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Saturday, February 4, 2017

Stupid Headlines 020517

Stupid Headlines 020517
It’s time again for
That's still gotta be illegal
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
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To avoid offending patients, don’t use term ‘expectant mother’ – Something to do with offending transgender people…I don’t know I’m too old to understand.
American Airlines employee discovers $434G worth of cocaine in plane's nose gear – That plane is high even when it’s on the ground.
Florida pastor caught with man's wife, flees naked – I’m pretty sure there is a “Thou shalt not…” that covers this situation.  Is there something in the water in Florida?
Muslim Cleric Who Had 130 Wives Dies Aged 93 – He just couldn’t face one more Valentine’s Day.
LEGO Batman Movie Is Updated to Feature a ‘More Diverse’ Gotham City – Movie added characters made from pipe cleaners, clay and erector sets to be more inclusive.
Fish can't talk, so they pee instead – How do they say, “I’ve gotta pee”?
Mississippi school district moves forward with desegregation plan – No rush, it’s only been a law for 60 something years.
2-Ton ‘Target’ Ball Gets Loose In Paramus Parking Lot – Ball bounced off a pick-up truck, an SUV, and a sports car before slipping into the gutter just missing the tenpin*. 
'El Chapo' lawyers say jail conditions are too strict in NYC – How’s a fellow supposed to tunnel his way out when he’s surrounded by tons of concrete?
Substitute Teacher Arrested After Cartwheeling in Front of Choir Class Without Underwear – She was just trying to get the altos to hit a high note.
Woman claims she was booted from Spirit flight for showing too much cleavage – This is ridiculous. There is no such thing as too much cleavage!

Boston Marathon bombing survivor to marry firefighter who saved her – Who to save…who to save, Eenie meenie minee, WHOA!

*Bowlers will think this is funny.

AND THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:


She claims she gave Denzel Washington his first library card. Then he shows up on her birthday

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

21 comments:

  1. I love the one about "fish can't talk"!! It reminded me of this:
    Ab, c d goldfish?
    L!! M n no goldfish.
    O s a r, s a r; c m p n?

    ReplyDelete
  2. All good ones! The Florida pastor stood out because yesterday, I watched Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry on Book TV telling some
    ridiculously funny stories about Florida residents.
    And, I was curious about your link, so clicked. What a nice story to start my day - to read about and view the video of Denzel and the sweet 99 year old Miss Connie. I hope she lives for that experience again.

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    Replies
    1. I messed that up, did not have the proper lead in to the F-G story...I'll fix it, thx.

      Delete
  3. You certainly have got some good ones there.

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  4. I'm confused. Was it the teacher who wasn't wearing under ware or the choir?

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    Replies
    1. That is funny. I missed that angle, I need your writer's eye.

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  5. I love your stupid headlines. There are so many too.

    I linked this post to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

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  6. What is more stupid, claiming the dog was driving or having the dog drive? In California, the dog can get a driver's license if it is not from the United States (Chihuahuas).

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  7. Once again, your follow-ups are the funniest part!

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  8. If only you could make a living out of your hilarious comments. You'd be as rich in the bank as you are in the humour department. Thanks for these laughs.

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  9. Thanks for another funny Sunday morning!

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  10. So could the Spirit Airlines ejectee be the same cartwheeling choir teacher just trying to split town in a hurry? *snicker*

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  11. There are some serious sinners in the pastoral world aren't there? Maybe there's some kind of exemption that never was made public?

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  12. The plane's high even when on the ground! Ha! Priceless.

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  13. You make my Sunday afternoons fun!

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  14. Your Valentines comment was priceless. Too funny.

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  15. I learned my lesson with expectant mothers after asking one when she was due only to learn that she wasn't expecting. (and I'm a woman for goodness sakes, and a health care professional, you think I would know better!) I don't care if I see the baby falling out...I only give congrats after she has it in her arms. I had a good laugh over your post today..Thanks!

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  16. Around here, the most shocking thing about that substitute teacher would be that she could DO A CARTWHEEL!

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  17. To avoid offending patients... <-- I think that would be the patients with beer bellies!

    There is definitely something in the water in Florida!

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  18. My favorite - muslim cleric afraid to face another Valentines Day. LOVE IT.

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  19. Catching up - again. That Denzel piece made me boo hoo this morning. <3 So wonderful...

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