STUPID HEADLINES 011914

STUPID HEADLINES 011914

It is time once again for:

 

Except for the race and gender thing it was a perfect match

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

 

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Scientists discover hormone that blocks pot "high" – Why in the Hell would anyone even look for such a horrible hormone?

India makes first gun designed for women – So if you are in India and you’re pissed off at your wife, the local store will recommend this special gun?

Government spent millions on penis pumps, paid double retail price – This explains all the really big dicks in government, but do they have to screw us on price as well?

Convicted Oregon pimp sues Nike over lack of shoe warning label – Apparently under certain conditions these shoes will cause you to abuse women and turn them into prostitutes…I think a label would be appropriate.

Denver police shoot suspect who used woman as human shield – Turns out some women do not stop bullets very well.

Thief tries to steal Sigmund Freud's ashes – I blame the thief’s mother.

Congress to vote on a cut in pay for themselves and their staff - Vote will take place on April 1.

California woman finds illegal distillery inside her garage – "Officer, I swear, the last time I looked it was a ‘57 Chevy!"

Little League baseball coach sues former player over victory celebration injury – I think our tort’s law needs a “Shit happens clause.”

Canada's Olympic Skeleton Team Shows Off Amazing Helmets – Helmets smelmets, in what kind of event do skeletons compete?

Court affirms Mass. murderer's right to get sex change in prison – Do they have to disinfect the chainsaw?

School bus driver suspended after bus drags girl for block – I’m pretty sure the first rule of bus driving is let the passengers off before closing the door.

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Last week’s fake headline was:

12 year old weight lifter tests positive for human growth hormone – Well yeah, he’s 12!

The only winner was the usually gullible Chubby Chatterbox!

           Stephen Hayes said...

The twelve year old weight lifter doesn't sound real to me.

Congratulations Stephan! Visit Stephan @ http://thechubbychatterbox.blogspot.com for stories, art lessons and lots of really good stuff…just check it out!!

Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

TRAFFIC JAM IN NEW JERSEY

TRAFFIC JAM IN NEW JERSEY

A Cranky Opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with very little expertise on the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome.  They are wrong, but they are welcome and please, no name calling.  That goes for you, you big stupid head!

The Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, is a big man.  He is a straight talker, and he is known for getting the job done.  He also has the reputation of being a bully.   Much of this reputation is the result of his demeanor at Town Hall Meetings.  When he is attacked, he attacks back, and he attacks back with facts, common sense and no bull shit.  Many people like his style.

Chris Christie is now being attacked again, all over a traffic jam.  Not just a little traffic jam, but a four day mess which almost shut down a New Jersey Town, Fort Lee, and delayed thousands of commuters for hours every day for four days.  The delays were the result of the Port Authority of New York closing down several access lanes to the George Washington Bridge, possibly the most heavily traveled bridge in the country.

The reason given for the shut-down was to conduct a traffic usage study.

The real reason it turns out was to punish the Mayor of Fort Lee for not supporting Christie’s campaign for reelection. 

The shut-down was requested by a high Christie official and ordered by a Christie Port Authority appointee.  When it became clear that the shut-down was ordered to punish the Mayor of Fort Lee, Governor Christie made a very emphatic apology.  He fired those directly responsible and made a special trip to Fort Lee and apologized again this time personally to the Mayor.  He also took responsibility for the debacle.  Well, he took responsibility while he also sidestepped it, something politicians do so well.  He did not order the shut-down; he did not know about it. He was embarrassed, humiliated and angry when he found out his trusted advisors were responsible and had lied to him about the whole incident.  It was, he said, an extremely stupid act.

As a New Jersey resident, I have liked and respected Chris Christie for a long time.  He is effective, fair, and his decisions are based on what he thinks are the best policies for the State of New Jersey.  Many people in New Jersey and in other states have the same belief in Chris Christie.  So many people like his style that he has been talked about as a potential Presidential candidate.

In my opinion, the traffic jam has derailed that train.

I do not think that Chris Christie ordered the traffic jam.  He is too smart for that.  I don’t think he knew about the deliberate lane shut-downs, but the incident does say something about the man and his leadership that worries me.

There was a mess in Fort Lee for four days because of lane shutdowns.   Four days, and the Governor never asked what was going on?  One day I can understand, two days maybe, but four days?  He either was unconcerned, clueless, or was covering up for friends.  There is no good explaination.

The fact that his high ranking officials orchestrated this idiocy does not speak well for Christie’s leadership.  Why would these officials order this act without first checking with the Governor, and what is the atmosphere of his administration that his own people would think the traffic jam was a good idea?

If Governor Christie ordered this act to punish a mayor for not supporting his reelection, than he is an egomaniacal idiot who deserves to be impeached. 

I am going to give him the benefit of doubt that he did not order the traffic jam and did not know it was done as a political act of retribution, but I will not give him a pass. 

The head of any organization is responsible for the idiotic acts of those under him.  He is responsible if not directly for their actions, then at the least for the bad judgment to put such stupid irresponsible people in a position of power.  He is responsible for setting the climate and tone of his administration that would, at the very least, allow underlings to think that screwing up traffic on a busy important interstate highway was an acceptable concept. 

Chris Christie should either step down as Governor of New Jersey, or quietly finish his term and forget all future political aspirations.

It pains me to say this. 

I thought Chris Christie was the real thing.  I thought he was a politician who cared about the job, who cared about all the people in his state, and was firm but fair.  I thought Chris Christie would be just what we need as President of this great country.

It is not be the first time a politician has disappointed me;  it will probably not be the last.

It still sucks!

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.     

WHY HALLMARK?

WHY HALLMARK?

 

Mrs. Cranky spent sixteen dollars today on birthday cards.  She bought four cards at Hallmark.  What is it about events and Hallmark cards, why do we have to buy them?

I would rather receive a simply letter on a sheet of stationary saying,

“I’m thinking of you on your birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Love,
Karen.”

Who really wants a stupid card saying something clever like

“I couldn’t afford a Monet painting for your birthday, so I bought you a Monkey!” with a funny picture of a monkey drawing a picture.

OR

Why is a card with some flowery sentimental crap that a paid Hallmark writer slapped together such a wonderful thing to receive?

Hallmark makes giant cards, funny cards, sentimental cards, cards that play music, and cards that open up and spring stuff out at you.  These cards start at $4 and could cost $12, all to make a simple statement of Happy Birthday, Get Well, or Congratulations for Anything.

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but when I get one of these cards I say “Thanks,” I might get a chuckle, and then I throw the card away.  To me, giving these cards is like lighting the barbeque with a five dollar bill.

I would never buy a Hallmark card except Mrs. Cranky gets all gooey when she gets one.  I buy her the sappy, lovey, syrupy, poetic ones, and she thinks it is sooo romantic.

I think it is stupid.

I would be happier to receive a simple hand written note.  A couple of bucks included would also be nice…better me than Hallmark.

Is it just me?  Why is an expensive manufactured card written by a stranger more meaningful than a sincere hand-written note?