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Friday, November 25, 2016

We Just Need An Hour


We Just Need An Hour




A cranky opinion

For

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little regard for common sense or sensibilities.  Other opinions are welcome, and please, for crap sake, no politics, there is nothing political about this post. Oh yeah, as always, no name calling, that means you, you big stupid-head!

I recently was introduced to an idea whose time I believe has come.  "Shopping Hour" for men at the grocery store.

The other day while waiting in the 15 item or less line at Shop Rite a woman held up everyone with question asking, register shopping (still picking items while at the register) and general dawdling.  The dude in front of me turned and mumbled under his breath,

“There ought to be a shopping day just for men.”

I mulled this over for a bit and responded,

“I think an hour would do.”

Here is the thing, women’s shopping is not compatible with men's shopping.  I’m not saying they shop wrong, but their shopping drives men crazy.

Women examine every item they purchase.  They actually look at the price and the quantity to determine the best value.  Women look for specific brand names.  Woman examine all packages for potential damage.  These woman-shopping traits take time.  Men place more value on time then on product brand, price and quality; we grab an item drop it in the cart and move on.  Men shop faster.

Women block isles.  Women are never aware of other shoppers, they leave their carts in the middle of isles, they do not move to let others pass.  Women are too intent in the shopping process to be aware of others.  This does not bother other women, it is an accepted practice. It drives men crazy.  Men do not block isles and men move out of the way whenever they sense someone wanting to pass.

Women take forever at the checkout line.  They continue to shop while paying.   Men do not. They ignore item counts in the 15 item or less lane. Men count their items. Women pay with coupons and they argue over the validity of overdue coupons.  Men never use coupons. Women always pay with exact change.  They wait for the final total, pocketbook in hand but will not reach for money until they know the final bill.  Then and only then will they take out their wallet, and carefully search for the bills and change that will either cover the cost exactly, or result in the least number of coins returned as change, they then take forever putting the change away, carefully snapping and zipping their pocketbook paraphernalia.  Men are ready with one large bill and just cram whatever change results in their pocket. All of these woman shopping traits take time.  Other woman do not mind, it is accepted practice.  It drives men crazy.

The solution to this clash in shopping habits is simple.  Men don’t need much time to grocery shop.  We know what we want, we grab the first item we see and put it in the cart without regard for brand or price.  We don’t block isles and we never dawdle at the checkout line.  We can easily do our shopping for the week in an hour.  Just give us one hour a week.

I suggest Tuesday night, when there is no football, from 9:00 to 10:00 be reserved for men only.  Women will not be allowed in the supermarket during this one hour every week.  Men can get it all done in an hour and men and women would never again have to endure the clash in their shopping styles again.

That’s it, that is the idea.  It may be sexist, but come on; just give us one stinking hour!

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

29 comments:

  1. Them's fightin' words, Joe! In our family - I was the one to get in, grab what I needed and head for the register. I hate shopping! DH, on the other hand, like shopping and he can spend a lot of time looking and even going back down an isle. I know several couples just like us, so I don't think we are that strange.

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  2. I'd never examined it as closely as you did, but I must admit you're spot on! I go in organized, I get what I need, wham bam debit card, out the door. My wife spends twice as much time and money as I do grocery shopping because of her "impulse" buying. One hour would do me just fine. Great idea!

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  3. My husband visits the grocery twice a year. He is like a kid in a candy store for the first time. I can do circles around him. Just sayin!

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  4. 'Men do not block isles and men move out of the way whenever they sense someone wanting to pass'

    WHAT? Don't you believe it.
    Yes, I agree that men should have their own time.... gets them out of the way altogether!

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  5. Yes, i like the idea of men having a shopping hour one or two nights a week. All the men who wander around the stores i go to, eyes wide with wonder at items they've never seen, jaws agape and carts in the middle of the aisles and not even noticing, would have time to themselves.

    Men who seldom shop do those things, by the way. And i shop fast, already know what i want most of the time, try to be mindful and never take my half of the aisle out of the middle, and use the self checkout when i can because i am quick at it.

    Sometimes it's not gender, it's experience. The women who shop the way you talk about make me a bit crazy, too, although i know that's how their mothers taught them.

