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Sunday, December 20, 2015

STUPID HEADLINES 122015


STUPID HEADLINES 122015
COME TO TEXAS - "We won't kill you if you didn't do it."
It is time again for

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY


 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  


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Drum kit Ringo Starr used in Beatles hits sells for $2.2M – Money well spent if it keeps RIngo off it.

Canada's Liberal government promises to legalize marijuana – Dude, pass the chips eh!

New study reveals eating burnt food may increase your chances of getting cancer – I knew it!  My first two wives were trying to kill me.

Does the Elf on a shelf contribute to the surveillance state? I thought this story was going to be a goof, but no, it is an actual concern and there was a real study.  What a great country that this is what we have to worry about.

Irish county hopes free lollipops will stop drunken brawls, accidents – I think this will only increase sucker punches! (That’s for you Hilary.)

FAA announces drone registration rules as report highlights soaring dangers – Yes!! Thank you http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2014/11/drone-as-in-moan_22.html

Bill Cosby sues 7 of his accusers – Apparently he has no case against the other 756 accusers.

Exceptional deep-sea find: ship that once held ancient condiment – If they are that old, I wouldn’t trust them. 

What? Oh you mean like ketchup? Never mind.

Woman is wounded in stabbing at a Florida nudist resort – I only hope it wasn’t a concealed weapon.  (Think about it.)

Naked Man Allegedly Tries To Carjack A FedEx Truck, But That's Not The Funny Part – The dude didn’t know how to drive the truck!  He was arrested because he fit the description NAKED!!

Muslim judge sworn in on Koran in New York – I cannot figure out why this is news.  What else would you use to swear in a Muslim?

Tiny kitten rescued from conveyor belt at California recycling plant – One down, eight to go.

Ivy leaguers sign 'petition' to repeal First Amendment – If this petition gets its way, all the signers can be arrested for taking part in the new illegal act of petitioning.

Putin praises Trump as an 'outstanding, talented' man – Another valuable endorsement.  This should balance off criticism from Michael Moore.

Saudi millionaire who said he 'fell' on teen and 'accidentally penetrated' her cleared of rape – Ahh, the old accidental penetration defense, works every time…if you’re a millionaire in Saudi Arabia!


Isis -- the pharma company -- changes its name – Company is changing its name to “Famous Hitler’s Drugs and Shit.”


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 Come back next week for more:



 STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

8 comments:

  1. "Woman is wounded in stabbing at a Florida nudist resort"...ouch!

    You know how to tell a blind guy at a nudist colony? He's the one walking around with a limp. ;)

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  2. Ha!
    Though, I trust the kitten doesn't use up it's other 8 lives for a long, long time.

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  3. Now, thanks to you, I'll be imagining that concealed weapon all day.

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  4. "Famous Hitler's Drugs and Shit" made me literally snort coffee. As for the Ivy Leaguers who want to abolish the First Amendment... well, I could say something rude, but why bother? I mean, I know I'm able to, because of the First Amendment, but I'll save it for when I actually meet one face-to-face.

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  5. Only if guilty? Dang, take all the fun out of it :)

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  6. Heh, heh. That condiment comment was for my 13-year-old self. I'm sure.

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  7. I won't be able to get that concealed weapon thing out of my head for a while now...

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