Friday, November 25, 2016
We Just Need An Hour
A cranky opinion
CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY
The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little regard for common sense or sensibilities. Other opinions are welcome, and please, for crap sake, no politics, there is nothing political about this post. Oh yeah, as always, no name calling, that means you, you big stupid-head!
I recently was introduced to an idea whose time I believe has come. "Shopping Hour" for men at the grocery store.
The other day while waiting in the 15 item or less line at Shop Rite a woman held up everyone with question asking, register shopping (still picking items while at the register) and general dawdling. The dude in front of me turned and mumbled under his breath,
“There ought to be a shopping day just for men.”
I mulled this over for a bit and responded,
“I think an hour would do.”
Here is the thing, women’s shopping is not compatible with men's shopping. I’m not saying they shop wrong, but their shopping drives men crazy.
Women examine every item they purchase. They actually look at the price and the quantity to determine the best value. Women look for specific brand names. Woman examine all packages for potential damage. These woman-shopping traits take time. Men place more value on time then on product brand, price and quality; we grab an item drop it in the cart and move on. Men shop faster.
Women block isles. Women are never aware of other shoppers, they leave their carts in the middle of isles, they do not move to let others pass. Women are too intent in the shopping process to be aware of others. This does not bother other women, it is an accepted practice. It drives men crazy. Men do not block isles and men move out of the way whenever they sense someone wanting to pass.
Women take forever at the checkout line. They continue to shop while paying. Men do not. They ignore item counts in the 15 item or less lane. Men count their items. Women pay with coupons and they argue over the validity of overdue coupons. Men never use coupons. Women always pay with exact change. They wait for the final total, pocketbook in hand but will not reach for money until they know the final bill. Then and only then will they take out their wallet, and carefully search for the bills and change that will either cover the cost exactly, or result in the least number of coins returned as change, they then take forever putting the change away, carefully snapping and zipping their pocketbook paraphernalia. Men are ready with one large bill and just cram whatever change results in their pocket. All of these woman shopping traits take time. Other woman do not mind, it is accepted practice. It drives men crazy.
The solution to this clash in shopping habits is simple. Men don’t need much time to grocery shop. We know what we want, we grab the first item we see and put it in the cart without regard for brand or price. We don’t block isles and we never dawdle at the checkout line. We can easily do our shopping for the week in an hour. Just give us one hour a week.
I suggest Tuesday night, when there is no football, from 9:00 to 10:00 be reserved for men only. Women will not be allowed in the supermarket during this one hour every week. Men can get it all done in an hour and men and women would never again have to endure the clash in their shopping styles again.
That’s it, that is the idea. It may be sexist, but come on; just give us one stinking hour!
The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.