NAME THAT BOAT

NAME THAT BOAT

I passed a car the other day that was towing a 28’ cabin cruiser named “YouOnly Live Once.”  What were they thinking?  I know it is a cute name and sure to get a few laughs along the waterway, but why not put in big lettering under the name I AM NOT A SAILOR!

Boat names should not be cute.  They should honor a loved one (preferably a lady) or perhaps tell something about the owner.  Growing up there were several boats in our family.  My Grandfather ran a business processing waste fabrics into polishing cloths and industrial wiping rags.  His boat was named “ETSAW”.  My uncle worked in the business; he owned a boat named “Rags”.  My brother, his wife and their three children all graduated from Duke University in North Carolina.  Their boat is the “Blue Devil.”

My parents named their small cruiser after my Mother’s favorite aunt, “Mable H.”  Dad had a small crabbing boat on the Eastern Shore Maryland named the “Crab Ali” after Alison his first granddaughter. He named an eight foot sailing dink “The Merry Bee”, after Mary Beth, his other granddaughter.

Cute names like “Momma’s Mink”, “Dad’s Cad” and so on are good for a quick laugh, but nautical they are not!

One thing to consider when naming a boat is how a distress call to the Coast Guard will sound:

“Coast guard station, coast guard station, MAY DAY, MAY DAY, this is motor vessel the “Momma’s Mink”.  We are without power and taking on water, May Day May Day!

“This is coast guard station calling motor vessel “Mr. Ming” over.

“Coast guard station that is “Momma’s Mink”.

“This is coast guard station, did you say “Momma’s Mink?  Over.”

“Roger coast guard station. Over.”

“This is coast guard station….What were you thinking? Over.”

“Coast guard station…It was my wife’s idea! Over.”

“This is coast guard station; we are on our way “Momma’s Mink” hope we get there before you sink!”

                                                          OR

Coast guard station, this is sailing vessel “Hang On Sloopy.”  We are without power and are taking on water. Over.”

“Vessel ‘Hang On Sloopy’ this is coast guard station, are you a sloop? Over.”

“…..Yes, over.”

“This is coast guard station calling sloop ‘Hang on Sloopy’….er…. Hang on ‘Hang on Sloopy’ sloop just hang on….hang on hang on! ……Sorry Sloopy….I had to do it.”

Please people, think.  Do you really want to make a distress call with a boat named “You Only Live Once?”

INITIAL REACTION

INITIAL REACTION

 Little shit annoys me.  I know it shouldn’t, but it does.  That is why I am a cranky old man.  This one really frosts my morning coffee!

A recent study determined that people whose initials result in a positive image live 4.5 years longer than people whose initials have a negative connotation.  So Warren Oscar Williams can expect to outlive Betty Ann Davis by 4.5 years.

Who funded this?  How did they conduct this study?  Who cares?

Should everyone now make sure to name their children with positive initials so they live longer? 

Adolph Hitler had no middle name.  His initials were AH…asshole.  I’m kinda glad his initials did not add an extra 4.5 years to his life.

What constitutes a positive, negative or neutral connotation?  My initials are JPH.  ??? Is that neutral?  Will I live 2.25 years longer than Betty Ann Davis?  Do actuaries know about this initial crap? 

YES is a positive initial.  Will Yelbert Edward Shithead out live Nathanial O’grand?

There must be about a million variables in a study such as this.  Were genetics factored in?  Was gender a factor?  What is positive, what is negative?  Are initials ABG Ass Backwards Geek, or Able Bodied Gentleman? 

Do you think whoever ran this study had any preconceived ideas about what the results might be?  Was the study done in such a way that the results might be skewered to make the conclusion fit the hypothesis?  Hmmmm.

What is that you say?  “Come on Cranky, these studies are performed by respected intelligent honest scientists and academians.” 

REALLY?  If they are so freaking intelligent and honest and respected, then why aren’t they studying and solving problems that might actually make a difference in some body’s life?

Why do I care?  I’m just cranky. 

I should have never even read about a study that was conducted by someone named Donald Unger Michael Bates!

HEADLINES

HEADLINES

In this age of twenty second sound bites sometimes all we read in a news story is the headline, however, sometimes the headlines scream “YOU HAVE TO READ MORE!!  These beauties all were found on the internet 8-12-11:

Man Allegedly Urinates on 11-Year-Old Girl During Flight to New York – Allegedly? He did, or he didn’t, kinda hard to fake!

Norwegian Mass Killer Breivik 'Horrified by His Actions,' Psychologist Reveals – He slaughtered 92 people, mostly children, but now I should feel sorry for him?

Nursing Home Workers Sentenced For Making Patients Slippery – OK kids, this is why I ask you to just drop me off in a cabin in the woods with TV, a bottle of scotch and a brick of Velveeta cheese.  

Calif. man accused of trying to break in to prison – So he got caught, what are they going to do?  Send him to jail?

24-year-old Connecticut woman savagely attacks girl, 12, who was 'looking at' her boyfriend at party – The little tramp was obviously an adultaphile!

Russian Woman Killed by Husband's Homemade Rocket – Russia is still behind in the Spouse Race.

Teen Has Tongue Surgically Lengthened to Speak Korean – Only to find out he still did not know the language.

Detained Mexican Drug-Gang Leader Suspected in 900 Homicides – Detained?  Well actually it turns out he only killed 300.  He just ordered the other 600.

Astronomers find darkest planet ever – Then lose it after blinking.  “It’s somewhere over there, in all that black stuff.”

Woman Accused of Stealing From Alex Trebek Claims She Is a Prostitute, Not a Robber – I’m sorry, that should be WHAT is a prostitute, not a robber?