was Miss Chiriella.

The chemical symbol for salt is NaCl, gold is Au.

That is it, everything else made it through the sieve.

Every once and a while a question arises where the knowledge of these few facts makes it seem like I am smart.

Most of the time it is painfully obvious that I am an idiot.

ANOTHER MRS. CRANKY HANDWRITING QUIZ

ANOTHER MRS. CRANKY HANDWRITING QUIZ

It has been a while since the last Mrs. Cranky's handwriting test. 

Mrs. C's handwriting is horrible, even with Catholic School training.  From time to time she expects me to be able to read her lists and she sends me off to the store.  She goes over the list before I leave but by the time I get to the store I always have trouble with some of the items.  I call her on the cell, and sometimes even she can't remember what she wrote.  The problem is not just the handwriting, but she also writes in a weird Mrs. Cranky code.

Here is a current list she sent me with.  There are twelve or thirteen items, I'm not sure.  I can identify about five...I think.  Mrs. C was baffled on two for a while, but she figured them out.

Give it your best shot if you want to enter.  The winner gets a mention and a WHOOP-TEE-DOO.  The winner from cranky family members or friends who enter and get the most correct answers get a free dinner out at a multi-star resturant.

GOOD LUCK! 

 

 

Another mention and WHOOP-TEE-DOO will be awarded to the funniest interpretation.

 

 

Answers next Tuesday.



Cranky's first date - a cranky re-run

MY FIRST DATE

 

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This cranky re-run is from October 2012 

 

If first impressions are important, it is a wonder I have ever had a second date with a woman.  Mrs. Cranky will confirm that the first impression I give off is one of a clumsy, tongue tied, oblivious clod.  In actuality my real persona is only a little clod like.

I have always been a bit awkward with the ladies, right from my very first “date.”  My first date was at age thirteen with Sue R.  Sue R. was a petite extremely cute blonde with a budding personality.  Budding was the operative word for a hormone laden new teen.

Arranging this first date was an operation fraught with anxiety.  The family phone was in my parent’s bedroom.  To call a young lady you had to sneak into the room and dial quickly before a prying older brother caught you calling a girl.  If caught, the teasing would have been merciless. 

I called the very cute Miss Sue at least five times.  The first four I hung up because her brother, my brother’s best friend, answered the phone.  On the fifth try Mr. R. answered.

“Who is this and why do you keep calling and hanging up?”

“Um notme isSuethere?”

“Hmmm…whose calling?”

“Joe?  I mean Joe.”

“SUSIE, SOMEONE JOE FOR YOU ON THE PHONE.”

M U S T   C A T C H   M Y   B R E A T H!

“Hello.”

“HiSueit’sJoe…wouldyouliketogotoamovieorsomethingsometime?”

“WHAT?”

Deep breath. 

“Hi Sue, it’s Joe.  Would you like to go to a movie or something sometime?”

“Sure, when?”

“Oh I was thinking maybe Saturday?”

“Ok.”

“Okthenbye.”

The big date was that Saturday, at a theater the next town over so we would not run into any school friends.  It was a double feature, “Godzilla” and “Mothra.”  With these Japanese horror classics, surely love would be in the air.

Mom drove us to the theater and dropped us off.  Sue and I had already stolen a kiss behind the candy store after school so I was expecting some real action.  I entered the theater with high expectations.  I was quickly brought down to Earth.

My first suave move was purchasing the ticket.

“Two, under twelve please.” (Come on, it was 25 cents for under twelve, 35 cents for adult.)

“You’re not under twelve.”

“Yes we are.”

The cashier surveyed my “budding” young date and responded even more insistently, “No…no you are not.”

Reluctantly I handed over the full price of 70 cents.  The cashier informed me, “Be glad, under twelve has to sit in the kid’s section, I’m guessing you would rather be alone.”

We headed in, bought a 15 cent box of buttered popcorn and went to the adult section.  I was anticipating hand holding followed by a yawn and an over-the-shoulder arm move and maybe some discreet kissing.

Instead the usher demanded we move to the kid’s section.

“But I paid for an adult ticket.”

“This section is for 16 years old and above.  You guys are not 16.”

“But I paid full price…”

We were forced to sit in a crowded section of 10 year old kids. 

The indignity of it all; I still get riled up thinking about it.  I paid as an adult and got treated like a kid.  There was no hand holding, no arm move, no discreet kissing.  Surrounded by 10 year olds, it was just too embarrassing for words.

The date was not a total loss, “Godzilla” and “Mothra” were classics, and believe it or not the cute Sue R. and I dated for almost a year.  We progressed past the arm-over move but beyond that I will not kiss and tell (there wasn’t that much to tell.)  Then her family moved to Florida.

They say you always remember your first date, and as much as I try to forget, what they say is unfortunately too true.

Anyhow, the popcorn was good.