THE GREATEST TV SHOW EVER!!

THE GREATEST TV SHOW EVER!!

TV land on my cable channel 34 broadcasts re-runs of “Leave it to Beaver” every morning.  There have been some great situation comedies through the years, “I Love Lucy,” “You’ll Never Get Rich,” “Mash,” “The Cosby Show,” “Sienfeld,” on and on right up until today with “The Office,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and others.  Far and away the best and probably the most underrated comedy of all time is “Leave it to Beaver.”

This show was the closest to reality of any situation comedy I have ever seen.  If you lived a lily-white middle class life in any suburb USA in the fifties and sixties, you either knew or were “The Cleavers.”  There were no complicated plots in this show, just the stuff every family with boys goes through every day.  The writers managed to combine life as seen through the eyes of a child, an adolescent, and a mom and dad in perfect comedic juxtaposition.  (I looked it up...it is used correctly)

Watching the frustrated dad “help” his third grader with his homework is as accurate (and funny from the outside looking in) then as it is today.

“Beaver, you’ve had three weeks to write this poem for school, why did you wait until the day before it is due?”

“Gee dad, I was afraid that if I did it earlier I might lose it and junk.”

If you put this show in a time capsule the future archeologists that view it would shake their heads in disbelief. 

“Mom washing dishes in a full party dress, pearl necklace and perfectly quaffed hair…REDICULOUS!”

“Dad coming to dinner with a suit and tie…how unrealistic.”

Who would believe parents would let their six-year old wander around town alone all day?  

“Wally, will you go and see what’s keeping the Beaver, it’s almost time for supper.”

All these things and more were actually an accurate portrayal of suburban life in the fifties and sixties.  It was an age of formality and innocence we will not see again.

In one episode, The Beaver decides to run away from home because he was yelled at by his father.  Mom and Dad helped him pack, patted him on the head and on his way out the door said, “Were sure going to miss you.”

Would this ever happen today in a world of helicopter parents looking over their shoulder for kidnappers, pedophiles and drunk drivers at every corner?

When I was six, I ran away from home.  I don’t remember why, but I do remember my mom yell on my way out, “Don’t forget your toothbrush.”  When I returned to the door she handed my toothbrush to me and said, “We’re sure going to miss you!”

Of course she sent my older brother, Chris, to follow me.  After about three blocks he caught up to me.  Apparently he was tired of this running away nonsense.

“Hey squirt, where are you going to go?  Join the circus? What?”

I had no answer, so I just turned around and came home.  Dinner was waiting.  No one ever mentioned the brief time I was “on my own.”

I guess that is why I like “Leave it to Beaver;” anyone that has ever been a little boy has been “The Beaver.”  

Alexander Douwes - Eagle Scout

Alexander Douwes - Eagle Scout

Last Saturday I attended an Eagle Scout ceremony for my friend’s son, Alexander son-of-Frog.  Achieving the status of Eagle Scout is special.  The process of becoming an Eagle Scout is arduous.  Eagle Scouts are special.

There are many stages of scouting to be reached before achieving Eagle Scout status. Each stage requires several specific accomplishments before advancing to the next stage.  

I was once a cub scout.  I advanced to the rank of Tiger Cub by learning the scout pledge, salute, and how to properly tie a neck tie.  I dropped out on my attempt at my Wolf badge when I could not make a radio out of a spool of wire and a container of Quaker Oats.

Being able to tie a neck tie was essential to me later on in life.  Being able to build a radio out of wire and a Quaker Oats container probably did not keep me from becoming CEO of my company.  Except that the confidence from learning these tasks might have pushed me to a higher status on the totem pole of life.  I will never know.

Alexander son-of -Frog will know.  The tasks he has completed, the tools he has learned will give him far more than the ability to start a fire with two sticks; they will give him the confidence to try anything, the leadership ability to inspire others to follow, the strength to keep going when the going gets difficult, and the character to look temptation in the eye and turn away from those things that are just not fair or right and gravitate to those things that add to societies’ greater good.

My step-crank is an Eagle Scout.  You do not have to say that he is a good kid.  You do not have to say that he has good values.  You do not have to say that he will not succumb to drugs or gambling or anything that would bring him dishonor.  You only have to say, “He is an Eagle Scout.”

Henry Aaron is an Eagle Scout…Charlie Manson was not.

Neil Armstrong is an Eagle Scout…John Wayne Gacy was not.

Michael Bloomberg is an Eagle Scout...Joel Rifkin was not.

Bill Bradley is an Eagle Scout…Osama Bin Laden was not.

Ross Perot is an Eagle Scout…John Mohammad (The Beltway Sniper) was not.

Gerald Ford was an Eagle Scout…Richard Nixon was not.

Steven Spielberg is an Eagle Scout…Ted Bundy was…OK…bad example but I’m pretty sure he cheated on his good citizenship badge.

The point is Eagle Scouts are groomed for leadership, high standards and success.  I once read that 20% of the CEO’s in this country are Eagle Scouts.

Congratulations Alexander son-of-Frog.  You should be proud.

Frog bringing in the Color Guard

“Will Pipe for food”

Mrs. Frog presents award to Alexander son-of-Frog

Then she cried…..Moms!

Frog presenting troop scarf to Alexander son-of-Frog

Mrs. Frog cried some more…MOMS!!*

*Pictures by a cranky photographer with a frickin phone.

HEADLINES 061712

HEADLINES 061712

I know it is Father’s Day, but it is also Sunday and this week’s stupid headlines and my even stupider, sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments will not be denied.

UK Prime Minister Cameron leaves 8-year-old daughter in pub – Leader claims, “I for hic got!”

Massachusetts town to vote on $20 fines for cursing in public – What the fuck?  Oh shit..$40? Damn…$60…what the hell?

Penguins' Explicit Sex Acts Shocked Polar Explore – Anyone under 17 going to the Artic must be accompanied by an adult.

KKK road adoption application denied in Georgia – State did not trust clan to take care of  blacktop.

Distant Human Ancestor Had Shark Head – Archeologists find world’s first lawyer.

Egypt: Women Sexually Assaulted at March Against Sexual Harassment – Do NOT march against beheadings in Egypt!

Russian police search protest leaders' apartments – Protesting in Russia is a picnic compared to protesting in Egypt.

Americans say Bush still more to blame than Obama for economy – Americans also credit Clinton for economic boom during first seven years of Bush Presidency, and blame Bush for 9-11, Katrina, flesh eating bacteria, bad cable TV reception and pimples.   I am guessing that Americans don’t like the ex-president.

Liberals increasingly wary of Mormons in office, study show – I have to assume this is in error because I have been told a million times that Liberals are all about inclusion and multi-culturism.

KKK chapter seeks ACLU's help to adopt Georgia highway – Only in America!

Conservative bloggers taking precautions over ‘SWAT-ing’ attacks – I like Barack Obama.  I hate capitalism.   I love multi-culturism.   Michael Moore is a cinematic genius.  George Bush is a dope.  We should tax the shit out of all the frickin nasty rich people.  Let people vote first and then ask questions later.