STUPID HEADLINES 022116
It is time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.
______________________________Two people walking across Golden Gate Bridge hit by blow darts – President Obama calls for stricter blow dart control.
Lovelorn elephant takes out his rage on more than a dozen cars – The report doesn’t say where this happened but I think it was Tuscaloosa.*
Tom Brady boasts that he is not one of the best QBs ever – Finally something I have in common with Tom Brady.
Army's runaway blimp flew for hours due to missing batteries – Blimp is part of a 2.8 billion dollar program. I think they should have made the program for 2.8 billion 2 dollars 75 cents and put some batteries in the dang thing.
Teen hands out 900 flowers to girls at school – After school the boys all beat the crap out of him.**
Australia police seize $900M worth of meth hidden in bra inserts – Ta ta, you be busted, both of you going to the holding pen, cell block DD.
What caused this weird crack to appear in Michigan? – Plumbers convention?
If you're obese, distances actually look further – It’s about a mile down the road, but with the Fat Distance Factor it feels like a mile and a half.
Lawmaker's bill would require men to get wife's permission for Viagra – I just sold all my stock in Pfizer. I was going to take a short position, but I need my wife’s permission.
Gastric reflux drugs may be tied to dementia risk – Two words…BAKING SODA!!
Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire – There was no meth-aide for his flatulence.
Drunk Monkey Attacks Bar Patrons with Knife – This is why I never visit establishments that do not have a two drink monkey limit.
Palestinian leader gives wife-beating tips on Gaza TV – So as to not insult the “Religion of Peace” and have a fatwa issued on me, I have no comment.
Mailman says turkeys trapped him in his truck - “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” It don’t say nothing about no TURKEYS!*That was for Hilary
**I have no idea why I find that funny.
Come back next week for more:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!