This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Saturday, May 31, 2014



A cranky opinion for


The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little or no knowledge about the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome.  The absence of a cranky response to opposing opinions does not signify agreement.  And please, no name calling.  That means you, you big stupid head!

There was a time, oh yes there was I remember it, when you could voice an opinion on a subject and not be put in a box.  There was a time when you could think raising taxes (or vise versa) was a good idea and your position on any other issue would not be automatically assumed.

There was a time teachers and professors taught both sides of an issue.  When I went to college, the professors often took the opposing side of any debate a student brought up.  You never knew if a professor was conservative or liberal, you only knew he was on the other side of your position. 

Professors used to teach you how to think, not what to think.  I am not sure this is true today.

I also learned that no matter what position I took the professors could make me look like a fool.  This did not always change my opinions, it did teach me to not trust the ideas and opinions of people just because they were smarter than me (I? I never know, I think it is smarter than I but smarter than me sounds better to I.)

People do not discuss issues today; they espouse their opinions and then get pissed off at the other guy for not agreeing.  Neither party actually listens to the other person; they just wait to jump in with their tired old talking points.

If you want to put me in a box; I am fiscally conservative and socially liberal on most issues, well on a lot of issues anyway. 

I have learned that liberals are not all goody, goody two shoe commie pinko creeps.   Some liberal ideas are worth considering.  Some may be good ideas, some probably suck.  Liberals are not the enemy; they are simply people with different ideas.

Conversely, conservatives are not all Neanderthal, rich pricks that only want to keep their very expensive boots on the necks of the down trodden.  Some conservative ideas are good ideas, some probably suck.  Conservatives are not the enemy; they are simply people with different ideas.

I wish we all could just open our minds and start to think, maybe we could learn to adopt the good ideas and drop the ideas that suck.

As kids, my generation knew how to change rules and adjust to changing conditions.  Baseball did not have to have nine players on a team, we adjusted to how many kids showed up at the park.  If there were sixteen players, then right field became a foul ball.  Sometimes you just rotated players from the field to at bat.  We made up rules and adjusted however we had to so we could play the game.  We listened to the other kids and came up with a way to play.

Our politicians today do not know how to change rules (or ideas) and adjust.  They are like the kid who owned the only bat and would take it home if he didn’t get it his way.

I think our country would be a lot better off if people started to listen, think and consider other ideas.  Maybe we could even learn to compromise. 

Politics today is too much about owning the only bat.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

Friday, May 30, 2014



People often ask, “Cranky is there anything that makes you smile?”

Stupid question, of course there is a lot that makes me smile, here are a few that come to mind along with a comedy movie list just to create a little controversy.

These things make me smile:
A Prius at the gas pump

Whistler Ducks

A pro golfer mishitting the ball

The Patriots losing to the Giants

Cleavage that jiggles

Chris Rock



Melissa McCarthy

Blog comments

Labrador puppies

Mrs. Cranky

Ten funniest movies ever (In no particular order):


My Cousin Vinnie

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

The Jerk

Arthur (Dudley Moore)


The Nutty Professor (Jerry Lewis)

Trading Places

Young Frankenstein


I know, a lot of you are asking:

“How could you leave out ‘Airplane’ or any of the ‘Police Academy’ movies?” I could never watch those movies all the way through from beginning to end…very funny stuff but only in small doses.

Except for the campfire scene, I just am not a fan of "Blazing Saddles." And for you "Animal House" fans, I watched it recently... Meh!


Thursday, May 29, 2014


For several years now I have had an infection problem with a tooth.  Antibiotics would resolve the issue for a year or so, but then the problem would come back.  Monday I had the problem resolved permanently.


The process took about twenty-five minutes.  Fifteen minutes was waiting for the Novocain to work its magic.  It was a fairly painless procedure.  The worst part was taking the Novocain needle, and then listening to the crackle crunch of tooth/bone.  When it was all over I was given some instructions, some gauze, and a prescription for Tylenol 3 for pain relief.

This Friday Mrs. Cranky went to the same doctor with the same problem for the same resolution.


The process also took about twenty-five minutes.  When done Mrs. C felt fine, good enough to drive home.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad, even the Novocain needle didn’t hurt.”

“Yeah, I didn’t like the shot, or the crackle/crunch of tooth and bone, but otherwise it wasn’t so bad.

