“HOW’s IT GOING?”
Have you ever had a friend that doesn’t know anything about you? You know this guy, everyone knows at least one. He is the guy that you should never ask “How’s it going.” “How’s it going” is really not a question, but to this guy it is and you may not really care how it is going, what the hell, he’s going to tell you anyway. His conversations are always one way.
“Hey Joe, How ya doin?”
“Yo Ralph, you know, pretty good, how’s it going?”
“How’s it going? I just got back from Vegas, one week vacation.”
Now you pretty much have to ask.
“Vegas, make any money?”
“Yeah, I hit for a couple of thou at craps. I owned the dice; I hit everything, 7, 11, made every point…”
This goes on for about twenty minutes. At one point he pauses to catch his breath so I butt in with some bull shit just to get his attention.
“Yeah, I been busy too; I went to the Artic for an all-inclusive vacation and found gold; then…”
“Gold? I met up with Artie Gold in Vegas, that son-of-a bitch. I told him hey Artie, you going to pay me that grand you owe me from…”
Of course I have no idea who Artie Gold is, but douche bag could care less. Fifteen minutes later I try and change the subject.
“Hey you know I’m getting a divorce don’t ya. The wife’s leaving me just because my penis fell off from that syphilis thing.”
“Really that is a shame, hey speaking of penises did I tell you I got a raise recently…”
After another twenty minutes of “This is my Life” I finally make an excuse to get away.
“That’s just great, wish I could hear more, but I gotta go, just got a tweet, my house is on fire.”
“OK, great talking with you, we should get together soon…did I mention…”
Dang I hate that guy.
I know, you’re going to say I should just tell him he’s an asshole and he should shut the frig up.
I tried that once.
“Right back attcha, hey speaking of assholes, did I tell you about…”