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Saturday, April 1, 2017

STUPID HEADLINES 040217

STUPID HEADLINES 040217
It’s time again for

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
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What to Know About Adding a Deck – I try and be understanding about different lifestyles, but why is this article in Better Homes and Gardens?

Oh…DECK…Never mind.

Intelligent people go to bed late, leave a mess everywhere, and use bad language – Holy shit, I’m a sloppy, night owl, smart motha flucker! Who knew?

124-Year-Old Never-Worn Levi's Found in Arizona Cedar Chest – Dang, I’ll bet if you washed them about a dozen times and cut slits in the knees they’d be worth a lot of money.
72% of bosses conduct background checks on job candidates – Coincidentally 28% of bosses pay less than minimum wage.
34 people busted for plot to steal Ferrari – They would have got away if they didn’t all fight over who was going to drive it.
Mom who sold friends fake Disneyland tickets spared jail time – Instead, she is forced to go through the “It’s A Small World” ride three times a day for a week.
New York Firm Unveils Plan to Hang Skyscraper From Asteroid – Firm of Madden, Looney and Nutts plan to finance the project by selling their flying pig farm and expect to complete it just before Hell freezes over.
Big Bank Now Offers Ten New ‘Gender Neutral’ Titles For Credit Cards – Along with the traditional Mr. Mrs. Miss and Ms. They have added:
Mx (pronounced “mix” or “mux”)
Ind (abbreviation of “individual”)
M (a gender-neutral variant of Mr/Miss/Mrs)
Misc (“miscellaneous”)
Mre (“mystery”)
Msr (a mix of “miss” and sir”)
Myr (pronounced “meer”)
Pr (pronounced “per” – short for “person”)
Sai (pronounced “sigh” – used predominantly in Asia)
Ser (pronounced “sair” – used in Latin America)
I DEMAND they add Odrmr - short for Old and don’t remember!!
Man duct-taped to street sign after losing bet – He bet his buddy that he couldn’t be duct-taped to a street sign.  He was taped at the corner of Drunk and Drunker.
Boy Saves Mom’s Life By Doing the Opposite of What She Said – Every time I was caught doing the opposite of what my mom said she told me “You’re killing me!”
Trucker drove nonstop from Seattle to Massachusetts fueled by drugs – Who knew a diesel engine could run on pot.
The FEEL-GOOD story of the week:
Armless basketball player, 13, winning game with last second shot


Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

16 comments:

  1. I'm guessing the firm of Madden, Looney and Nutts is represented by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe?

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  2. Ha! I was once on that "Small World" ride at Disneyland and it broke down, leaving us stranded in front of the little Dutch windmill for an hour while they fixed the ride, and that song played the entire time, driving me nuts.

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  3. A good gender neutral title would be nothing ... Hmm, seems that's how my card rolls.

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  4. On your gender choies you forgot COM and COW (cranky old man/crank old woman). And was that not a fantastic shot and a glorious moment for that young man.

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  5. LoL! I can see how that Ferrari incident happened... No way I'd go out without a fight to drive it.

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  6. Some of my best moments in life have been spent duct taped to a stop sign.

    Don't knock it.

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  7. The only news worth reading these days

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  8. I just love these headlines. I like your responses to them better.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  9. The first thing to know when you add a deck is what house you live in. If you build a deck on your neighbor's house you may get mixed reactions. "What to Know About Adding a Deck"

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  10. How were they all planning to fit into the Ferrari? That would be better than the old stuffing a VW Beetle contests.

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  11. That non-stop trucker probably went right past the man duct-taped to a street sign without even waving!

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  12. I'm lobbying for ofrt for old fart.

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  13. What is with guys and duct tape? I remember guys in school duct taping other guys to the benches in PE. :)

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  14. Well see, the guy just happened to have an asteroid kicking around, and was wondering what to do with it. . .

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  15. But how does the bank verify if someone really has no gender?

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