“When it was all done, he told me I was a good patient.  Did he tell you the same?”

“No! What the hell did you do that made you a good patient?  I was a good patient.  I didn’t kick or scream; I was a good patient.”

“I’m sure you were; I wouldn’t let it bother you.  I’m just a better patient than you are.”

“Oh bull.  How are you a better patient?  He was just probably in a good mood, being Friday and all.  I got him at the beginning of the week, you got him on Friday.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it. 

Oh, I have to stop at CVS to fill the prescription.”

“You won’t need it, the pain wasn’t that bad, and you have that high threshold thing.  I never even filled my prescription.”

“What was your prescription for?”

“Tylenol 3, so you know the pain shouldn’t be that bad.”

“Oh…Tylenol 3…I think I’ll get mine filled, you know…just in case.”

“We have Tylenol at home.  If you need it you can just take a little extra of the over-the-counter stuff.”

“No, I’m going to get this filled.”

“Why?  What did he prescribe?”


“Vicodin!  That’s the good stuff.  I only got Tylenol 3!”

“Well, I am the good patient.”

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


Lots of things involving little kids rub me the wrong way.  When Spencer was but a wee lad, way up on the list of things that were the tin foil on my fillings were “crap toys.”

You know the stuff I mean, we used to get them with Cracker Jacks.  Crappy little toys, plastic rings, dumb puzzles, anything with holes and a BB.  Crap toys are toys that get kids all pumped up because they are “free.”  They chaffed my backside because they always broke about two minutes after they came out of the wrapper;  free shit that only served to make a small child miserable because it broke before he even had a chance to play with it.

They still have crap toys in Cracker Jacks, but the biggest purveyor of crap toys is McDonalds.  Those damn “Happy Meals” always came with a crap toy, and my youngest always wanted the toy more than the burger.  And you had to put them together.   It was bad enough that the kid got all excited over a piece of plastic shit that you knew was going to break and leave you with a whiney kid, but you had to follow directions to put the crap together. 

Directions for a CRAP TOY!

It only took me a few Happy Meals with Spencer before I put the kibosh on all crap toys.

“Ooh Dad, can I get the plastic Sponge Bob with movable arms and legs with my meal?”

“No!  I’m not assembling a frapping crap toy that is only going to break and leave you miserable.  Don’t even think about it.”

“But Dad…”

“No!  No crap toys!!”

It took a few daddy tantrums to stem the Mickey Dee crap toy requests, and then came the Birthday Party goody bag.

Why kids today have to bring home a goody bag from a birthday party I’ll never know, but if they don’t get one, they are inconsolable.  What is inside a goody bag?  Crap toys!  The typical bag has a pencil with a Power Ranger eraser, a BB puzzle, a plastic spider ring and really bad candy. 

I threw several daddy tantrums over these goody bags.

“What the heck are you going to do with that junk?  You know the puzzle is going to break, you have a thousand pencils, the ring is a choking hazard and the candy is just sugar.  The whole bag is full of CRAP TOYS!!  Don’t even open it!”

I may have developed a nasty reputation over this stuff.  I realized this one day when coming home from a birthday party where I car pooled one of Spencer’s friends.  The two of them were sitting in the back seat and I heard his friend whisper,

“Hey Spence, can I have your Crap Toys?”  

Tuesday, May 27, 2014


This cranky Monday re-run is from May 2012
I know...another re-run, but yesterday was a holiday, so...
Sharks can smell a drop of blood from a mile away.  Dogs can hear sounds that humans cannot.  Many animals can see at night as if it were day.  Bats can’t see at all yet they can navigate and catch insects with their built in radar.

Naturalists constantly point out these remarkable animal feats as if humans were inferior to these creatures.  True, we cannot compete with the rest of the animal world in terms of strength, speed, sense of taste, smell, sight and hearing, but some homo sapiens do have talents which other creatures could never master.

Is there any other creature on God’s green earth that could tie an apron behind their back while speaking on a cell phone tucked under their chin?  The Weaver bird is able to construct a complicated nest out of twigs and reeds.  Could a Weaver bird take two sticks and a ball of yarn and make a sweater while watching “Toddlers in Tiaras?”

