HEADLINES 030412
Sunday is time again for Cranky’s weekly review of stupid headlines and my even stupider sophomoric and sometimes insensitive comments. This week a WHOOP-TEE-DOO will be awarded to the person who submits the best headline comment improvement as judged by….me.
Costa Cruises liner adrift after fire on board – Why would one lousy board being on fire set a great big liner adrift?
Mary Jo Buttafuoco remarries in Las Vegas – I’m guessing this was not a shotgun wedding. (GIYP)
Vermont woman asks judge to ban Town Meeting prayer – If this is a big problem in Vermont, I just gotta move there. We have real problems in New Jersey!
Second Birth Control Pill Recall in Month – Big deal, they sell millions and millions, and only 2 frickin pills are defective. Why is this news?
Gay Marine’s homecoming kiss goes viral – My mom would have thought that this meant a happy Marine’s kissing started rampant mononucleosis!
Hank Haney: Tiger Woods considered leaving golf to become a Navy SEAL – He backed off when he found Seals do not earn 75 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR!!
Santorum Focuses on Reaching Out to Women – “It worked for Bill Clinton it could work for me!”
Grandmother, 55, to Audition for Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders – Hey…I’m old, I’m not dead. I like younger women!!
Air Force Shelves $3B Worth of Brand New Drones – Wait till Darryl of “Storage Wars” bids on this one. That’s the real WOW factor!
Medical Journal Advocates Killing Newborns – Journal states it is “simply preventative medicine. Once killed, these kids never get sick!”
Son won't evict 98-year-old mom from Connecticut home – When his lawyer advised eviction would take over six months the thoughtful son decided, “I can wait.”
Students protest valedictorian's deportation order – Immigration officials assert deportation of honor student who hoped to attend Harvard and become a heart surgeon is necessary in order to make room for drug dealers and murderers entering the country illegally every day.
Unnecessary cancer treatment in men on the rise – Study finds elimination of Viagra solves the problem more effectively than cancer treatment!The folloeing is a shameless plug for my Best Selling Author cousin- Elenor Herman:
BUY her latest book "King Peggy" http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Elenore+Herman&x=11&y=19
As always, great headlines!! I don't have anything witty to add (I'm one of those people who will come up with the quick retort ten minutes late...) but if I do, I'll be back!!
ReplyDeletePS you know you aren't THAT insensitive. I know that there were some easy to comment-on tornado headlines you didn't touch :) But newborn killing you went for!