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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Bitch in Reserve


Bitch in Reserve

A cranky observation

Most men know that with their woman, there is no double jeopardy or statute of limitations for screw-ups.  If you got drunk and made a pass at her old college roommate, it will be brought up again and again as needed to win an argument or put you in your place.   If you crashed the car, you will relive that screw-up forever.  Yes men, for the big screw-ups there is no relief, they will be thrown back in your face again and again.

What many men do not understand relates to the little screw-ups.  Little screw-ups are not always mentioned by your wife.  There are little screw-ups you don't even know of.  There are little screw-ups you may think you got away with.  But, just as your readers know you just ended two sentences with a preposition, you will never slip a screw-up past your wife.  

Your wife knows you forgot to turn out a light; left the door unlocked or adjusted the seat in her car.  She may not tell you or complain right away, she will always keep a bitch in reserve.

Men, you will never win an argument, or make a point by complaining about any of your wife’s shortcomings, because she always has a comeback.  She always has a bitch in reserve.

I am on my third marriage, and it is only now that I have figured this out.  Today I made a comment to Mrs. C about her letting the unwashed Tupperware build up in the dirty Tupperware kitchen counter corner (Regular readers know that I am not allowed to touch the Tupperware.) She did not defend herself, she made no excuses she just immediately went into attack mode.

“Well do you know you left the hall light on last night when you went bowling?  I came home from work and was scared that someone was in the house; and by the way, you left the front door unlocked this afternoon…you were the last one in, you have to lock the door!”

Suddenly a light went off in my head.

“Wait a minute, when were you going to tell me about the light and the door?”

“Um…I was going to tell you.”

“When?”

“You know, like when the time was right.”

“And the time was right when I complained about the Tupperware?”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“You store these things up don’t you…you always have a bitch in reserve for just these situations.”

“Maybe.”

“What else do you have?  What other screw-ups of mine are you just holding in reserve in case I have a legitimate gripe about you?”

“Nothing.”

“Really.”

“Nothing, but if need be I’m sure I can think of something…JERK!

It has taken me over forty years of marriage to three different women to realize that a man can never put anything over on a woman, because they always have ammunition at the ready.  They will let you know about your screw-ups, but they always keep at least one bitch in reserve.

14 comments:

  1. Finally figured that out, did you, Joe?

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  2. I was blessed in my second marriage.
    GS didn't hold things in reserve.
    I heard about my screw-ups right away in a non-judgmental way.
    Also she never NEVER! dredged up old injuries, either.

    OTOH, my first spouse was expert at listing every single screw-up every time there was another.

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  3. I may bring down the wrath of many other women, but I don't do this. I've never done it. There didn't seem to be any point, since I probably made just as many mistakes as he did. The 'he' being both husbands, in turn.

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  4. Gosh Joe - You're a slow learner! SD is obviously perfect so he never screws up (according to SD anyway ...) but there was that time he left the bathroom light on - just walked away from it without a care in the world. I'm going to mention that someday you just watch me!

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  5. we are crafty and never forget. :)

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  6. Unless, of course, you are married to the person who never messes up anything!

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  7. I think we all have our quirks. It makes things interesting. I love your conversations with your wife. They are most entertaining.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  8. Now you know the weapon she has--a super memory she isn't afraid to use--you can adjust your future complaints--like letting them slide.

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  9. I'm inclined to state that you don't have to play by your wife's rules but since you're on your third arrange I won't.

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  10. Not me, Joeh - maybe that's why I' ve been married going on 50 years.

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  11. Oh, come on! It's a man's world, and this is our way to level the playing field.

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  12. Unwashed tupperware corner?
    I bet it would be to your advantage
    just to learn to forget it. LOL

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  13. Men have the "remember that one time when you didn't write down the check in the check register" line. Women have the bitch in reserve.

    Yin and yang. Even Steven. Comme ci comme ça.

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  14. Seems reversed here; when I bring up (rarely) something that hubby might not have done, I get a big list of things he remembers I hadn't done. I've learned to keep my mouth shut a lot. Sometimes the best gift we can give someone is the gift of silence :)

    betty

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