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Saturday, November 7, 2015

STUPID HEADLINES 110815


STUPID HEADLINES 110815

It is time again for
Who cares!
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  As in previous weeks, there is no fake headline contest!

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Former congressional candidate sent death threats to herself – She got an order of protection against herself, but it was impossible to enforce.

Woman banned from boarding flight for ‘inappropriate’ short skirt – So she was allowed in the airport, but not on the plane?


Woman stripped, poured ketchup on herself at restaurant – I’ll have what he’s having.

Passing 4th grade biology isn’t easy for a supercomputer – At least that ends the problem of kids sneaking supercomputers into class.

Woman suffers severe hand injury after breaking into zoo, trying to pet tiger – Just a simple rule of thumb, if it is behind bars,  do not attempt to pet.

Big-rig crash spills thousands of frozen chickens, blocks westbound I-580 – Crash blamed on heavy rain; so, foul weather determines whether fouls face fryer or foul freeway.

Derek Jeter: Former New York Yankees Shortstop Confirms Engagement in Post About His Dog – I am clearly not an expert, but it seems to me that Derek is off to a bad start…never use fiancé and dog in the same sentence.

Playful cow asks for hugs from humans – Well they do get horny.  

Florida eighth-grader reportedly given detention for hugging her friends- Maybe she needs to make friends with the cow. (Why Pixel Why?)

Prisoner injured after injecting penis with petroleum jelly – Wrong Penal system.

Muslim truckers who refused to deliver alcohol awarded $240,000 – I would be willing to not deliver alcohol for half that.

School suspends first-grader over imaginary bow and arrow – I am willing to bet the ranch (if I had a ranch) that his name is not Mohammed. 

Man in Florida answers the door, finds gator on doorstep – “Who is it?”Telegram.“Who?”Candy-gram.” “Wha?“Land Gator!”  SNL was ahead of its time.

No, Hot Dogs Do Not Contain Human Meat – Good to know, but I’d be concerned about Frank’s footers.

Eighth graders asked to write about booze, herpes and one-night stands – Well they do say the first rule of writing is to write about what you know.

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Come back next week for more:





 STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!



Where there is no fake headline contest

13 comments:

  1. It is AMAZING that none of these are fake!!

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  2. "Woman banned from boarding flight for ‘inappropriate’ short skirt – So she was allowed in the airport, but not on the plane?"

    I recently saw a sign at the airport security check-in area that said "No (then symbols of a gun, a knife, and a bomb) past this point." So does that mean it is OK to have bombs UP TO that point? Oh, I feel much better now. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bwahahahahahahahaha. The headlines are funny, but you really spice them up nicely.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  4. In the eighth grade I had no clue, other than night stands were next to the bed, where a reading lamp and the alarm clock was.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your comments crack me up.. but I was sure that while reading about the chicken spill that you would have said it was an example of.. poultry in motion.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Once again you leave me shaking my head. I wish I could say "in disbelief" but sadly I have to believe.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's that must have been one short skirt.
    R

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am clearly not an expert, but it seems to me that one should never use the phrase "injecting penis with" in a sentence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One should especially never cause the words 'injecting penis with' to be written about oneself. . .

      And now I'm imagining a guy sitting in his cell, bored, when suddenly the thought occurs to him - "I know! I'll shoot Vaseline into my penis! That'd be fun!"

      Delete
  9. Two coming out of Florida...shaking my head. The gator story happened just a few towns over from me.

    If I ever find a gator at my doorstep, you better believe there will be a picture of it on my blog!

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  10. Well maybe the kid was going to shoot his imaginary friend with the imaginary bow & arrow. The school just saved an imaginary life. Was it imaginary detention?
    I think I need a hug from that cow

    ReplyDelete

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