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Thursday, March 17, 2016

OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!


OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!
Just when I think I have Mrs. Cranky all figured out, she proves me wrong. 

I know not to throw away water that she leaves in a glass covered by a paper towel so nothing drifts into it.

I am aware that any desert covered by a towel is off limits.

I will not turn out the porch light until after 11:00 pm, just in case someone has a car problem and needs help.  Apparently we are not responsible for strangers with car problems after 11:00 pm.  (No, I don’t get it either, but I know when to follow rules.)

I was recently chastised for using an SOS pad with water.  I learned that using water will cause the SOS pad to rust.  I have no idea how to scrub a pan without water, and have no idea why they fill the SOS pad with soap because if you do not wet the pad, the soap is dry and useless.  I will just not use an SOS pad.  Instead I scrub like hell with a sponge.  It tears the crap out of the sponge, but the SOS pad will not rust and they last for about twenty years if you don’t use them.

Last night, after dinner I was looking for a treat with my nightly cup of coffee.  I found an unopened package of Stella D'oro cookies on a top shelf in the pantry.  They looked good so I took two and left the package on the counter.

When Mrs. C came home from work, before I could even greet her, she screamed, “Oh No You Didn’t!!”

My first thought was “This could not be good.”  I knew I didn’t throw anything away, or eat anything that was covered by a towel or wet an SOS pad.  I was clueless, but knew I did something wrong.  I responded like any husband who knew he did something wrong but had no idea what that something was.

“WHAT?”

“You opened the Stella D'oro cookies?”

“Yes, why?”

“I was hiding them!”

“They weren’t under a towel.”

“They were high on a shelf where you never look.”

“Well apparently I do.”

“But they’ve been there for years and you never touched them.”

“I wanted a cookie…wait…YEARS!”

“Yes.”

“When is the use by date?”

I waited for a minute.

“Last month!”

“So you’re upset with me because I ate a cookie that is past expiration?  When were you planning on eating them, and why am I not allowed to eat a cookie, aren’t they community property?”

“I was saving them for a special occasion.”

“What occasion, the ceremonial tossing of the expired cookies?”

“You’re a JERK!”

“You know they still sell those cookies at the supermarket, it’s not like we have to go on EBay and pay a fortune.”

“You’re a double JERK!”

“From now on, don’t try and hide stuff, just put a sticky note on anything you don’t want me to touch.”

So now I know; I have to ask permission before I open a package of cookies.

Just to yank her chain, I am going to soak an SOS pad in water.

18 comments:

  1. towel covered desert? that's a pretty big towel!
    I think she's being a bit too precious with the SOS pads, they're supposed to be used with water. If they're too grotty after one use, they get disposed of, if not I keep mine in a tiny glass bowl for a second use. I buy the mini size.

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  2. "The SOS pad will not rust and they last for about twenty years if you don’t use them." OK, that's a pretty funny line. You should keep writing these posts...

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    Replies
    1. I don't know if they still do, but the SOS people used to claim that that they (the pads, not the people) won't rust as long as there's soap in the pad!!

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  3. i'd hide her loufah sponge and put the sos pad in its place...

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  4. I'm a bit stumped, normally I'm in agreement with Mrs C but those pads HAVE to be wet to work ... I don't use them myself because, like wet cotton wool and the foam under the ironing board cover, they make my teeth itch so i just buy non stick pans instead.

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  5. Absolutely HILARIOUS! I love these happy matrimonial tales.

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  6. Some day Mrs. Cranky will retire, and then you'll be in real trouble.

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  7. I'd put the whole box of SOS pads in water. Then eat the rest of the cookies, toss her water out, find the dessert covered with a towel and eat the whole thing, and turn out the porch light at nine. That will mix things up.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  8. I had no idea about the SOS pads, but I have been known to hide cookies, chocolate, cashews, etc.

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  9. SOS pads don't work unless you dampen them, so I don't know why your Mrs. C. tears you a new one over this. As for eating anything in our house, my Mrs. C. knows better than to tell me there's something in the house I CAN'T eat. She often tells me there are things in the house I SHOULDN'T eat but that's a different story.

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  10. You are supposed to cut the SOS pad into smaller blocks, which sharpens your scissors, by the way, and wet only the pan a little with water before using that small bit of pad. Don't ask.

    My suggestion that you buy all your own desserts, and she buys hers, and each of you keep them in separate places, still stands.

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  11. Mrs. C really has an unusual play book for you to follow. Perhaps she has found that keeping you off balance and on your toes is a good thing. I agree with Joanne. When she retires--look out.

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  12. Ha ha. This is pretty funny. The hiding spot didn't seem to be a good one.

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  13. If a snack is that hard to find, IT ISN'T MEANT FOR YOU! You guys have difficulty picking up subtle clues like that.

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  14. I have to agree with you...cookies are community property!

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  15. Well, since my husband is nice enough to scrub grungy pans - like you are - I don't care what he uses to get the job done! But I do agree with Mrs. C on asking permission to get into anything that's been hidden - expired or not!

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  16. If I'm going to hide anything to save for myself, I hide it where I know hubby won't find it, by my work area, etc. If it is within site of common area, it really isn't hidden in my opinion.

    betty

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  17. It's a mystery dude. There are no manual either. Hey, maybe you and I should write a manual. I'd bet it would be a hit.

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