STUPID HEADLINES 021614

STUPID HEADLINES 021614

It is time once again for:

How do they do it?

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline is completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.

 

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Iran sending warships close to US borders – Oooh, Iran is sending their Navy.  Oooh we’re shaking Iran.  You might want to keep your distance you decapitating fanatical ass-wipes!

Girl, 10, crashes mom's SUV into Denver DMV office – She was immediately told she was in the wrong line.

Where is Monica Lewinsky? – (Warning, the following comment contains many cheap gratuitous sexual innuendos and is rated R, I apologize, I am better than this…well…no I guess I’m not)

She is going down on bended knees begging for a book job.  Is that hitting below the waist?  I’m sorry, but don’t blow it out of proportion or get all bent out of shape.  You have to give it to her; she has taken some hard licks and just sucked it up and kept on with her life.  Whatever she is currently up to, she will certainly go down in history.

Rep wants state dinners to abide by school cafeteria calorie caps – And no gum chewing either!

Finland #1, US sinks to 46th in global press freedom rankings – I disagree, I find I can say                                                            and never face any repercussions.

'Cesar Chavez’ Film Hired Non-Union Actors, Outsourced Production – Movie of man who supported unions for farm workers farms off work to non-union workers.

A bra that unhooks when you’re in love? – Did that strap just break, or are you glad to see me?

Climate Change is blamed for changing climate - I disagree, I think the changing climate is because of long term fluctuations in weather patterns caused by differing temperatures in varying global sectors… or else it is Sarah Palins fault.

Long-lost siblings unknowingly met at Walmart – They knew they were related because their ass cracks were a match.

Norway mass killer reportedly threatens hunger strike over prison 'torture' – OMG…if he won’t eat, this man who murdered 77 people in cold blood might…dare I even think it…might die.

Study suggests video games may improve learning skills in people with dyslexia – My farovte is Ragnd Thfie Atuo.

800-pound runaway snowball damages college dorm – "I swore it was in park!"

 

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Last week’s fake headline was:

Contestant in TV’s “Top Chef” pushes a hotdog cart – And his franks are perfectly seasoned!

      

         The only winner was:
          Val said...

          I'll take the hot-dog pusher as fake. It's wishful thinking, just because I   

         don't want anybody who touches that hot dog water to touch real food.

         Follow Val @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/    for stories and old Seinfeld      

         references.

AND COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

MAYOR OF NEW YORK? NO WAY!

MAYOR OF NEW YORK? NO WAY!

A Cranky Opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

 

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little to no knowledge of the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome…they are wrong, but welcome; and please, no name calling, that means you, you big stupid head!

 

Bill de Blasio, the newly elected very Liberal Mayor of New York City probably wishes his term started in May. 

Mayor of this city must be one of the most difficult jobs anywhere.  I have no idea, other than graft, why anyone would want this job.  Mayor de Blasio wants to change things for the people of his city.  He wants the wealthy, and there are plenty of them, to pay for pre-school programs for the poor.  He wants to raise minimum wages; he wants to give illegal immigrants ID cards to give them access to city services.  In a city as Liberal as New York, his positions should make him very popular.

He did not count on snow.  Snow is the great equalizer in the city of New York.  Snow has made several Mayors one term Mayors.  The first snow storm this year, de Blasio was blamed for not plowing the streets in wealthy neighborhoods in favor of less advantaged areas.  The problem with that payback against those that did not vote for him was that most beneficial commerce in the city comes in the wealthy neighborhoods.  Clog traffic on Fifth Avenue and poor people are out of work.  Rich people were pissed; poor people missed a day’s wage and were pissed. 

No one was happy with his plow strategy.

The next storm his snow removal experts forgot all about Staten Island, a fairly common practice in the smallest most conservative of the city’s five boroughs.   The people of Staten Island were pissed.

One storm de Blasio closed the schools.   Many parents had to go to work because their jobs were not closed.  These parents were pissed.

This latest storm, Mayor de Blasio kept the schools open when over ten inches of snow was predicted.  Many parents were pissed.

I am not enamored with much of Mayor de Blasio’s politics, but I think the people of New York need to cut him a break on this snow stuff.  One month into office I hardly think the Mayor had the time or the inclination to plot revenge in the way of deficient snow removal on his enemies.  I have to think the snow removal process has been in place for years by people not subject to the election process.

The school closing issue is in the Mayor’s hands.  It is an interesting call that is NEVER right.  Keep the schools open and children are put in danger; close the schools and parents miss work, or children are left at home and put in danger.  Historically New York schools are seldom closed.  Most kids are an easy walk to school, or take the subway which is usually not affected by snow accumulation above the ground.  Since 1968, New York City schools have been closed less than ten days.  Half of those closings were in the wicked snow year of 1996 when there was a 30 inch storm and several over 10 inches.

I don’t understand why parents get so riled up over the school issue.  I think the city should keep them open except in extreme conditions.  Parents should then make a personal decision whether or not to send their children to school.

If a parent thinks it will be dangerous to send his child to school, it should not make a rats butt of difference what the Mayor says, keep that child home…idiot!

Unless climate change forever eliminates snow in New York City, I will not take up residence and run for Mayor.  It is a thankless job; you can keep it Mayor de Blasio.

The preceding has been the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

UP IN SMOKE

UP IN SMOKE

I recently read a study on “Who smokes in the USA;” Very interesting study. 

Apparently people in higher income brackets smoke less than people in lower income brackets.  I wonder why…perhaps lower income brackets have more to worry about, and in lieu of flying to exotic venues and driving fancy cars, lower income people smoke.

People with a lower education tend to smoke more.  Hmmm…lower education, lower income…see above.  Also, smoking is stupid so…

The ethnicity of smokers is interesting.   American Indians (not my politically incorrect designation) smoke the most, 31 percent.  Asians smoke the least, 10 percent.  Black people, White people and Hispanics all smoke about the same, 20 percent.  They don’t say why the difference of American Indians and Asians, but it is nice to see that with Black, White and Hispanic Americans there is finally some equality.

The most interesting statistic is age groups that smoke. 

18-24 years old – 19%

25-44 years old – 22%

45-64 years old -21%

64 and up – 8%

It would seem that no matter what your income group, your education, or your ethnicity, when people hit the age of 65 they suddenly become smart and quit smoking…

Or maybe smokers start to die off at 64, and the percentage of smokers falls off drastically with them.

It has been three years since I quit an on-and-off smoking addiction.  I am glad that it was my smartening up that has helped lower the 64 and older percentage and not that other scenario.