SHARKNADO

SHARKNADO

 

Director:

Anthony C. Ferrante

Writer:

Thunder Levin

Stars:

Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Cassie Scerbo

 

Thursday, July 11, was a rainy day on the Jersey Shore.  I was stuck in a small seashore apartment with my son, Spencer, Mrs. Cranky, and step-crank Casey.  It would have been a miserable day except…The Syfy Channel was holding an all-day shark movie fest.

It started with “Mega Shark Vs. The Giant Octopus,” a must see as Spencer and I had watched it before.  We had to see the giant shark leap one mile out of the ocean to grab a 747 just one more time.

This classic was followed by “Swamp Shark,” “Super Shark,” Malibu Shark Attack,” and finally, the coup de grace, the long awaited premier of “Sharknado!”  What a way to pass a rainy day.

“Sharknado” was promoted all day.  We planned our dinner around “Sharknado.”  We were not disappointed.  This was the best bad movie EVER!

“Sharknado” staring Ian Ziering and Tara Reid and Cassie Scerbo is not to be believed.  In short, a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, and a series of tornados suck up and drop thousands of sharks on a terrorized populace.

In the must be seen to be believed final action scene, Ian Ziering is wielding a chain saw and chopping falling sharks in half.  A giant shark swallows him and his chain saw whole. 

Ian saws his way out of the sharks belly, and then goes back inside the shark to pull out Cassie Scerbo who had fallen out of a helicopter trying to stop the tornado with a bomb.

I KNOW!! 

That is as much as I will tell you, I don’t want to ruin this soon to be classic by giving away any more action.

What I want to know is how did anyone pitch this movie idea to a producer?

“I have an idea Bob, a tornado hits LA, and dumps thousands of sharks on the city.”

“Hmmm Thunder, let me think about that…er…ah…that has to be the STUPIDEST FREAKING IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD!...I’ll bet the Syfy Channel will buy it.”

Great lines from Sharknado:

Cassie in the helicopter surrounded by sharks in the tornado, “Were going to need a bigger helicopter.”  Sound familiar.

Cassie explaining scars on her leg.  She was fishing with her grandfather when the boat hit the rocks and sank among sharks, “So, six of us went into the water, I survived…sharks got the rest.” Quint anybody?

Anyway, all you wanna-be writers, and I know you are out there, do not be discouraged by all those rejections, all it takes is one good idea.  Like “SHARKNADO!”

Stupid Headlines 072113

Stupid Headlines 072113

It is time once again for:

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

 

I hope they stop him before he hurts himself!

 

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments. 

 

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

________________________________

Saudi Arabian Airlines reportedly refuses Israeli passport holders to purchase tickets – This makes sense, Saudi airplane terrorists outnumber Israeli by 276 – 0…those Israeli terrorists are long overdue.

Man Buys Toy Poodles, Learns They’re Ferrets on Steroids – The huge Neanderthal forehead, tiny testicles and poor anger management should have been a big give away.

Human-powered helicopter beats the odds – Man succeeded in take-off, but crashed due to a torn rotator cuff.

Amanda Bynes calls President Obama, Michelle 'ugly' – Now that I’ve  Googled, “Who the F is Amanda Bynes” I don’t think the Obamas should be too upset.

Thinks the Obamas are ugly?

 

Danish woman runs 366 marathons in 365 days – Big deal, I ran a rat race every day for 40 years!

Able-bodied woman wants surgery to make her paraplegic – Her brain surgery to turn her into an idiot was clearly successful.

Colorado town, concerned about surveillance, considers drone hunting licenses – This might become more popular than Snipe Hunting.

Waitresses in body paint prompts Texas town to change clothing law – Waitresses filed a complaint against the town law requiring waitresses to cover their top in body paint.

Atheist group demands crosswalks be referred to as “pedestrian safety zones”- Maybe we should also refer to Easter as “more east!”

Oklahoma man arrested after woman spots him in toilet – Puts a new light on the term Peeping Tom.  Man is in deep shit for being in deep shit.

10 Things NOT to Say to a Person with Migraines – Number 1 is “DO YOU MIND IF I OPEN THE BLINDS AND LET SOME SUNSHINE IN?”

Honda builds a 130 mph lawn mower – Oh great! I can hardly wait until my neighbor opens that puppy up at 7am on a Saturday!

