RIP LUIGI - "The Barber Shop"

RIP LUIGI

 

I posted “The Barber Shop” two years ago.  Yesterday I suddenly received hit after hit on this post.  The viewer’s came from all around NJ and from many states as far away as North Carolina, Florida, Michigan and even Oregon.  My first thought was that Luigi was ill.  A little research and my worst fears were confirmed.  Luigi passed away April 17, 2013. 

I only knew Luigi the barber, not Luigi the man.  I suspect he was a strict but loving father, a loyal loving husband and a big mush of a grandfather.  I know his shop and his persona were landmarks in this small town.  If he could have charged for his common sense and his entertainment as well as for his haircuts he would have left this world a multi-millionaire.

RIP Luigi, we will not see your kind again…you will be missed.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/mycentraljersey/obituary.aspx?n=luigi-t-stellato&pid=164296833&fhid=8078#fbLoggedOut

 

 

THE BARBER SHOP (From November 2011)

Luigi's In Metuchen

The neighborhood barber shop seems to be disappearing. When I was a child the local barber shop was always busy. On Saturdays there was an hour wait for a haircut, and the barber shop had six chairs. There are still barber shops today, but they have two active chairs at most, and there is often no waiting.

Where have all the customers gone? The population has grown since I was a child, I am sure hair has continued to also grow. Who is cutting it? Many men have given up the comb-overs and the trim in favor of the shaved head look. Other men have taken to the ladies hair salon for a fancy wash trim, style and blow dry. Children get their trims or buzz cuts at home, or at “Kid Cut” specialty salons. Those that still opt for the traditional barber shop go less often. I used to get a cut every two to three weeks. I now go once every two months.

I can remember going to the barber and watching men get a shave. This shave involved a steaming hot towel, hot lather, and a very sharp very scary straight edge razor. I have not seen anyone get a traditional barber shop shave in thirty years. I cannot remember when I last saw a “traditional” barber who was under the age of fifty.

The local barber shop used to be so popular, and the haircut/shave combination so common that the famous seven note musical couplet often inserted comically at the end of a song, “Dump diddly dum dum….dum dum” was sung, “Shave and haircut…two bits.”

I still go to a traditional local barber shop, “Luigi’s” in Metuchen, New Jersey. Luigi has a two chair shop. The shop is generally busy, especially on Saturdays, but there is never a long wait. Luigi’s customers are mostly old farts like me, customers who don’t want the total bald look, and refuse to get a cut at a fancy “Women’s Hair Salon.” My sister-in-law operates the best salon in my new town, and gives an excellent male haircut or trim, at no charge to family, and still I prefer Luigi’s.

Luigi’s has a certain charm. It has a special barber shop smell, a unique atmosphere and of course it has Luigi. Luigi is a bull of a man. He has worked his chair for over forty years. His opinions are as full and thick as his hair and his Italian accent. Luigi has opinions on everything, and it takes very little prodding for him to voice them. There are never any arguments at Luigi’s. Whenever an opinion is offered it is immediately agreed upon by all present. I think that is an unwritten Luigi rule. “That’s right”, and “attsa right” are the most common responses to any opinion no matter how farfetched.

On Saturdays some people come to Luigi’s just to kill time. They come to chat with Luigi and I half expect them to pull up a chair and play checkers. People stop by with free food, sandwiches from the deli across the street which Luigi claims, “They make a the best a sandwich in town. The mutsarell is a fresh in a watt (water).” Locals sometimes stop by to share a pizza pie, and Luigi always has fresh donuts and lollypops; lollypops for the kids, donuts for the grownups.

On the second chair is Luigi’s cousin, Mia. Mia is a short lady with very big hair. She wears shoes which add at least six inches to her stature, and if pirates allowed women on their ships, they would have looked like Mia.

