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Sunday, February 21, 2016

STUPID HEADLINES 022116


STUPID HEADLINES 022116
Imagine that!
It is time again for

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY


 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  


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Two people walking across Golden Gate Bridge hit by blow darts – President Obama calls for stricter blow dart control.

Lovelorn elephant takes out his rage on more than a dozen cars – The report doesn’t say where this happened but I think it was Tuscaloosa.*


Tom Brady boasts that he is not one of the best QBs ever – Finally something I have in common with Tom Brady.


Army's runaway blimp flew for hours due to missing batteries – Blimp is part of a 2.8 billion dollar program.  I think they should have made the program for 2.8 billion 2 dollars 75 cents and put some batteries in the dang thing.


Teen hands out 900 flowers to girls at school – After school the boys all beat the crap out of him.**


Australia police seize $900M worth of meth hidden in bra inserts – Ta ta, you be busted, both of you going to the holding pen, cell block DD.

What caused this weird crack to appear in Michigan? – Plumbers convention?

If you're obese, distances actually look further – It’s about a mile down the road, but with the Fat Distance Factor it feels like a mile and a half.

Lawmaker's bill would require men to get wife's permission for Viagra – I just sold all my stock in Pfizer.  I was going to take a short position, but I need my wife’s permission.

Gastric reflux drugs may be tied to dementia risk – Two words…BAKING SODA!!


Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire – There was no meth-aide for his flatulence.


Drunk Monkey Attacks Bar Patrons with Knife – This is why I never visit establishments that do not have a two drink monkey limit.


Palestinian leader gives wife-beating tips on Gaza TV – So as to not insult the “Religion of Peace” and have a fatwa issued on me, I have no comment.

Mailman says turkeys trapped him in his truck - “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” It don’t say nothing about no TURKEYS!
*That was for Hilary
**I have no idea why I find that funny.

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Come back next week for more:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

12 comments:

  1. Bwahahahahahahaha. I love the headlines, but I love your comments more.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  2. All of those headlines are so dumb they must be true.

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  3. It's reassuring to know there is a proper way to beat your wife!!

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  4. I laughed the most at the boys beating the crap out of the flower-giver. He's sucking up to all the girls and making the other boys look bad. What better reason to beat the crap out of him! (either that...or they were angry that they weren't given a flower...but I think it's the first reason)

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  5. Heh, heh! The blimp program worth 2.8 billion 2 dollars 75 cents, and the Fat Distance Factor!

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  6. Don't you be making jokes about the Fat Distance Factor. That's a real thing. When I do a 5K, it seems like 7K to me!

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  7. There must be a special place in hell if you die from lighting your farts.

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  8. Fat jokes will always be funny. :)

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  9. So maybe all those Palestinian women in danger of domestic violence could get them a herd of those knife wielding monkeys for backup. I'd love to see the look on that Palestinian guys face when her drunk monkey slices and dices him. ;)

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  10. I'm sorry. . . lighting farts in a meth lab. . . I mean, what guy hasn't lit a fart or two in his life? . . . but you'd have to be a real moron to it in a meth lab. Or was it a meth(ane) lab?

    An' lissen. . . I've lived in Michigan almost my whole life, an' I've never seen no weird cracks. . .

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  11. Yep, the elephant thang was in Tuscaloosa. It was a stampede. Also, I think it's wise not to comment on the wife beating tips :)

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