Billions spent in Obama climate plan may be virtually useless, study suggests – I’m guessing this is one expert study that will be ignored.

Former President George HW Bush's son rescues woman boating in Maine – You have to wonder…whose SON is he now?

______________________________
Last week fake headline was:

New Jersey man jumps from plane without a chute and survives! - Man credits his life with the fact the plane had not yet taken off.

And the winners who correctly identified the fake  were:

Val said...

Okay, I'll take the New Jersey plane-jumping survivor as fake. I hope he celebrated with a dirty-water drink that he thought was actual alcohol.

Val is getting harder and harder to fool, plus because she dissed NJ,  please do not encourage her by visiting her blog @

http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/ she is funny, but for dissing NJ she must be punished so do not visit this site

http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/   

Dan the Mountain Man said...

I am going with the New Jersey man jumps from the plane as the fake. But the President Obama with the broccoli is tempting to pick. But Bush one said he did not like it so I can see President Obama saying it.

Congratulations Dan; people please visit Dan’s site for interesting photos, used book sales and good old North Carolina insight @

http://danmtnman.blogspot.com/

 

I am pleased to report that this week Fran (Fishducky) was finally stumped so there is no need for me to promote her always entertaining site @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/

SHOULD WE KEEP JENNY’s VIEW OFF “THE VIEW?”

SHOULD WE KEEP JENNY’s VIEW OFF “THE VIEW?”

A Cranky opinion for Cranky Opinion Saturday

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man.  Opposing opinions are welcome (wrong, but welcome) but please, no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid head!

 

Here is a rip roaring issue that I woke up to this morning; Jenny McCarthy is replacing Elizabeth Hasslebeck on “The View.”

Holy who gives a fig!

Apparently Ms. McCarthy has an opinion that is counter to prevailing medical science.  Jenny believes that early childhood vaccines are responsible for increased cases of children with autism.  Medical experts fear that if she expresses her view, thousands of young mothers will follow Jenny off the cliff of skepticism and not vaccinate their children.  Because of this, they predict thousands of children will die.

Medical experts have disproven beyond a shadow of doubt that vaccinations are not the cause of the rise in autism cases in this country.  Who do I believe, medical experts who say it is a proven fact that vaccinations do not cause autism, or Jenny McCarthy, who though she is not an idiot, she plays one on TV.

 A fact is simply something that has yet to be disproven.  Doctors and big pharm have everything to lose if it is proven that their vaccinations cause autism.  Is their research flawed; probably not, but there is plenty of incentive to disprove the theory that Jenny and others ascribe to.

Have the experts learned why autism is so common today?  I don’t think so.  Perhaps it is just more accurate diagnoses, or maybe something has changed from how we raise our infants.

One change is the number of vaccinations, and the early age for these vaccinations.    

It scares me to think that immature brains are subjected to vaccines for multiple diseases before they are even six months old.  We have very few cases today (make that zero) of polio.  Maybe we should hold off on that vaccine until a child is several years old; ditto for rubella, measles, chickenpox, and whooping cough.  I would suggest whooping cough vaccine first as that is currently a fairly common illness which is very dangerous for infants.

I am not a doctor and neither is Jenny, but doctors are not gods, and their proven science changes often.  In the past they fought for bloodletting, early amputations, electric shock therapy, and lobotomies.  If anything, this fear that Jenny McCarthy’s opinions, if allowed to be expressed on “The View,” will cause the deaths of thousands of infants makes me more wary of their position on early vaccination injections for infants.

I don’t believe we need to fear opinions in this country, and “The View” is just a dumb opinion show.  It is for entertainment.  Hell, Whoopi talked about her theory that the 9-11 attack on the World Trade Center was done by our own government to make an excuse to attack Iraq, or reelect George Bush or some nonsense, and no one voiced any concern that she would turn “The View’s” vast audience into a mass of idiotic conspiracy nuts.

If the soup of vaccinations delivered to infants is good safe policy, I really don’t think we need to silence the Jenny McCarthy’s of our country.  I am more worried about why medical experts are worried about the opinions of a blonde entertainer who once asked if “Buffalo Wings” really come from buffalos.

Besides, she is hot!

The preceding has been the opinion of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky