This post is for men only. Move on women, nothing to see here.
Are the women gone? Are we good? Ok, listen up dudes:
After 68 years above ground, three marriages and a couple of screwed up relationships to boot, I have the answer as to why none of us understand women.
EVERYTHNG IS A TEST!!
When they say
“I don’t really want anything for my anniversary.”
IT IS A TEST!
If you don’t get them more than a card, YOU FAIL. If you don’t even get a card, you fail with great prejudice. When you do buy something nice they will say,
“I told you not to get me anything! Aww, it’s ok, I forgive you.”
Congratulations, you passed the test.
When the garbage is almost full, she will not tell you because, IT IS A TEST! If you do not take it out before she tells you, YOU FAILED THE TEST!
I grant you, if you take it out too soon she will point out your misuse of space and waste of money on excess garbage bags, but trust me that is part of the test…no one said this was easy.
If she tells you to
“Please take out the garbage”
YOU FAILED THE TEST! If she adds,
“Why do I always have to tell you?” You failed with great prejudice.
When your woman makes any change to her hair. IT IS A TEST. If you do not notice, YOU FAILED. If you do notice and say you like the change, she will ask,
“Really, I think it may be too short.”
That is also a test. You must respond that you really loved it long, but the new cut is cute. This will be a pass. If you agree it is too short, YOU FAILED THE TEST.
Hint: Any time your lady leaves the house, when she returns you ask, “Did you do something different? You look extra nice today.” This is cheating, but it assures you will not fail a pop quiz.
If she asks would you like to go out to dinner, the answer is always,
“Yes, you could use a break from the kitchen.”
Any other answer is a FAIL.
When she asks where you would like to go to dinner, do not answer,
“I don’t know where do you want to go?”
This is a FAIL.
The correct answer is
“How about something nice, you deserve fancy?”
If she wants casual dining she will tell you and still you have passed the test.
There is much more of course, and you all know the easy ones,
“Does this dress make me look fat?”
“You’re not going to wear that are you?”
“Was my dinner OK?” Actually if she has to ask you failed…but some serious gushing could buy you a pass.
Anyway guys the point is, the reason it is hard to understand women is because everything is a test to see if you care! If you are not sure of what she really wants when she asks a question, suggests something unusual, or reacts in an unusual way, ASSUME IT IS A TEST. Try and act in a way that indicates you care. Take your time, some questions have a trick answer, but take too long and you automatically fail.
And remember, if you do fail, there is always extra credit for flowers and candy.
If you trip up on a final exam it may take jewelry.
Good luck, and be careful out there.