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Friday, May 9, 2014

STEP CHILDREN


STEP CHILDREN

Another cranky therapy session, move along, nothing to see here.

Dang, this blog is way cheaper than seeing a shrink!

 

I once knew a lady who claimed that having step-children was more difficult than parenting your natural children.  She often said that she was more proud of her relationship with her step-son than any other relationship. 

Interesting that this lady actually had three step-children and two of them were persona non-grata even though they lived far away from home.  Also interesting is that the one step-son in whose relationship she was so proud told me that when he was around his step-mom, he always kept at least one eye open.

Coincidently this ladies step-children, who came into her life at ages 17 – 22, were my own natural children.  What a terrific step-parent to make a man choose between his wife and his children.  What an idiot parent to choose his wife.  I’m not going to say any more on that part of this post.

Step-children.

I would imagine that having very young step-children, especially from a broken home can be challenging.  I currently have two step-children who are grown up.  Grown up step-children are the best.  When they screw up…not my fault.  When they do great things…it makes me proud and happy.

I would suggest to the lady who constantly asserted that having step-children was so very difficult, maybe it was difficult because you sucked at it.  Maybe it would have been easier if you just knew how to step aside and mind your own fecking business, maybe it would have been easier if you did not make a concerted effort to piss them off and kick them out of my life.  Anyway, you missed out on some truly great relationships.  You alienated two great kids and scared the crap out of another.  Fortunately I now have the relationships with all my children back. 

In addition I also have two step-children.  They are not difficult; they are a delight…most of the time. 

14 comments:

  1. Sounds like you could write a book on this subject. I have a step and he was delightful. I wasn't hard on him either so we had a healthy relationship.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

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  2. my brother was given the 'choose me or your kids' routine w/ his 2nd wife. sadly, he chose her (and her kids) and lost many years with his 2 girls.

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  3. I just don't understand why anyone would make someone choose. That's horrible.

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  4. I lucked out with one step-parent--she always treated me like her own. Also she really wanted a daughter and never had one of her own, so she liked having a little girl to dress up and play dolls with. Despite the fact that said little girl had more interest in climbing trees and playing with nerf guns...

    Glad you got a good relationship back with your kids. That's the most important thing!

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  5. Two many people use children as pawns in a nasty game of emotional chess. I've never had any step children but I like to think I'd treat them well. Take care.

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  6. Like Mich said, I'm glad you got them all back.

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  7. I never understood how a parent could chose a new spouse over children. Good you moved on.

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  8. It can be an awkward situation.

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  9. I have two steps. They are grown now, but were 6-7 when we first met. They actually enjoyed spending their time at our house more with me than with their dad, probably because I was not the chore-assigner and consequence-dealer. I had a blast shopping for Christmas, and stuffing back-to-school backpacks. I do admit to ONE TIME swatting the youngest on the behind with my hand, because he did not stop picking up merchandise and carrying it around a Silver Dollar City shop after being told twice. We both got over it.

    The worst time was the early teens, when their mom refused to let them visit for a whole year. Their dad went to pick them up every time, but she sent their older half-brother (who he had raised from a baby like his own sons) out to the car to say, "They ain't comin'." At least they knew he did kept trying.

    Thanks for the therapy.

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  10. My brother and I have a step-father and three step-sisters. For the most part, we all get along, but my 80 year old step-father as recently been diagnosed with very mild symptoms of Alzheimer's. One of the step-sisters has already claimed the two cars that my mom and step-father "currently" drive. Time to revamp the wills before things get ugly.

    I know this is different from your story, but I can picture all of what you said because of my own blended family. I'm glad you fixed things with the kids. You not only have them, but the grandkids, too.

    I'm the 10th commenter. We'll give you the discounted shrink rate.

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  11. I too am glad your relationship with your children has mended. I don't have any steps, probably never will. I'm sure it is a balancing act to learn to live together with all involved, blended, whatever you want to call it, yet I don't think a person should alienate their spouse's children and cause disrupt; something is definitely wrong there.

    betty

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  12. Making someone choose is bad enough, but alienating the step children is worse. How could she?

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  13. Not meaning to get deep, but my dad chose his step-kids over my siblings and me. For years this fact deeply bothered me but I have come to accept it and have long since moved on. I was lucky enough to have a terrific grandfather and uncles.

    The funny part is that my siblings are quite a bit younger than me and a few years ago started a new relationship with our father. I tried to join in but the rift is just to great.

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  14. As you know my youngest son is my step son. I don't use that term unless I have to. He is my son. I raise him. I feed, clothe make sure he showers, brushes his teeth, goes to school and does his homework. I get up with him when he is sick and I comfort him when he is hurt. He is my baby. Anyone who looks at "step" children as step children and not their child, should not be in said relationship. Sorry. Pet peeve of mine.

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