IF YOU WANT TO BE A
VEGAN, FINE But please just STFU!
(My longest title ever)
Welcome to Cranky
Opinion Saturday
For the
second time in two weeks I have endured a TV talk co-host proselytizing the
benefits of being a vegan. I get
it. You are healthy. You are happy. You are full of energy. You are also a twenty-six year old celebrity actress
who gets paid to play make-believe and you have the time and the money to work
out at the gym two hours a day.
Why do these
people feel the need to convince the world to eat as they do? This particular lady jumped right into the
vegan spiel with no prodding whatsoever.
“Tell me Ann
Marie, what new projects are you planning?”
“Well Bob I
have several projects in the future but of course they must fit around my vegan
diet.” (WHAT?)
“Oh so you
are a vegan are you?”
“Yes Bob, if
it has a face I will not eat it.
Everyone should go vegan, it is healthy and there are plenty of vegan
dishes that are delicious. Here, I just
happen to have a tofu vegan fake meat chop in my bag. Try one.”
“Yumm,
that’s really not that bad.”
(Really not THAT bad means it sucks!)
“You know
Bob, not only is vegan healthy, but if everyone ate vegan, as they should, we
would reduce the worlds cattle, hog, and chicken herds which produce the
methane which causes global warming er I mean climate change, also meat increases
testosterone in our food which causes aggression. Eating meat is the cause of global climate
change and terrorism and wars. Believe
me Bob, if you saw a video of how those animals that people eat are slaughtered
you would never have another burger. We
should all go vegan and save the planet before it is too late!”
“Clap, clap,
clap, clap, clap”
STFU!!
Go, be a vegan,
it’s all good, but leave my meat alone, and stop putting a guilt trip on
everyone who does not follow you superior, enlightened, humanitarian diet,
which by the way is 98% of the planet.
If you think
slaughtering animals is ugly, consider the alternative. In the wild, Buffalo for instance, do not die
of old age. They are hunted by predators
and the slower, older, injured or sick are brought down by a cougar, a bear, or
a pack of wolves and are ripped apart and eaten while they slowly bleed to
death. It is the ultimate fate of
virtually all prey animals.
Humans are
omnivorous. We are designed to eat
vegetables, fruit, nuts and meat. I am
sure a case can be made that many people eat more meat than is needed for their
optimal health, but some meat, red or white, and some seafood in your diet is nourishment
that our bodies are designed to process and are part of a good healthy lifestyle.
The vegans I
have known are too thin. If they get
stuck in a snowstorm they will not survive.
The vegans I have known pass gas which empties a room. That methane cannot be healthy, and surely
leads to climate change. It sure as hell
changes the climate of any room the vegan occupies.
Listen
people, don’t eat meat or fish. Don’t
eat sugar. Stay away from glutens
(whatever the frig a gluten is.) Don’t
eat fat, count your carbs, buy organic,
and eat fiber, fiber, fiber. Breast feed
until you are twelve, chew one hundred times before you swallow, lay off the
salt, drink green tea, whatever makes you happy, but please don’t preach. Do not go door to door and push your one true
diet for longer life. Stay off the air
waves with your food preaching.
Eat what you
want, just leave me alone and STFU!
The preceding opinion was not
necessarily that of management (Mrs. Cranky.)
