INDICATORS OF STUPID

INDICATORS OF STUPID

Some people show they are stupid when they try to sound smart.  Some people apparently are just proud to sound stupid.  Some people are just stupid.  The following are just a few examples of:

Cranky’s indicators of stupid

Screwing up on the past tense – These nimrods are never sure of their past tense.   

“I went to the store” or “I had gone to the store” becomes “I had went to the store.” 

“They ate dinner” or “They had eaten dinner” becomes “They had ate dinner.”

Sometimes I think they screw up the tenses on purpose; I believe they are proud of their stupidity.

“Things of that nature” - This is a beauty.  “We were buying groceries and things of that nature.”  What this idiot is really doing is trying to dress up that neon sign of stupidity “and shit.” The proper use of the tense “were” instead of “was” helped to disguise this person’s stupidity; “things of that nature” gives him away.

YO is not a word.  Stupid people think “Yo” means excuse me, and saying it makes interrupting perfectly alright.  Yo yo yo equals triple stupid!

Basically, stupid people love to say basically.  People that preface everything with “basically” light up the stupid meter.  “Basically we had went to the store.”

Can you say “Like” enough?  “I was like “what?” And he was like all “oh yeah,” so I was like “that’s right” and he was like “I don’t think so” then I was like……

“You know” just accentuates stupid: “I was you know like “what?” And he was like all “oh yeah,” you know so I was like “that’s right” you know and he was like you know “I don’t think so” then I was you know like……

Stupid people revel in not using the possessive.  “I was gone to my mom house.”  “They piled into he car.”  “All three went back to they home.” 

Using inappropriate words to try and sound intelligent: We were conversating and he accusatorily intimated that my veracity was deficienativly unarticulated.

Putting it all together, “We were talking and he called me a liar.”

 Becomes (in stupid) “Yo yo yo, like basically we had be conversating and things of that nature at they house, you know, and he like basically accusatorily intimated that my, you know, veracity was like deficienativly unarticulated.

Aiight?    

CURSER DUDE

CURSER DUDE

The other day while exiting the supermarket, I overheard the cart collector dude cursing up a storm….to himself!  It reminded me of a character at my workplace many years ago.

The 14th floor of our building housed about 300 workers.  I knew about 100 by name.  There was one worker who no one ever saw but everyone knew by name.  He was called “Curser Dude.”

Curser Dude was never seen but often heard.   He was heard in the men’s room bathroom stall.  He cursed in the bathroom stall; twice a day.

For the sake of those readers who are easily offended and to avoid Google hits from those highly religious mid-east countries searching on “Old man buggers young piglets” I am using made up words; insert your own language as you feel appropriate…it will still not approach the foulness of the language used by “Curser Dude.”

Washing up in the men’s room you could not escape the tirade of Curser Dude's invectives comming from the bathroom stall:

“Friggin fraggin faffle mother fluffing bathtubs primps!  I’m going to frag your pumple you cunk faced poffin sonofabuckle!”

These tirades would go on for ten or fifteen minutes.  Everyone heard them from time to time, but no one ever saw Curser Dude.  Curser Dude would not exit the stall if anyone was in the bathroom.   No one ever hung around the bathroom waiting to see who came out to reveal who was the Curser Dude.  

People were a bit afraid of Curser Dude.

As long as he was anonymous he was not a threat, but Curser Dude was scary!

One day while I was washing up after a visit to the John, Curser Dude started up from the stall.

“Trucking ballawig you can eat shizle you frumping artshome.  I aughta rip your frizzle right off your snozin you stupin crunt faced guzzle hosed fragger.  SHIMP FUNK CONCH CURNT BASTIN!!! 

Suddenly the stall latch was lifted.  Curser Dude did not know I was in the room.  I tried to dry my hands quickly and beat feet outta there, but it was too late.  Out of the stall came Curser Dude.

Curser Dude was a little surprised to see me, but he was not embarrassed and acted as if the cursing tirade never happened.

“Oh hi Joe how is it going?”

“Hector?  Um hey Hector, you know, same old same old.”

“Yeah, me too, see you around.”

The Curser Dude was Hector.  

Hector was about 5’4” tall and 25 pounds overweight.  His wardrobe was 10 years out of date, he wore his pants above his waist, tucked his tie into his pants and his reading glasses hung around his neck from a braided string.  Hector was the quietest most unassuming worker on the 14^th floor.  The only thing he ever talked about outside the stall was trains.  He loved the NYC subway system, he rode every train everywhere.  If someone needed subway directions they went to Hector.

Hector the train guy was Curser Dude.  I never told anyone that I knew who the Curser Dude was.  I never mentioned the cursing to Hector.  I did not want to ruin the mystery, and I was afraid if Hector went postal he would look for me first.

We think we know people by their dress and demeanor, but there are secrets and there is mystery behind everyone.

HEADLINES 031812

HEADLINES 031812

It’s Sunday, time for this week’s silly headlines and my stupider, sophomoric comments.

'Pink slime' is good for America's schoolchildren, manufacturers claim- Slime spokesman says, “WE prefer to call it colorful meat-like extract.  It is perfectly safe.  We also add bug parts for extra protein.”

Middle school coach Timothy Forbes bites off part of opposing coach’s ear following loss – Forbes stated afterward, “That son-of-a-bitch would not know good sportsmanship if it bit him!”

Suit: NASA specialist axed over intelligent design – NASA has a strict rule that all designs be stupid.

Deaths barred in Italian village – Penalty for breaking this law is said to be very severe.

New Hampshire town to vote on renaming Jew Pond – Residents must choose between Kike Puddle or Nigger Lake.

LSD Might Help Alcoholics Quit, Stay Abstinent – Success is attributed to the inability of users to tell the difference between liquor bottles and screaming rainbow colored monkeys.

UN panel adopts sidelined report that praised Qaddafi rights record – They also handed out medals to those backward countries which advocate victims of rape marry their rapist so as to not shame their family.

Massachusetts doctors offer free pizza with vasectomy- In retaliation, Vinnie’s Pizzeria is offering a free vasectomy with pizza.

Amish teens face charges for crashing into police car during buggy drag race – Oh those crazy Amish!

Woman addicted to drinking urine – She might want to try a little LSD.

GPS Tracking Disaster: Japanese Tourists Drive Straight into the Pacific- They apparently missed the command to turn left at the Indian Ocean.