I was just informed by Mrs. C that we are going to Alaska in May. Some of you might think that sounds wonderful. I hate traveling, and this will be two weeks…with NO beach! Well Mrs. C likes to travel, so part of our deal is I go where she tells me we are going. She does all the planning, packing, and holds my hand so I don’t get lost, so it’s not too bad.
The thing about Alaska is all the things to do that I hear from my outdoors-nut friends Frog and Catfish, and what they’ve done on trips to our northernmost state. I don’t think I’m ready for their idea of adventure.
Frog took a beat up rent a car to go fishing. He followed a map which showed trails and made them look like actual roads. He somehow made it to an unchartered river and he and Mrs. Frog caught fish all day while hiking among grizzly bear tracks.
“Weren’t you afraid?”
“Oh no, we made lots of noise to let them know we were around, in general they stay away.”
“Yeah, plus I carried a 9000-millimeter Ugandan elephant pistol, you know, just in case. If that didn’t work, I can out run Mrs. Frog…well I could at the time.” (Old joke, sorry.)
I don’t plan to fish.
Catfish is even more over the top. I’m pretty sure he took a kayak on the Bering Sea to fly-fish for opilio crab. He used polar bear pelt and moose tail to tie a fly that mimicked a rotting mackerel. I think he could see Russia from where he fished.
Then there was the time Catfish got caught in a blizzard and had to kill and gut a seal. He spent the night in the seal hide to weather the storm. A Polar bear was sniffing around during the night, but he poked it in the balls to shoo him away. (My mind may have exaggerated the real stories a bit.)
I’m not quite as hard core.
I’m going to Alaska and we are never getting off the boat. There might be some group excursions that I can make sound exciting. Probably not.
Frog and Catfish will not be impressed.
I need to get some new friends. People who only go where all the drinks are served with an umbrella.