FROM THE MIND OF MRS. CRANKY

FROM THE MIND OF MRS. CRANKY

 

I have spoken before of Mrs. Cranky’s remarkable ability to memorize and recite movie, TV and even commercial dialog.  It could be annoying, but I find it amusing.  Last night, however, Mrs. C demonstrated a memory ability that I quite frankly find a little scary.

Commercials play over and over; popular movies are aired often, I can understand how the Mrs. can remember dialog.  She can also tell you what an episode of “I Love Lucy” is about after less than 20 seconds of watching.  It is remarkable, but not scary.  It is a favorite show, she watches whenever possible and it is possible a lot.

Last night I awoke at 4 am with a slight ear ache.  I iced it and to pass the time turned on the TV.  I watched an episode of “The Addams Family.”  Now this was a popular show 50 years ago, but it is not re-broadcast all that often.  I see it from time to time, but always late at night and on weird seldom surfed stations.

OK, the scary stuff.

I told Mrs. Cranky this morning that I had the ear thing and was watching TV at 4 am.

“What were you watching?”

“’The Addams Family.”

“Which episode?”

“WHAT?”

“Which episode?”

“I don’t know something about looking for Thing.”

“Oh, the one where he was feeling neglected.”

“Yes, that’s the…WTF!  How do you know the episode from just me saying they were looking for Thing?  And how does a hand feel neglected?”

“Hands have feelings.”

“That show was on fifty years ago and is hardly ever on re-run at normal hours.  How would you remember any episode?”

“Well it was on right after ‘The Patty Duke Show’, I never missed it.  That’s where they met.”

“That’s where who met?”

“Patty Duke and John Aston.”

“They met because their shows were aired the same night?”

“Well they were filmed on the same set.”

“What does all this have to do with you remembering an episode of a TV show that was aired fifty years ago?  You’re scaring me!”

“You’re a jerk!”

 

 

Her mind is creepy and it’s spooky,

She’s more than a little kooky,

She remembers every nooky

The Mrs. Cra-an-ky


DaDaDaDum, DaDaDaDum, DaDaDaDum SNAP, SNAP

 

Stuff stays in her cranium *

It is like an old museum

It’s so hard to believe’em

The Mrs. Cra-an-ky

DaDaDaDum, DaDaDaDum, DaDaDaDum SNAP, SNAP

*pronounced cray-nee-um...poetic license.

 

 

 

 

 

DR. CRANKY

DR. CRANKY

 

Dr. Phil, the bullying TV psychologist, takes on difficult cases every day.  He generally ends each show with his “patients” blubbering like babies and agreeing to accept the “resources” that Dr. Phil offers to resolve their problems.  We seldom see the results of the “resources,” but Dr. Phil is applauded and treated like a miracle worker.

There have been plenty of times in my life where I could have used a Dr. Phil, but there have been two instances where I have been proud of my own council.

At work there was an Administrative assistant who was stressed over work and her commute which was making her job as a new mother difficult.  I listened as she went on about how she was missing her little girl who was only months old, but was needing her income to maintain her lifestyle.  Her husband was a corrections officer and brought home a good salary, but it was not enough to maintain their current standard of living.

I told her that it might be tough, but I’ll bet they could scale back and she could be a full time mom for several years.  I suggested she consider it an investment.  Pay now, or pay later for counseling to work out problems of bad grades, low self-esteem, drugs, or the many problems children sometimes have when mom is not around.  It would be an investment to build a mother daughter bond that you would never have the chance to “purchase” at a later date.

This lady did leave her job, and years later she contacted me and told me how glad she was that she did.  Her relationship with her daughter was wonderful, her daughter was a delight, and they managed the finances by cutting back until she was able to work again.  She said she just called to say thank you.

Some years later, a colleague at work was having family issues.  She had purchased a two family home with her sister.  Her sister now wanted to move to a single family home and they were bickering over a buyout price.  The fighting was getting ugly. 

This surprised me as I had often heard her talk of her sister and I knew they had always had a very strong bond.  The battle came down to $5000, not an insignificant amount, and it was clear her sister was not going to budge.  They were starting to talk about hiring lawyers.

I asked her, “If your sister was kidnapped, and the kidnappers wanted you to pay a $5000 ransom would you spend the money?”  She immediately responded “Of course.”  Then I asked, “Isn’t it worth $5000 to save your relationship?”

She gave in to her sister.  She told her that for the sake of their relationship which she cherished she would not argue over the money. 

She later thanked me for putting the issue in perspective.

I think both of these ladies always knew what they wanted to do; they just needed someone to give them a push.  Regardless it was very rewarding to be thanked for providing that nudge.

Sometimes solutions are easy, they just take someone to point them out.  I only wish solutions would seem as clear when they are your own problems as they are when they are someone else’s.   

CELEBRITY FREE-PASS

CELEBRITY FREE-PASS

Do most married couples have a celebrity free-pass?  You know.  Come on, I know you know.  If given a chance, if the opportunity presents itself, who is that one celebrity that your wife is allowed to have an affair with…just once? 

Who is your celebrity .  Who is the one if the opportunity presents itself that your wife will look the other way…just once?

Mrs. Cranky likes older men, fortunately for me, and she has always had a thing for Sean Connery.  She may have a thing for some others.  Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves to mention a couple, but she only gets a free pass with one.  She chose Sean Connery. 

Are you reading this Sean?

Now the question becomes, who, Cranky, is your celebrity free-pass?

This is tough.  I have to pass on all the young pretties.  Paris, any Kardasian, Lindsey, they all just seem too full of themselves.  I’m thinking they wouldn’t be all that great.  I think I would feel like smacking them and sending them home; just too young.

Then there are your Jennifer Aniston’s and your Pamela Anderson’s, who are older, still plenty hot, and maybe not quite so full of themselves.  Naw, still too young.  I only have one pass; I don’t want to waste it on a snot head unappreciative bimbo.

Here it is.  Maybe she is in her sixties, but I always had a thing for Patricia Richardson.  She was the wife on Tim Allen’s show “Tool Time.”  She’s cute, funny, and down to Earth.  I’ve seen some recent pictures, and she’s still got it.  She just might appreciate a cranky old man.

If you’re interested Patricia, I have one free pass.  Do you know Sean Connery?  Maybe we could double date.

Do you get a free celebrity pass?  Who is it?  Come on, no one reads this crap; it will just be between you, me, and your better half.