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Friday, February 3, 2017

How To Beat The Patriots

How To Beat The Patriots
A cranky Super Bowl Special
The big game is tomorrow.  Wait, come back!  Damn, there go two thirds of my readers.  Oh well, for all you guys and Arkansas Patti, if you are interested I will tell you how to beat the New England Patriots.
First of all, being from New Jersey where the Jets play and annually lose twice to the Pats, and the Giants have won two Super Bowls against the Patriots, it is a requirement to hate the Patriots.  Yes, their coach was an assistant for two Giant Super Bowl victories, but then he was named coach of the Jets for about a day and he threw all that away to coach in New England where all he has done is win and all the Jets have done is lose, so yeah, we hate Belichick and we hate the Pats.
Anyway.
The Giants beat the Patriots twice in Super Bowls.  Here is how they did it.
The key to beating the Patriots is very simple.  Every football expert will tell you, the key is to pressure their QB, Tom Brady.  That’s it, genius, right?  Tom Brady is not a great QB when he is under pressure.  Of course, no QB is great under pressure.  Most just plain suck if they are rushed.  Brady is only damn good when he is pressured, so when I say pressure I mean you have to sack his butt at least four or five times and you have to hit him on 85% of his passes.  If you can do that then Brady is only a good QB.
Second, how do you sack Brady that often and force the issue on so many passes when the Patriots offensive line is very good at protecting Brady and Brady is darn good at sidestepping a rush and picking a blitz apart?  Shit, I don’t know, that’s why defensive coordinators get paid so much, I’m just telling you, that if you don’t sack Brady’s butt and make him rush his passes you don’t have a snowballs chance in hell to beat the Patriots.
Next, assuming you can sack Brady and make him rush his passes, you have to control the ball on the offense.  You have to run the ball, control the clock and keep Brady off the field.  How do you run the ball and control the clock against a defense with a great front line, excellent backers, and the best defensive backs in the game?  Shit, I don’t know, that’s why offensive coordinators are paid so much, I’m just telling you that if you don’t run the ball and control the clock, you don’t keep Brady off the field and eventually he will kill you.
Finally, and this was the secret to the Giants success in beating the Patriots twice; after you sack and pressure Brady, and run the ball to control the clock you will still find yourself down by at least three points.  You will have a third and twenty to go with less than a minute in the game.  Here is where you beat the Pats…you fling the ball down field just before you are sacked and your receiver keeps the drive alive with a ridiculous one in a million catch with one hand and his helmet or a sideline-hugging grab that even instant replay can’t believe.  Then while the defense is trying to figure out how that happened, quick score a TD and win the game.
Easy…pressure the crap out of Brady, run the ball to control the clock, and make a one in a million catch at the last minute.
 
Game over. Falcons win 27-24.

19 comments:

  1. Damn it, Joe. As a Patriots fan, I wish you hadn't let the cat out of the bag about how easy it is to beat them :-)

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  2. The thing to do is rush at him before the game and give him a big bear hug/head butt that accidentally breaks his nose. Then go off and buy your hotdogs and sit back to watch your team win.

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  3. Tom Brady is good at what he does. That doesn't mean I like what he does. I hope this year the Atlantic Falcons can do something to stop him. I hope they win this year. Or maybe it just wishful thinking.

    betty

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  4. I think I came in the wrong door ...

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  5. Bumping into S.J.Qualls....'whoops, so did I'

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  6. I'm lost, but have fun tomorrow!

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  7. Why ever would anyone want to beat the Patriots? Well, I actually didn't care enough to read this entire post.

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  8. Grandpa used to say, "The coaches don't tell me how to deliver babies, so I'm not going to tell them how to coach football." That's my strategy, they can't do what i do, i can't do what they do, so i leave them to it and ask them to do the same for me.

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  9. I'll be rooting for the Falcons, but my record of picking winners isn't very good.

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  10. I don't get the whole 'hating-the-Patriots' thing. I mean, I suppose I get tired of them winning all the time, but 'hatred' is too strong a word for my feelings toward them. More like 'grudging respect'. I mean, I hate the Cowboys and the Raiders. Also the Yankees, and the University of Michigan. But hate the Patriots? Meh. . .

    Some of my fellow-Spartans try to tell me that I should hate Tom Brady because he's a Michigan guy, but I just laugh and recall that, when Brady was at Michigan, they couldn't wait to get rid of him, in favor Drew Henson. OK, so he's married to a super-model, and he's a California pretty-boy, but any ill feelings related to that end up seeming more like plain ol' jealousy than hatred.

    And besides, my Lions have finally decided that the path to success might just involve doing things more like the Pats do them (I mean, we hired our GM away from the Pats), so hating the Pats comes to seem the least bit disingenuous, since my team's highest aspirations are to become the Patriots-Midwest.

    I'm probably slightly to the Falcons side of the ledger, but not by much. Mainly, I just want to see excellent football at the highest level. . .

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  11. Well now we all know the secret. I still don't care, but I know how to beat them.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

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  12. I don't know, Joe, that other quarterback is pretty darned good, too. I'm thinking the Falcons win but I wouldn't think of predicting a score.

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  13. Love your play book and hope the Falcons were listening. I really don't like the Patriots since the snow plow game in 1982---yes I carry a grudge in sports. Plus if my team isn't playing, I naturally go for the underdogs. Let em fly Ryan.

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  14. I lived in CT for 20 years so I'm a Pats fan. This year, they are unstoppable. Unless the Falcons have some kind of super telepathy to know what they're planning, they don't have a chance. That time has a move planned 6 plays ahead and a backup plan too. An amazing team and coach. I wish them the best tomorrow. It won't be easy but I just have a feeling they are going all the way. Sorry :-( NOT!

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    1. I'll have to ask you to leave your Jersey Girl card at exit 18.

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  15. Wait. People care who wins? I thought it was all about the commercials and the halftime show!

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    1. And the SNACKS! Don't forget the SNACKS!

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  16. Good info Joe. I always thought you just had to score more points than the Pats to win:)
    I'm pulling for the Falcons. Julio played for Alabama.
    R

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