Mrs. Cranky and I have been together for six years. We have been married for about three and a half years. It recently occurred to me that we do not have “pet” names for each other.
Oh, she sometimes calls me Cranky, or just Old Man, but nothing that I would associate with a personal pet moniker. When she calls me Joe, it means I’ve done something bad, so that doesn’t work. I usually just call her Kare. That is almost a pet name, like "Cara Mia Mine." Ok that’s a stretch but it is better than Cranky, or Old Man.
I decided she should have an appropriate name of affection for me. My previous wives had affectionate names for me. Honey, Sweetie, you know, stuff like that. Apparently those names did not work very well. Honey and Sweetie got left behind for greener pastures.
Those names just won’t do. I don’t believe them anymore anyway. I think the problem with previous marriages is I was not properly respected. I want Mrs. Cranky to call me something that indicates respect. I decided she should call me “M’Lord.”
M’Lord. It just screams respect and adoration. I could use some respect and adoration. I deserve respect and adoration.
The other night in bed, just before we were preparing to turn in for the night I told Mrs. C.
“From now on, I would like you to call me a name that indicates respect, not Cranky, or Old Man.”
“O k a y.” She responded in that drawn out way that says “I’m listening, but I don’t think I’m going to like it.”
“From now on, I expect to be addressed as M’Lord. It would indicate respect and adoration. I deserve respect and adoration.”
“M’Lord? Good luck with that!”
“What…is that too much to ask?”
“Oh no, certainly not; no problem at all. Good night M’Lord.”
Mrs. Cranky then rolled over away from me.
“Oh, and turn off the TV. M’Lord.”
I’m not sure, but I think before she drifted off to sleep I heard her mumble,
Maybe I’ll just stick with Cranky, or Old Man.