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Tuesday, September 15, 2015

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW SO YOU WON’T DIE…news at eleven


WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW SO YOU WON’T DIE…news at eleven


Well the news did it again, scared the crap outta me with a warning about something I really can’t do much about.  They do this every night.

Coffee is bad for you, apples have a chemical that will give you cancer, hackers are watching you from your own computer, hot tubs will give you venereal disease, what you need to know about bubble gum, escalators a death trap? News at eleven.

Every night there is something new, something that might ruin my life;  And the next night they tell you why coffee protects against cancer, an apple a day really will keep the doctor away, Skype can save your marriage, relaxing in a hot tub will lower your blood pressure, bubble gum will clean your teeth, and escalators are…well they are still a death trap.

Tonight they got me worried about credit cards.  Apparently people can walk up to you with some new electronics and steal all your credit card information just by passing something over your butt, they also warn you do not give your credit card to anyone even for a minute.  Identity theft is rampant and will ruin your life.

Fine, thank you very much eleven o’clock news, but what am I to do?  Do I carry my card in a steel wallet so that the electronic devise won’t work?  When at a restaurant do I follow the waitress up to the cashier when I give her my card? Do I pay for everything in cash?

The eleven o’clock news tells you to never give anyone your social security number or financial information, but try that when you go to the doctor, or the DMV, or when you apply for anything, or buy anything on-line. 

Now I also find out that people can use computers and remotely control my car!

I have decided to only drink coffee on days that it is supposed to be good for you, wash the crap out of my apples, put a piece of tape over the camera on my computer, stay out of hot tubs unless my blood pressure is high and then wear a condom, only chew bubble gum on odd number days, use the stairs, only carry cash, stay off the internet and sell my car.

Or

Stop watching the eleven o’clock news.

What you need to know about reading blogs…news at eleven.

19 comments:

  1. Screw it all! Just do what you want and don't worry about it. You're gonna die anyway.

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  2. There are wallets available with a special lining that prevents readers from accessing your details. Some sort of flexible silver coloured metal, maybe aluminium, or aluminum as you Americans say. Those detail stealers really do exist. Someone will walk past you slowly with what looks like a small flat phone in their hand and it will be skimming your pocket and reading your card. Or they'll stand a little too close while you use an ATM; they're very inventive these identity thieves.

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  3. Scary stuff, Id stop watching the news if I were you. Oh, and I only go UP escalators, I'm always convinced I'm going to fall and die (or be sucked into the edges) if I go down them ...

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  4. I must admit I'm scared to go down on the escalator. I think I'll start using the lift.... until someone tells me they're not safe either.

    At least you made me laugh, that's an achievement.

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  5. Well, none of that is really new news. I find that 11 o'clock is recycled news meant to freak people out. Guess it works?

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  6. One study seems to contradict itself within a few months. Go with moderation in everything and one does fine I think in life.

    Thankfully we have the 10 o'clock news here; can never quite make it to 11 o'clock, which might be a good thing to avoid the news altogether.

    betty

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  7. Hi Joeh,

    If it's not the news its the newspapers. Look up the Daily Mail in the UK, the worst offender in this area.

    I've given up listening to these people.

    :o)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stop watching the news. I quit long ago. It's all gloom and doom anymore.

    And what does the government want on your check to the IRS? Your social security numbers. Wonder how many folks see that check.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  9. I had a cashier warn me that someone could zap my credit card from above, and I should put it away. I listened.

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  10. Sorry but I am laughing at your solutions and cracked up at the condom in the hot tub.
    We really are vulnerable sorts these days thanks to technology and those demon foot eating escalators. Thank goodness I can't stay awake till 11.

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  11. It seems that everything can cause problems. I tend to avoid the news because it's all so negative.

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  12. Listen to the one minute news summary that only touches a few headlines, and go about your normal business. It does help.

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  13. I get most of my news from the Internets. You KNOW you can trust them to be honest and trustworthy.

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  14. Escalators? There's something wrong with escalators?

    Now I'm leaving here with a new phobia.

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  15. I can't help you with everything, but you could put a condom around your credit cards to avoid skimming. And if you soak your apples in coffee before eating...

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  16. My husband says the satellite dish box under the TV has a light that comes on at 3 a.m. and he swears it's watching him. Story at 11.
    Thanks, Joe, for giving me more to worry about!

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  17. I spewed coffee out my nose when I read the last part of this post.
    What a scream!
    R

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  18. Agent 54 will have an Exclusive report on the "Secret Democrat Debate" later this month.

    ReplyDelete

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