Mia is my barber. I am not sure how I was assigned to Mia, but Luigi will not cut my hair. I am Mia’s customer. I thought I was special because Mia calls me Guy. “You a nex, Guy.” Turns out she calls every one Guy. Mia makes ninety-seven percent of the conversation in her chair, usually an interpretation of a dream. I understand about fifty percent of the ninety-seven.

When Spencer, my youngest went for his first haircut, one of the local kibitzers was calling him a sissy because he was afraid of the scissors. Mia turned to this clown and pointing the scissors at him menacingly said, “He no sissy a boy! How you like I poke a you eye out eh?” The kibitzer shut up, grabbed a donut, and quietly left the shop.

 I chose to write this post as today when I went in for a trim, Luigi was absent. I learned from Mia that he has been in the hospital for two months with a “Bile thing that had a be a drain. He should a go in a soon, but he a stub.” It seems he is on the mend, and will be back soon. Luigi will return, but he is over seventy years old. His shop cannot go on forever.

It will be irreplaceable.

Why Won’t You Dance?

Why Won’t You Dance?

 

Mrs. C’s hobby is Ball Room dancing.  She is an amateur, but she is pretty good.  I appreciate the skill and effort it takes to dance, but I have no interest in learning.  Mrs. Cranky recently wanted to know why I am so unwilling to participate in one of her favorite activities.

Mrs. C in action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aRJwicK6jw&list=PL24348DF3B1BCD43B

There is a “Seinfeld” episode (I know Val at http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/  knows immediately which one I am going to relate) where Elaine makes a fool of herself with her bad dancing.  She thinks she is good.  I did not get this episode right away because I also thought she was good.  Therein lies my dancing problem.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xi4O1yi6b0

I am not talking about Ball Room dancing, I am talking freeform make up your own steps bullshit dancing that 90% of the world does to any music today.  I watch these dancers at weddings today, and way back- when at school parties.  To me it is just a bunch of foot shuffling, arm swinging, head bobbing, facial expression crap.  Whenever I tried to participate and shuffle-swing-bob-sneer, I thought I was really cool. And yet, people laughed at me.

They laughed at me!

I look at all these idiots doing their own fertility-ritualistic-strutting version of dancing and I think, “Damn, they all look like a bunch of assholes” and when I decide to join in because it seems like the thing to do…EVERYBODY LAUGHS AT ME!

Apparently I dance funny.  I look stupid!

I think everyone looks like complete idiots when they dance (not the Ball Room stuff).  I only ever attempted to dance because of peer pressure…and I get laughed at!

“Come on Joe, get up and dance…its fun.”

“No thanks, I’ll just watch.”

“Don’t be a party pooper, dance.”

“Ok.”

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha you look like a spasticated monkey!”

Maybe I am a bit of a clown.  When a clown dances people expect him to look funny.  They don’t see themselves and how silly they look, they only see the clown and they laugh.

Personally I think I dance pretty well.  I think I look cool; me and Elaine.

That is why I don’t dance.

ALL THESE AWARDS ARE JUST REDICULOUS

ALL THESE AWARDS ARE JUST REDICULOUS

In my first book, shamelessly self-published and purchased by 17 people on amazon who thought they were selecting Whoopi’s book, there is a chapter on celebrities and the ridiculous number of awards they shower themselves with (should be with which they shower themselves, but Cynthia at http://www.commonplacecrazy.com/ said I could get away with this incorrect grammar in casual writing.)

(Longest sentence ever.)

As an example of these ego maniacs ridiculous awards gluttony, I used this list:

Singers receive a few awards; here is a list of awards given to Beyonce:

 American Music Awards                                                                                                         

American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers (ASCAP), USA                   

 BET Awards, USA                                                                                                                    

 Billboard Music Magazine, USA                                                                              

 BRAVO Supershow, Germany                                                                                 

 BRIT Awards, UK                                                                                                        

Capital FM Awards, UK                                                                                            

 Demand International Entertainer of The Year                                                   

Glamour Magazine Woman of the Year, UK                                                                        

 Grammy Awards, USA                                                                                                        

 International Dance Music Awards, World                                                                        

 Ivor Novello Awards                                                                                                             

 Latin Grammy Awards                                                                                                       

 Meteor Music Awards, Ireland                                                                                        

 Music of Black Origin Awards, UK (MOBO)                                                                       

