STUPID HEADLINES 110815
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. As in previous weeks, there is no fake headline contest!
Former congressional candidate sent death threats to herself – She got an order of protection against herself, but it was impossible to enforce.
Woman banned from boarding flight for ‘inappropriate’ short skirt – So she was allowed in the airport, but not on the plane?
Woman stripped, poured ketchup on herself at restaurant – I’ll have what he’s having.
Passing 4th grade biology isn’t easy for a supercomputer – At least that ends the problem of kids sneaking supercomputers into class.
Woman suffers severe hand injury after breaking into zoo, trying to pet tiger – Just a simple rule of thumb, if it is behind bars, do not attempt to pet.
Big-rig crash spills thousands of frozen chickens, blocks westbound I-580 – Crash blamed on heavy rain; so, foul weather determines whether fouls face fryer or foul freeway.
Derek Jeter: Former New York Yankees Shortstop Confirms Engagement in Post About His Dog – I am clearly not an expert, but it seems to me that Derek is off to a bad start…never use fiancé and dog in the same sentence.
Playful cow asks for hugs from humans – Well they do get horny.
Florida eighth-grader reportedly given detention for hugging her friends- Maybe she needs to make friends with the cow. (Why Pixel Why?)
Prisoner injured after injecting penis with petroleum jelly – Wrong Penal system.
Muslim truckers who refused to deliver alcohol awarded $240,000 – I would be willing to not deliver alcohol for half that.
School suspends first-grader over imaginary bow and arrow – I am willing to bet the ranch (if I had a ranch) that his name is not Mohammed.
Man in Florida answers the door, finds gator on doorstep – “Who is it?” “Telegram.” “Who?” “Candy-gram.” “Wha?” “Land Gator!” SNL was ahead of its time.
No, Hot Dogs Do Not Contain Human Meat – Good to know, but I’d be concerned about Frank’s footers.
Eighth graders asked to write about booze, herpes and one-night stands – Well they do say the first rule of writing is to write about what you know.
Come back next week for more:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!
Where there is no fake headline contest