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    Replies
    1. nice to see at least two people who know how to spell aisles, you messymimi and only slightly confused below.

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    2. Catalyst got it right too.

      Friggin spell check, misses everything! Thanks for editing, I was born a spelling cripple, kept me out of MIT.

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  6. I think giving men that one hour to shop is a wonderful idea...it will get all you masculine types out of my road when I'm trying to shop. No more two old cronies meeting up in the middle of the aisle and having a nice lone "what have you been doing since you retired 300 years ago conversations". No more men standing in front of the shelves with their mouths hanging open scratching their heads because they can't choose between two brands of ketchup. Yes...give men their own shopping time...yes, yes, yes.

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  7. I don't think most men should be allowed in the store at all. They are the terrible ones. Messymimi and I are on the same page with this one.

    We could also address the very, very old people, and the 500 pound clods riding their scooters because they eat themselves into obesity. Okay, that's a later post.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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    Replies
    1. A reasonable point, but I hope to still be able, mentally and physically, to do my own shopping when I'm very very old.

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  8. I have been an advocate of "men only" shopping hours for years. My experience has been dodging old codgers, dazed and confused, trembling hands holding lists of items they damn better bring home in the exact brand and size requested by wifey - or else!

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  9. My brother-in-law is sent shopping unaccompanied. It takes him two hours to return with an onion. He has carried on a conversation with every item in the produce section. An onion and a can of soup is an all day trip.

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    Replies
    1. You're wandering from the pack here, Joanne. Be careful. Under the New Order, we may have to fit into categories and boxes, so be flexible....Men have certain traits, and it's the majority, women have others, and the exceptions are to be ignored, or statistically insignificant.
      Be one of the crowd for the next few years, it'll be easier on us all.
      Remember, women are different than men, and we men have to be patient with you. Repeat the mantra as needed.

      And Joeh, there was not a shred of politics in this.

      cheers
      Mike

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    2. Hey! no name calling...I believe I've just been called a misogynist.

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  10. You make some accurate observations. My Mrs. C. checks labels and read ingredients when she shops. I have a list and I'm in and out in a matter of minutes. And i seldom buy things not on the list.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. It doesn't take me long to shop either. Wham bam thank you ma'am.
    R

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  12. This is actually true. The stores actually know about these shopping differences and planb for them. I read a psych article about it years ago.

    Men tend to grab items at convenient heights to them, and if something happens while they are trying to get it (usually in the order of their leaning over and bumping themselves on the rack behind them), then they won't buy the item.

    For this reason, racks in men's stores or selling men's items tend to be further apart than racks in women's stores.

    Women will go out of their way for an item they want and won't be discouraged by inconvenience.

    Anyway, you have probably hit on something. You might earn dozens of dollars off this idea!

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  13. I shop like a man, lol. I'm always in a hurry and don't check the prices if I need it prices doesn't matter. You are so right about people stopping in the isles to talk and here at Walmart’s they don't move you have to find your way around them. Once my husband told some ladies he would run over them. He probably would have. If we shop together he always had to push the buggy. Take care. Jean

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  14. You couldn't do it in an hour if you had to decipher Mrs. C's list!!

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  15. Much of what you say is true but we have noticed just as many men blocking the aisles as women. But still . . .

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  16. If I were elected Queen of the United States, I would decree that all shopping be done by men.

    The Gross National Product would triple in mere months!

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  17. Wait! If men do the shopping, how will they ever be able to enjoy the snacks their wives have hidden away for themselves? There will be no snacks for stealing!

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  18. Going by this post, it's clear to me many of the men dawdling around our supermarkets here must be women in disguise.
    And having been on the working side of the register I know better than to keep shopping while my goods are being scanned and bagged.

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  19. Perhaps young men don't block the aisles but dag nabbit, these retired codgers are the worst, mainly because they are the cart pushers and responsible for where it is left while gabbing or searching for an item. By the way, Payton Manning uses coupons:))

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  20. Backwards here, I shop and grab, he wants to go down every aisle. When he retires one of his chores I think will be grocery shopping. I will be glad to delegate that to him.

    Betty

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