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Monday, March 9, 2015

THE BATHROOM SCALE - a cranky re-run

THE BATHROOM SCALE
This re-run is from March 2012
The last time I went to the doctor I was surprised to find I had gained 15 pounds in just a few months.  I generally gain a few pounds in the winter, it is a genetic survival thing.  The extra weight in the winter protects me from extreme cold, and in case I get stranded in a blizzard I can live off my stored fat for days.


I generally gain about five pounds in preparation for potential winter related emergencies.  Gaining 15 pounds has me concerned.  Surviving a stranding in a blizzard is great, but popping a blood vessel because of approaching obesity is not a reasonable trade off.


My increase in weight should not have surprised me. Normally putting on clothes that no longer fit is a red flag that you are gaining weight.  In my new occupation, doing nothing, I do not wear different clothes that often.  I have three pairs of comfort pants which, as they are worn often, tend to stretch with my increased girth.  The visit to the doctor’s scale was an eye opener.


I have since been trying to watch what I eat, and I think I have lost a few pounds.  To confirm this I could either try on a pair of pants that I haven’t worn for months, or test myself on our bathroom scale.


This is a scale that I did not know existed.  I found it pushed under a cabinet.  It was just what I needed to keep a check on my poundage.  I stepped on the scale and low and behold I have lost fifteen pounds since my visit to the doctor two weeks ago. 


Astounding!


It was astounding until I leaned on the scale a little to the left.  Oops!  I have gained 15 pounds from my doctor visit.  I leaned to the right and I was now 30 pounds less than when I was weighed at the doctor’s.  I found that with minor weight shifts on this scale I could vary my condition from morbidly obese to border-line anorexia.


I told Mrs. Cranky I was going to make an executive decision and buy a bathroom scale that actually works.


“What’s wrong with that scale?”


“Are you kidding?  It is only accurate to within 100 pounds!”


“Not if you know where to stand on it.  I just shift my weight until it stops where I want it.”


Mrs. Cranky is a smart lady.  She knows every popular song for the last 60 years and can tell you who sang it.  She can recite verbatim from about 50 different movies, is a PC trouble shooting master, and has a wealth of knowledge on a variety of topics. 
Somehow the logic train never stopped at her station.


I’m going to buy a new scale.     

20 comments:

  1. Bwahahahahahahahaha. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard your wife say. Don't tell her I said that. She's always logical about things, but way off the mark here. I laughed out loud.

    Have a fabulous day and buy that new scale. :)

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  2. I once bought one of those bathroom scales that talks, telling you your weight. When I stood on it, it shouted, "One at a time!"

    It's an old joke, but it still makes me laugh.

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  3. Did you hit a Gypsy with your car on the way to the doctor's office? If so, save your scale money.

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  4. Heeheehee! My scale is 1 1/2 lb. off, so i just add that much when i get on it.

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  5. I went to the doc last week, and they weighed me twice. Once on a bathroom scale, and once on a doctor scale. Eight pounds difference. I requested the doc scale, since that's what they usually use.

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  6. I have found, in my campaign to lose weight, that scales are arbitrary, vicious, nasty devices.

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  7. I have a digital scale and I check the weight twice to make sure it's right. I tend to like the lower number...

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  8. Actually I love her logic with the scale; I've been known to do the same thing myself. Now we don't even have a scale which I think is a good thing myself.

    betty

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  9. Hah! I love her logic, but I'd want a new scale, too.

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  10. Yep, it is time for a new scale. However, now that I know there could be some variation in the weights by shifting, I can't wait to try it tomorrow. I sure would explain a lot of my wild swings.

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  11. If you eat as many fresh fruits and vegetables as you can your weight will get better in time, not fast, but for sure.

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  12. When you buy a new scale, please do not ditch your old one. Send it to me, with instructions for how I need to lean or shift to reach an acceptable weight. Thank you.

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  13. I have a feeling this whole scale thing is going to end in you being called "Jerk!" Don't throw away that old one. Shove it back where you found it.

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  14. My scale lives under my bed and after its last performance it can stay there forever. I was careful with what I ate for a whole month, no ice cream, no desserts, only one coffee a day, small dinner portions etc I got on the scale and found I had gained 3kg. (*~*)

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  15. Word of warning - buy the new one if you must but on NO account throw out Mrs C's - if you do you'll soon find out why you shouldn't have ...

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  16. No, no....don't listen to Sarah. Throw it out. I want it. ;)

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  17. I hide my scale under the bed. The waistband of my jeans tells the story better.

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  18. Do yourself a favor. Keep the scale you have. Mrs. C deserves her moment of glory when she stands on it and sees the numbers she wants to see.

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