CABLE THEFT - part I

CABLE THEFT

 

People like to complain about cable TV.  It is expensive and the service is often poor.  In the early days of cable it was even worse.

In the early days of cable TV you did not have a choice in where you got your service.  There was no satellite TV, there were no competing cable companies.  There was one company licensed for your area.  You got 40 channels and had to pay extra for ESPN and HBO.  HBO had one channel showing about 10 new movies a month.  There was no ESPN 2.  There was an extra monthly charge for every TV hook-up in the house.

The extra hook-up charge was more than I could handle.  In those days you did not need their cable box if you had a cable ready TV.  All the new TV’s were cable ready and gave you the same 40 channels the cable box gave you.  The cable company charged $3.50 a month for each hook-up in your house.

This charge was a rip off.  I figured I paid for the signal into my house, what I did with it was my business.  With this philosophy I managed to override my usual law-abiding “do the right thing” instincts.

Cable wire was cheap.  Splitters were cheap.  Labor (me) was cheap.  I wired my house for three additional hook-ups for about $20 and saved myself $10.50 a month.  The only issue I had was after about three weeks CBS and NBC did not give a clear picture.  These channels came in fuzzy and the color tended to be a bit blurry.  For $10.50 a month I could endure poor reception on the two predominant stations in the country.  There were 38 other channels including HBO, I was still in TV heaven from four different rooms in the house.

About one year after my DIY wiring I received a call from the cable company. 

“Mr. Hagy?”

“Yes”

“This is Mr. Jones from the cable company.  Our maintenance checks have determined there is a problem with your service…have you noticed any signal weakness?”

“Oh shit,” I thought to myself.  These guys have a way to determine I have extra hook-ups.  If they come in and spot my handy work they are going to charge me $10.50 times the 14 months I have had the hook-ups plus penalties and probably threaten me with theft of service.

“Ah…no, my service is perfect, no need for you to come and check anything.  Really, I’m good.”

“Hmmm, well that is surprising sir because we are detecting issues.  We will have to come out and check.  Would Tuesday be OK?”

“Er…ah, well there is no need to come and check, my service is just fine.”

“Well Mr. Hagy, we do have to check it out, FCC rules you know.”

“FCC rules, what do they care?”

“Well believe it or not, if there is signal leakage it can interfere with instruments of airplanes passing overhead, so we will have to come out and check your entire system.”

“Ok…ah…sure…airplanes…really…I guess Tuesday would be alright.”

What a crock of crap!  Signal leakage effecting airplanes overhead.  These guys have somehow detected that I have been using multiple hook-ups and they want their pound of flesh.

Damn…500+ words…going to be a two part post.  Come back tomorrow for  

Part Two – CABLE SMABLE

BRIDGE TOMMY, BRIDGE!

BRIDGE TOMMY, BRIDGE!

 

 In high school I was on the wrestling team.  I was not particularly good and I did not like the sport, but the football coach was also the wrestling coach and he wanted his football players to also wrestle.  He thought it would give his players more speed and endurance.  It was probably the reason our football team was not very big.

While other kids used the off season to rest up and put on weight, wrestlers fought to “make weight” or lose pounds in order to compete in a lower weight class.  Working out in sweats in a 90 degree gym and feasting on carrot sticks and celery during the teen years probably resulted in stunted growth for several of our football players. 

I never wrestled higher than junior varsity and my record was about 50/50.  I generally won by a pin, or lost by a pin; I just did not have the stamina to go the full nine minutes of a three period match.  Much as I despised wrestling it did provide some good stories.

In one tournament I was matched against a kid from Hunterdon Central, a known New Jersey wrestling powerhouse school at the time.  I expected a tough match and was surprised to find from the very start that my opponent was not a very good wrestler.  At the referees first whistle I had this kid on his back. 

He was not an experienced wrestler, but he was a tough competitor and would not give in to a pin.  He bridged (arching ones back while lifting your shoulders off the mat to avoid being pinned) the entire first period.  During the whole time I had him in a near pin, there was a loud clear voice from the thin crowd exhorting him to avoid defeat.

“Bridge Tommy bridge…move Tommy move…fight Tommy, move…bridge Tommy bridge.”

This voice did not stop for the whole first period as I attempted to pin my man.  In the second period I once again took down my inexperienced but gutsy opponent and had him on his back in a near pin situation.  The voice from the crowd rang out loud and clear once again.

“Bridge Tommy bridge…move Tommy move…fight Tommy, move…bridge Tommy bridge.”

For almost three minutes the voice did not stop rooting this kid on, and in turn he refused to be pinned.

The third period was more of the same.  I had “Tommy” on his back, and the voice from the crowd could not be missed.

“Bridge Tommy bridge…move Tommy move…fight Tommy, move…bridge Tommy bridge.”

With only seconds left in the match, my opponent’s strength finally sapped and just before he gave up and submitted to being pinned he screamed out at the top of his lungs,

“WOULD YOU SHUT UP MOTHER!”

 

As much as I hated this sport, it did teach me in later years to root for my own children silently.

IS THAT A FACT? - A Cranky re-run

Monday is now officially Cranky re-run day.  This re-run is from January 2012.  I liked it, but it recieved only one comment and few hits.  Why then am I re-running it?  It's my blog and I liked it so here it is again.

IS THAT A FACT?

 

What is a fact? A fact is an assertion or statement that has yet to be disproved.  Experts love to use facts to motivate people to accepting their ideas.  People accept their “facts” and so they become…er…ah fact!

Here is a good one:

The Environmental Working Group’s (EWG) recently published Meat Eater’s Guide points out that if you ate once less burger a week it would be the environmentally-positive equivalent of taking your car off the road for 320 miles.

It must be true because a “working group” said it; but being a cranky old man I have to ask…Wha…Wha…Wha…WHAT? 

I guess since hamburgers come from cattle, and cattle eat grass, and grass converts CO2 into Oxygen, and cattle fart methane, then eating hamburgers requires environmental-negative cattle.  Still, I question this “fact”.

Did these experts really find a way to equate one hamburger a week into a number of cattle that if removed from the environment would reduce environmental destruction by virtue of less methane and more oxygen the equivalent of driving a car 320 miles?

RT- Am I the only one that misspells a word so badly that Microsoft Word offers no suggestions? 

Is that car a Prius or a Lexus?  What size burger?  Is it a .99 Mickey Dee burger, or a big old ½ pounder? What am I eating instead of the burger?  If I eat broccoli, wouldn’t that reduce oxygen replacing plants?  Trust me, it would certainly increase methane! 

Do I really have to feel guilty about destroying the environment because I eat a freaking hamburger? 

Did you know that if we were to remove one Environmental Working Group Member from the earth it would be the environmentally -positive equivalent of growing one half acre of alfalfa?

That’s a fact!