Last Saturday on a bus I witnessed a skill which I have seen before, but for the first time realized how remarkable this ability, common to many female Homo sapiens really was.  As I watched, I could hear the voice of Oprah narrating from “Life” in my head.

“The fourteen year old female of the species is troubled by her hair which has grown beyond shoulder length.  It gets in her eyes and face and irritates her.  Without stopping her constant and incessant communication with a companion, she performs the most remarkable feat.  Taking her hands and without looking, she reaches behind her back and she separates her locks into three segments.  Incredibly, as our camera captures the action, she begins to weave the segments in and out into a locking pattern resulting in one long thick rope-like structure of hair which no longer bothers her eyes or face.  The female does all this in a matter of seconds.  This blind weaving skill is remarkable enough but to keep the weave from unfurling she takes a small elastic band and folds it back and around the end of the weave at a speed which only our time action camera can capture.  Other Homo sapiens ignore this young female’s action as apparently it is a skill not uncommon to the species.”

Is there another creature on this planet that can change the style of their plumes without looking while simultaneously communicating with another of the same species?

OK, maybe a peacock, or a turkey, or a chameleon, or….still it is a remarkable skill.            

Monday, May 26, 2014

A MEMORIAL DAY AT THE RACES - a cranky re-run

This cranky Monday re-run is from May 2011. 
This year we returned to the track for more of the same, Mrs. C lost $21 even after hitting a big longshot, "Shouldawouldacoulda" Watching "Sex and the City" finally pays off. 

It is Memorial Day Weekend and today Mrs. C myself and the step Cranks went to Monmouth Park Race track.  This is a tradition (last three years) and is always a good time. 
Mrs. C’s friend races horses and each year she reserves a section along the track rail and provides food and drink for a grand party.    

Thank you Jackie and Linda H.

Horse racing and betting is very exciting, but I must say it is mostly fun when you win.  Losing sucks. 

Picking a horse to bet on is a complicated process.  I generally analyze the odds, the horses performances over the last five races, the race distance, conditions, track – turf or dirt, times, weights, jockey, whether they are moving up or down in class and then taking all this information into consideration I pick a horse with a name that just stands out.

Using this strict set of racing criteria, I was unsuccessful in choosing a single winner, placer, or shower for the first five races.  This was not fun.

In order to have any fun at all, I started to screw with the track betting cashiers.  These people are deadly serious.  They deal with unhappy people a lot, and when they make a mistake superstitious gamblers are totally unforgiving.  They are perfect foils for the Cranky Old Loser.

“What is your bet sir?”

“Ah...I like the 2 horse in the 6th around the world please.”

“You know, around the world; win, place or dead last.”

“We don’t accept that bet sir.”

“Really…then let me have the 5 horse in the 7th to come up lame.”


“Ok, the 2 horse across the broad.”

“You mean across the board?”

“Ok that too.”

“For how much sir?”

“ $1.25…3 times.”

“Sir, the minimum bet is in increments of $2, $5, or $10!”

“OK, the 2 horse in the seventh to win for $5.”  He was reaching for a button to call security, it was time to quit messing around.

Before the day was done, I hit two races with the winner across the board and left with an actual profit of $2.00.  Mrs. C lost $2.00 overall.

The day was warm, the food was good, the races were exciting and we actually broke even on the betting (a first in this three year tradition.)

All in all it was a great day at the races.

Thank you to all the veterans who have sacrificed their time, their bodies and their lives so clowns like me have the freedom to enjoy such a beautiful day.  

Thank you also to the wives, husbands, children and the extended families of these brave citizens for the sacrifice they endure while their love ones risk their time and lives for our freedom.

Sunday, May 25, 2014



It is time once again for

Maybe he needs to find a different occupation
 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline is completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.


Merriam-Webster adds 150 new words – Crap! I’m already about 17,263 words behind.

Guess what people are tattooing now- If it is a word that turns into a sentence I don’t want to know!

Illinois spending $1,166 per bird to bring in prairie chickens – I don’t think even The Colonel could afford IFC.

Pennsylvania man tells police he broke into neighbor's home to borrow eggs to make breakfast – I hate it when they forget to knock.

Brain implant turned man into passionate Johnny Cash fan – The brain came from “Abby Normal.”

Driver cited after Del. highway crash results in millions of bees released – Truck was headed for a Campbell’s alphabet soup plant.

