I DO IT MY WAY
Guys, do you argue with your wife about how to do a household chore?
I work at home, my wife is near
The fate I face, is almost certain
And to all, I’ll say it clear
If I do it wrong, I will be hurtin
I’ve been told, my way is bull
It is her way, or else the highway
I know for sure, she will be pissed, but I do it my way
I am not a Sinatra fan, but when I have chores around the house I cannot get this song out of my head.
It is not my wife; it is all women, or at least all women I’ve ever married. Chores must be done the wife’s way.
If a women is around do not even bother loading the dishwasher. Wait until she leaves the room. Then load it and quick start it up. When it is finished you must also unload. If you don’t she will see and complain that you put knives in pointy end up. She will laugh at your poor usage of space and complain that you wasted water doing the last six glasses by hand…then she will rewash those six glasses. You will be assaulted for putting Tupperware in the washer and assailed for having to fingernail scrape baked-on breakfast egg.
She is gone, there’s a job to do
I do it with, all good intention
I do what I have to do, and I do it with my own invention
She will say your way is worse; you turn a job in to a play-day
It’s more, much more than this, I do it my way
I will do laundry, but I will not separate. I will jam the machine till it bursts, add soap and nothing else. As long as she doesn’t see, then colors never run and everything comes out white, bright, stains outta sight.
“Yes, I separated. Yes I used color guard. Yes I did multiple loads I said I separated didn’t I? Damn, I know how to do laundry.”
Yes, there are times I lie. She can’t tell
The clothes are clean, they do not smell
The job is done, there is no doubt
I chewed it up, and I spit it out
I had to dare, to grow a pair, and do it my way
I will clean bathrooms but only when she is at work. Everything is sprayed with Windex, and the floors are mopped by wearing old socks and doing my best imitation of the New York Rangers.
The toilet’s clean without Ajax
The sink is bright, the mirror clear
I finished up, I wipe my brow, and I have a cold beer
The difference is like night and day
The best part of all, I have to say
Because you were gone, I did it wrong
But I did it my way
The lyrics are bad, the meter wrong
I never said, I could pen a song
Guys I know, you get the point
Don’t do a job, till she leaves the joint
She’ll never know, just let her go
And do it your way
Scooby Dooby Do Baby!