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Saturday, January 16, 2016

STUPID HEADLINES 011716


STUPID HEADLINES 011716

It is time again for
Wait...What?

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  


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Sex with Neanderthals may explain modern allergies – I don’t know about allergies, but I am repulsed by women with one eyebrow and a ridged forehead.

Virginia woman, 19, lifts burning truck to save her father's life – But first she asked, “How many weeks did you say I’m grounded?”


Volunteers will be used to cuddle, feed goats at Virginia farm – Sixty percent of the volunteers are named Habib.  The other forty percent volunteered to feed the goats.*

Students advised to stop chanting 'U-S-A, U-S-A' and 'air ball' – Now told to cheer, “You were very good, we just got lucky; even though we won, you weren’t all that yucky.”**

Barack Obama sells optimism to nervous nation – “Optimism, optimism, get your red hot optimism here!”

Possible pirate skeleton found under schoolyard – That is where Pirates learned the three Arrrgh’s. (I apologize for the obligatory pirate Arrrgh joke)

Lawsuit demands US remove 'In God We Trust' from money – Since I know some people worship at the altar of the almighty dollar, I think all money is unconstitutional.

Boozy 10K to offer runners wine instead of water – Do not expect any record times.

Farmer cut off his right hand in failed ploy for insurance money – He didn’t get any money, but he did spite his face.***

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SLEEP IN AN ACTIVE VOLCANO It’s not so bad, with a good breeze the wind chill factor can make it feel like 183.


Flying turkey ruffles feathers about 'emotional support' animals on planes – Too bad another passenger didn’t have an emotional support bobcat.

Jeb Bush releases 60-second TV ad attacking 'jerk' Donald Trump Trump answered back by calling Jeb “A big fat doody head!” Finally some intelligent debate.

*I apologize to all non-head chopping, little boy diddling, female abusing middle-easterners who we all know to be wonderful peace loving people.
**I must say the "USA USA" chant does get on my nerves a bit.
***That probably should be to spite his arm, but face just sounded funnier to me.

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Come back next week for more:



STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

10 comments:

  1. As God as my witness, I swear I didn't know turkeys can't fly.

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  2. Love the booze-fueled 10K. It reminds me of my plans for a miniature golf course wherein participants would be rewarded with a free mixed drink for every hole-in-one made. Bartenders/referees would be situated at strategic places on the course to verify and hand out drinks. I wanted to call it "Putt 'n Puke". I have thus far been unable to find any backers.

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  3. Week after week after week - HILARIOUS! (your follow up quips I mean!)

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  4. In my youth that 10K would have been a must do.

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  5. Boozy 10k? Maybe that's what it will take to get me to sign up for 10k...

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  6. That's a bumper crop of sophomoric comments this week!

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  7. I want to run/drink that 10K. That's my kind of race. Probably will take me about a week to finish, but what a week it will be.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. ☺

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I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

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