WHEN I BECOME FAMOUS
|This cranky re-run is from December 2012|
This holiday season I saw numerous products sold by famous people. What does Justin Bieber know about scents? What does Kim Kardashian know about fashion? Did these people go to fashion school; did they go to “Smelling-good” university? I think they only sell stuff because they are famous. It made me think, what will I sell in case I ever become famous? Here are my ideas:
OLD SPICEY DUDE – A cologne for cranky old men - A musty, dusty, smell with a hint of grandma’s parlor, old cigars and a touch of gas.
CRANKY TEE SHIRTS – A collection of loosely fitted sleeveless white tee shirts with cranky old man sayings in blurry print:
“Help, I’ve fallen and I forget which way is up!”
“I coulda kicked your ass 20 years ago!”
“If found, please return to a young rich lady with big hooters”
CRANKY BIG FOAM FINGER – Never mind the “we’re #1”; this large foam middle digit lets you flip the bird even with arthritic hands.
A COMB-OVER TOUPEE – For old geezers that want to look younger, but still fit in with their crowd.
CRANKY CRANKY OLD DUDE BOARD GAME - Choose your token piece; a walker, a pair of shoes with the laces tied together, or a Li’l Rascal scooter. Roll the die to see who can advance 20 squares and go from your bed to the TV in the den. Watch out for road blocks! “You hit a shag carpet, lose a turn” or “You crapped your drawers, go to the John, do not pass the handicapped ramp; do not collect your SS check."
These are just a few of my ideas to strike it rich. All I need is fame and an agent!