How To Beat The Patriots
A cranky Super Bowl Special
The big game is tomorrow. Wait, come back! Damn, there go two thirds of my readers. Oh well, for all you guys and Arkansas Patti, if you are interested I will tell you how to beat the New England Patriots.
First of all, being from New Jersey where the Jets play and annually lose twice to the Pats, and the Giants have won two Super Bowls against the Patriots, it is a requirement to hate the Patriots. Yes, their coach was an assistant for two Giant Super Bowl victories, but then he was named coach of the Jets for about a day and he threw all that away to coach in New England where all he has done is win and all the Jets have done is lose, so yeah, we hate Belichick and we hate the Pats.
The Giants beat the Patriots twice in Super Bowls. Here is how they did it.
The key to beating the Patriots is very simple. Every football expert will tell you, the key is to pressure their QB, Tom Brady. That’s it, genius, right? Tom Brady is not a great QB when he is under pressure. Of course, no QB is great under pressure. Most just plain suck if they are rushed. Brady is only damn good when he is pressured, so when I say pressure I mean you have to sack his butt at least four or five times and you have to hit him on 85% of his passes. If you can do that then Brady is only a good QB.
Second, how do you sack Brady that often and force the issue on so many passes when the Patriots offensive line is very good at protecting Brady and Brady is darn good at sidestepping a rush and picking a blitz apart? Shit, I don’t know, that’s why defensive coordinators get paid so much, I’m just telling you, that if you don’t sack Brady’s butt and make him rush his passes you don’t have a snowballs chance in hell to beat the Patriots.
Next, assuming you can sack Brady and make him rush his passes, you have to control the ball on the offense. You have to run the ball, control the clock and keep Brady off the field. How do you run the ball and control the clock against a defense with a great front line, excellent backers, and the best defensive backs in the game? Shit, I don’t know, that’s why offensive coordinators are paid so much, I’m just telling you that if you don’t run the ball and control the clock, you don’t keep Brady off the field and eventually he will kill you.
Finally, and this was the secret to the Giants success in beating the Patriots twice; after you sack and pressure Brady, and run the ball to control the clock you will still find yourself down by at least three points. You will have a third and twenty to go with less than a minute in the game. Here is where you beat the Pats…you fling the ball down field just before you are sacked and your receiver keeps the drive alive with a ridiculous one in a million catch with one hand and his helmet or a sideline-hugging grab that even instant replay can’t believe. Then while the defense is trying to figure out how that happened, quick score a TD and win the game.
Easy…pressure the crap out of Brady, run the ball to control the clock, and make a one in a million catch at the last minute.
Game over. Falcons win 27-24.