 Music Television, World (MTV)                                                                                                

NAACP Image Awards                                                                                                            

New Musical Express, UK (NME)                                                                                            

Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards                                                                                          

 NRJ Music Awards (France)                                                                                                  

 People Choice Awards, USA                                                                                               

 Popjustice Readers Polls                                                                                                           

 Premios Fuse TV                                                                                                          

 Premios Lo Nuestro                                                                                                     

 Premios Oye, Mexico                                                                                                              

Radio Music Awards, USA                                                                                                          

Soul Train Music Awards, USA                                                                                                   

Source Hip-Hop Music Awards, USA                                                                                                          

 Teen Choice Awards                                                                                                          

 The Record of the Year, UK (ITV)                                                                                            

 Urban Music Awards                                                                                                                           

VH1, USA                                                                                                                                               

 Vibe Awards, USA                                                                                                                                

 Whudat Music Awards, USA                                                                                                            

 World Music Awards, World

Do you think she feels “Special”?

I could have used similar lists for actors and even super-models.

This culture of a group of people heaping award after award on themselves is disgusting, and yet bloggers are in fact guilty of the same hubris. 

I am ashamed to admit that through the years I have been awarded and have accepted eight such honors.  Some might say that I am hypocritical.

I remember a caller to the Howard Stern Show, the greatest radio show ever, where Howard Stern, the greatest interviewer and off the cuff commenter ever, was accused of being a hypocrite.  Howard lit into this caller for about eight minutes claiming he has never in his life been hypocritical, and in fact his success is based on his honest upfront unedited opinions and the unwavering consistency of his positions.  The caller then replayed two conflicting comments which Howard had recently made on air.  Howard Stern listened and then just calmly responded to the caller, “OK, I’m a hypocrite!”

If Howard Stern can so calmly accept and declare his hypocrisy, then so can I.  And so it is with great pride and unabashed hypocrisy that I accept my ninth blogger award, the

“Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness” award.

Clap, clap, clap

 

Thank you Bad Word Mama at http://badwordmama.blogspot.com/ and Akashic Window at http://akashicwindow.blogspot.com/ for this great honor.

In order to accept I am required to answer several silly questions about myself:

NO!

But as a hypocrite I am still going to keep the award.

Now so that every blogger who posts at least once a month will also eventually receive this prestigious award, I am required to bestow it on several other bloggers.  This is difficult to do as I do not want to leave anyone out and everyone I follow deserves this award.

But here goes.  I am handing this award to bloggers whom I have not previously bestowed an award.

First I am NOT handing it out to Chubby Chatterbox at http://www.chubbychatterbox.com/index, because he gets too many awards, and I am jealous of his writing.  So Chubby, back off!

Next I give this award to Suldog at http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com/ .  I do this simply because he hates awards and declines them so well and I know it pisses him off.

I also give this award to OLDAFSARG at http://oldafsarge.blogspot.com/  because I like his stuff and he and several of his fellow bloggers have put their life on the line for all of us.

Take the award Uncle Skip at http://lionskip.blogspot.com/ , for the same reason as above, and he can use some more good stuff in his life as we all pray for GS!

Finally an award goes to Katrina at http://www.theyallcallmemom.com/ , because ten kids is not enough for the best commenter in all blogdom, plus I like your posts as well.

I am not passing this award to Lo at http://loisstearns.blogspot.com/ as people might talk, and Mrs. C is getting suspicious…plus I think she has this award already.

So go now all you bloggers and accept this award and all the hypocrisy that comes with it.  Make up some silly questions and answer them.  Then pass this award on so anyone I missed will eventually receive it as well.

I have not notified any of the above recipients, you must stalk to receive.

 

Thank you…thank you very much.

Cranky has left the building.