California Team Rescues Humpback Whale From a 300-Pound Crab Trap – A trap big enough to catch a 300 pound crab is bound to snag an occasional whale.

Robots will replace fast-food workers – The only technical glitch is teaching the robots to mumble.

Pablo Larrazabal's golf ball ended up in a pretty unusual spot – Where? Hint, before he hit it he yelled THREE!!

Diver fends off shark attack with flash camera – SMILE you son of a bitch!

Female math teacher allegedly had relationship with 14-year-old student – Well he didn’t go all the way, he only got to 3.14159 base.

85-Foot Luxury Yacht Sinks During Maiden Launch – Drain plugs…drain plugs…I always forget the daggone drain plugs!



Last week’s fake was:

1985 Yugo with only 100 miles on it found in Kansas barn – Who knew they could last 100 miles?

A lot of people figured out that a Yugo probably wouldn’t have made it for the 100 miles.

I'll take Yugo in the barn for 200, Alex.

Check out Uncle Skip @   Stories, jokes, wisdom and stuff.

I'll go with the 1985 Yugo with only 100 miles on it found in Kansas barn. Those were awful, and ugly little pieces of...well you know.

Find Sandee @    Jokes and more.  Enter her joke hop every Silly Sunday


I think it has to be the Yugo one also :-)

Start your day off with a great joke @


I'm calling fake on the Yugo in the Kansas barn. I don't think anybody in Kansas ever drove a Yugo.

I was torn between that and the Chinese-U.S. railway, because the name "chunnel" has already been taken. But I figure they could call it The Chailway. Japan has those high-speed mag-lev trains, so if that ocean can be overcome, it might be possible. Or it's propaganda.

Get acquainted with the Val Dictorian @   Always good stuff from this crazy lady…make that this lady’s crazy life…well, maybe both.  

I'm going for the Yugo in the barn. That's the fake.

How do you fool someone with 10 children…they know all the tricks in the book.  Who can blog with a clan this big…when she does it is entertaining @  

I'm with Val. Except the part about hiding such an embarrassing in the barn--forever--that part I believe. And I heard the story about the Chinese wanting to tunnel across the Bering Strait. At least they're smarter than all the Americans who want to go THROUGH the earth to dig to China.

An artist, a photographer, a nature lover all @


The Casey story was all over the place this week. I remember a find of cars in a barn, but I'd be surprised if there was a Yugo in it.

Add some testosterone to your blog list.  Short and sweet and good to read @


Visit all the winners and then come back next week for more


Saturday, May 24, 2014


Problems, We have Problems

A cranky opinion for:



The following is the opinion of a cranky old man.  Much of it is tongue in cheek and a bit sarcastic, don’t get all riled up the world is angry enough.  Opposing opinions are welcome, but they will probably be ignored.  And please, no name calling…that means you, you big stupid head!!


This cranky opinion is in no way meant to minimize the problems we suffer in today’s world.   It is an attempt to put things in perspective and show how far we have come.  It is to suggest we all catch our breath and enjoy what we have for at least a minute before going off  tilting at windmills.  Today’s windmills are molehills compared to the mountains of days gone by.

Ancient man sought three things; food, shelter and sex.  If he had those three things he was happy.  Those things were not easy to come by.  There was a lot of bad shit going down back in the day.

A common cold could become pneumonia and end any dreams our ancestors may have had.  Any infection was a death sentence before antibiotics.  A night at the pub could end up with a bashed head and a life as a sailor.  Being impressed was not that impressive.   

To those who had nothing, religion was all they had, but you worshiped the God you were told to worship.  You didn’t have to; you could let them burn you at the stake…your choice.

If you had any money you banked and shopped in a world ruled by monopolies.  You paid what they told you to pay and you bought what the monopolies sold.  You had a choice, buy what they sold or make it yourself.  

Guns were popular especially in the west.  Everyone had one, and everyone carried one because there was pretty much no law enforcement.  It was not a good idea to piss anyone off. 

It wasn’t all bad.  There was slavery.  Slavery made much of life bearable by eliminating most of the difficult, uncomfortable jobs.  Of course it was only a good thing if you owned yourself some people.  Being owned was not so great.

They say the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Really? Look at the things in the news today that rattle the fillings of our citizenry.

We have a professional football team with a name that many find to be offensive…Oh the humanity!

