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Saturday, January 6, 2018

STUPID HEADLINES 010718

STUPID HEADLINES 010718
A little bit of everything  in this one
It’s time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.
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Mom says talking doll she bought for daughter called her a 'b----' -The doll is entitled to its opinion.
ESPN reporter dating Falcons tight end –  Ornithologist experts who do not live in the United Stated might want to Google “NFL Football” before passing judgment.
Disney princes in 'Snow White,' 'Sleeping Beauty' are sex offenders, professor says – Yeah, and what about that Pan kid kidnapping Wendy and taking her to his boy gang…is bang not implied?
Man Sues McDonalds For Still Being Depressed After Eating Happy Meal – His case will be heard by Mayor McCheese, right after they try the Hamburgler.
Alabama newspaper executive admits he spanked at least one female employee – At least one, but less than 100.  Claims it was on doctor’s orders to calm down a “Psychologically ill” woman, because nothing calms a woman down like a good spanking.
Doctor accused of reusing anal catheters on dozens of patients – The doctor claims none of his patients gave a shit.
The cold is causing frozen iguanas to fall from trees in Florida – I’m staying out of this State, you keep your head down looking for gators and get slammed by a frozen iguana…it’s just not safe I tell ya.
More classified emails found on Weiner's laptop – Just reading “Weiner’s laptop” makes me want to take a shower.
Heinz packet found inside woman who believed she was suffering from Crohn's – Up Up…*
Connecticut man ripped 20 chickens' heads off during 'jealous rage' – According to Dr. Phil three sure signs of unhealthy jealousy are, monitoring cell phones, following, and ripping the heads off of chickens.
JFK's nephew says Emanuel has plan to force black people out of Chicago – Mayor Emanuel claims plan to play Pat Boone’s “April Love” in a continuous loop around the city has nothing to do with forcing black people to leave Chicago.
FEEL-GOOD STORY of the WEEK:
Robber locked inside Texas store begs to be released – Watch this to the end and you will get a warm glow all over.
*Don’t even try to figure this out, but (old friend) Frog is laughing!
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Come back again next week for more
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
Go Bulldogs!

16 comments:

  1. Much improved headlines with the brief explanations.

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  2. Omgosh. I can usually pick a favorite but not this time. All of these are hilarious!

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  3. Looks like now is the time to pick up a pet iguana.

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  4. Thank goodness you always find a feel good story to end the week with. In Canada ours was a bunch of Maritimers helping a beached whale back to deep water. Damn cold out there so they were a plucky bunch.

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  5. Love the dumb criminal that got locked up in the store. What a happy ending for the rest of us.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

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  6. "April Love” in a continuous loop would have me looking else were also.

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  7. As always, I loved your Stupid Headlines!!

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  8. I love these...my Sunday is now complete! Thanks!

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  9. I love the McDonald's trial comment, and your reason to stay out of Florida.

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  10. My favorite is the dumb criminal who got locked inside the store, that was great!

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  11. Brilliant thinking, to lock the guy in the store. And only nutjobs would see those old fairy tales as being about sex offenders.

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  12. It is raining iguanas in Florida. While Florida is a strange place.

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  13. Well, God answered his prayer - now hopefully he will learn from this and bea changed man.

    I agree about Weiners laptop. Gross

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  14. thanks for naughty commentary joe!

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  15. Now, now, don't be hard on those iguanas. They're not hurting anyone - they just sort of go dormant in the cold weather and fall asleep. And you know how it goes when you go to sleep - you have a hard time staying up in the trees.

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