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Sunday, January 29, 2017

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS
This cranky re-run is from January 2013

It is a standard joke that men will never ask for directions.  No matter how lost, men will plod along forever till they run out of gas rather than ask for directions.  As with most running jokes or stereotypes, there is some justification for this myth.
But:

The truth is that men will ask for directions, they just will not ask for them as quickly as will women.  Women will suggest, “Pull over and ask for directions” at the drop of a hat.  The result is man can never be right regarding directions.  No matter the result of asking directions they will always be told, “Well it didn’t hurt to ask.”

If a man and his lady are in the car looking for a specific location, the woman will question the directions without any indication of being lost.

“I think we should pull over and ask for directions.”

“Why, we have the directions that Ralph gave us…so far they seem correct.”

“I don’t trust Ralph; remember how he gave us bad directions to the lake.”

“No, his directions were spot on.  You demanded we ask a pimply-faced teenager for directions when we were only a ½ mile from the lake.  He told us to turn around and sent us to the wrong lake.”
“Well Ralph never mentioned the McDonalds.  How can you not mention a landmark like that?  It made me think we missed a turn.”

“Landmark?  It was a fast food restaurant on route 130.  There is a fast food restaurant on every corner!”

“Not a McDonalds!  Those big golden arches…How do you not mention big golden arches?  Just pull over and ask someone.  Why are you afraid to ask?”

“Ok, ok I’ll pull into this Exxon station.  The dude with the turban and the strap-on beard looks like a local…Excuse me sir, can you tell me is this the way to Calvert Place?”


“Catchochatch?”

“What?”

CATCHOCHATCH?…CATCH O CHATCH FOR GAS!!*

“No, I don’t need gas, just directions.”

“Catch?”

“No catch, no chatch, no gas…directions!”

“Direct?  Where you go?”

“Calvert Place.”

“I tell, one dollar.”

“One dollar?  That’s crazy.  One dollar for directions?”

“Oh give him the dollar; it will be worth it to not get lost.”

“Ok, here, one dollar, now do you know where Calvert Place is?”

“Yes…turn right at light on corner when you pull out of station.  You know, at the sign that says ‘Calvert Place’.”


“…Thanks…  That’s just great, one dollar to point out Calvert Place twenty yards away.  Ralph’s directions were right again.”

“Well he should have said to look for an Exxon Station.  How do you not mention a big friggin tiger?  And what did it hurt to just ask?”

*In New Jersey we do not pump our own gas.  "Catchochatch"  is gas station-attentant language for "Will that be cash or charge sir?"  Do not ask "What?" or you will be yelled at for being a stupid American who does not understand perfectly clear gas station-attendant language.

21 comments:

  1. I'm just thankful for GPS and Google maps on the phone. Most of the time we get there without having to stop and ask for directions and I'm so thankful not to have to read a map directing my husband which way to go.

    betty

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  2. What did it hurt? It hurt your pocket to the tune of one dollar.
    I usually photocopy the relevant street directory page then mark the way with a bright marker pen.

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  3. If I am ever in New Jersey again, I will be able to speak fluent gas station, thanks to you!!

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  4. I can't even rely on my satnav but having the map alongside is a big help when I get lost.

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  5. I have NEVER had any luck asking at a gas station. It's either a 16 YO clueless kid or some old timer who's giving me North, South, East, West directions. If I'm lost, that's not going to help me.

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  6. Without indication of being lost? If I am in a car and twenty miles from my home, I am lost.

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  7. The hubs is always panicking and crying 'lost' but I inherited my dads 'homing pigeon' qualities and can always get us home...plus we have gps lol.

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  8. If I question the directions I usually call and have the person talk me aallll the way to the destination. Hahaha. Otherwise, I hope the directions are correct, my GPS is spot on or they see me when they see me. :)

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  9. Being lost isn't a big deal to me. The fact is, i'm still in the country, usually still in the same state and city, and the worst thing that can happen is i have to turn around and go back a bit. Sweetie goes insane if we get going the wrong way. It's best that we follow the GPS and not talk about it.

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  10. Just realized this was written before GPS were so common place. Well at least to me.

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  11. We too have GPS and it gets us where we need to go without the asking for directions. I did remember the old way though. Paper maps, shortcuts from your pals and a list of other stuff. Some of it worked out fine, and others not so much.

    Directions are great until there is construction. That can mess up everything in a heartbeat.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  12. My guys are obsessed with the GPS. The Pony uses it for going a half mile. Hick plugs it in for every trip, even though he's been there before. I think he likes hearing the lady talk to him.

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  13. Before the GPS, DH took us on many a wild goose chase. It's part of his make-up I guess to always 'know the way' or have a 'shortcut.'

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  14. And to think I though Oregon was the only state to forbid customers from pumping their own gas.

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  15. GPS really has taken you fellows off the hot seat about directions. Of course even they can have you driving into a lake.

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  16. Not to question your crank, but a bit of an observation: You seem to be speaking from a drivers perspective vs Mrs C in the alternate seat, right? Observation and advanced analysis has shown that this is not a male vs female thing, this is a driver vs shot-gun seat thing.

    Mom would NEVER stop to ask for directions growing up UNTIL she started teaching us boys to drive. When she drove she would drive off the edge of the Earth before she'd stop, but when we drove she'd lose track of where we was and insist on stopping to ask. Queenie used to be the same way, pre-GPS. I drove much of the time and she'd often lose track and assume we were off-course when I drove but when she drove she'd keep right on motoring because we were just a couple turns away for sure.

    Pretty sure Sensible's first full sentence was: "Daddy, why we go this way?"

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    Replies
    1. Excellent observation. As I think of it, currently Mrs. C does the driving, and I often suggest checking directions with siri and she refuses this help.

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  17. My father never stopped for directions. EVER! And of course my mother was nagging away in her ear so the fight would begin. It was ridiculous. Maybe that's why I don't ask for directions myself unless I've tried it a few times. The gas station lingo in NJ has changed since I lived there last in the 80s. I found that out the last time I was there and rented a car and had to fill up before giving it back at Newark airport.

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  18. This just made me laugh out loud! I've gotten the worse directions from gas station people and my own GPS. Jack is usually driving and when we get lost he always says: "Now I don't know where in the heck I am"...yep, just like a few minutes ago when I suggested stopping for directions because both of us didn't know where in the heck we were. My fav is when the GPS tells you to turn right...right into parking lot or the wrong exit. I still always carry a map.

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  19. In our marriage, my husband is the one who will ask for directions at the drop of a hat and I like to challenge myself...and yes, we've been lost a few times, due to my challenging myself.

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  20. Luckily, with navigation gizmos and smartphones, men never will have to humiliate themselves by having to ask for directions.

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