Teenage workers flipping burgers at fast food restaurants are not paid a living wage.  There is a movement to pay them more.  Fast food restaurants serve unhealthy food that is making people fat.  There is a movement to put them out of business.  Success of the former movement just might result in the success of the later.  Big problem!

Cigarettes are dangerous, and people have to endure second hand smoke.  There is a movement to make them illegal or at least not allow them to be consumed within 100 feet of another human being.  Being a victim is such a problem!

Our ancestors worried about going hungry, we worry about getting fat.

Malthus argued overpopulation would cause us to run out of food.  We worry about the genetically modified food that is needed to feed our overpopulation.  Yes, we do have problems.

Our healthcare system is expensive and over complicated.  Healthcare was much easier when it consisted of a couple of doctors on horses who carried black bags and told you to get your life in order because  you were going to die.  When life expectancy goes from 45 years to 75 years it does cause problems.  There was no problem with healthcare when we had no healthcare.  Medicine was cheap when we had no medicine.  Problems!

We have too many rich people in the world today, apparently that is a problem.  Many of the poor today would be wealthy beyond people’s dreams 100 years ago.  There never used to be homeless people, only slaves and indentured servants. 

Yes we have big problems today.  Soda is a problem, it is not good for you and apparently people are forced to drink it.  Smokers are switching to electronic cigarettes.  These solve the second hand smoke issue, but isn’t it really cheating?  I think they should be stopped.  So many issues.

People who do not believe in God are forced to see symbols of other people's beliefs in public places.  OM? We do have problems!

Our problems today will be solved.  That is a good thing, but there will always be problems.  Years from now young people will march on Washington demanding more places to land their flying scooters, faster moving sidewalks, and climate controlled parks.  They will want to make meat, gluten, peanut butter, dairy, and saturated fats illegal.  Tobacco products will be non-existent. 

There will be marijuana.

Shouldn’t it be free?

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

Friday, May 23, 2014


 New Yorkers sometimes have a bad reputation.  They are rude, aggressive, pushy and cold.  Some of this is true.  In a city as large as New York it is difficult to be friendly.  Friendly people get ripped off.  Polite people get taken advantage of.  Warm and fuzzy people are suckers.  In a big city you need to stay ever alert and vigilant of others who are out to take advantage of you, so yes, sometimes New Yorkers are rude, aggressive, pushy and cold.  However, when the chips are down, when help is needed, New Yorkers are as compassionate, helpful and downright nice as anyone else…maybe even more so.

One thing for sure, New Yorkers get stuff done, and they get it done quickly.  To get a taste of this, visit a New York Deli in the morning.  Don’t hem and haw over your order, there will be New Yorkers three deep ready to step ahead of you and shout their order.   Decide what you want before you even enter the Deli, and be ready to order as soon as the person on the other side of the counter makes eye contact.

Now you better be ready to pay, because your order will have been entered in seconds, your egg sandwich will be cooking and in less than a minute it will sail fully rapped from the grill dude for the man at the counter to grab one-handed above his head, slam it into a bag and tell you “$2.99 please!”  It is a thing of beauty.

New Yorkers get things done.

Many years ago while working for a large brokerage company we had a slight emergency.  I will not go into details because they would only bore you and I forget most of them anyway.  Suffice it to say some three-thousand security symbols from the Canadian Stock Exchange were accidently deleted by our good friends up North.   It was two o'clock, and those symbols needed to be added back by five o’clock or processing would be delayed and a whole lot of bad stuff would follow.

I got a call from up north.  “Can the computer guys reinstate yesterday’s file? Eh.”

Well yes, but this was years ago and it was not such an easy procedure (hard for any IT person to believe now, but sadly at the time true.)

“They tell me they can do it, but it will take until after five o’clock to make the program change.”

“Five o’clock that is too late eh!  What are we going to do?”

“Well you could add them all manually.”

“No way eh, there are over 3000 symbols; we could never get them finished in time for processing.”

“Can you fax me the list of symbols that were deleted?”

“Eh?  What good will that do?  We need a program to be written to add them back!”

“Fax them to me and I’ll see what we can do.”

I received the list of symbols, enlisted three New Yorkers, and the file was manually reinstated symbol by symbol before four o’clock.

New Yorkers can be rude, aggressive, pushy and cold, but dammit they get shit done!