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Monday, April 7, 2014

IF I HAD TEN WISHES - a cranky re-run

IF I HAD TEN WISHES
Still vacationing, but re-runs are easy.  This re-run is from April 2011, one of my first posts...note how much I have mellowed.

1.     I wish I had a nickel every time a politician said “The American People want…”

2.    I wish people would receive a small electric shock every time they said “awesome dude”, “aaight”, ”you know”, or “we was conversatin.”

3.    I wish my ex-wives would come down with a rare disease which would cause them to hic-cup “Camptown Racetrack” four times a day.

4.    I wish at a meeting with the Pope, the Heads of all major protestant churches, The top Rabbi’s from all the Jewish sects, the Major Mullah’s from all of Islam, the biggest Buddhist, and the highest Hindi;  Jesus, Mohammad, Moses, and Buddha would walk in holding hands and yell “JUST FRIGGIN STOP IT!”

5.    I wish everybody called Snooki, Zelda.

6.    I wish the guy in the blue Camry who cut me off and gave me the finger yesterday on the Garden State Parkway would develop incurable BO.

7.    I wish I could wiggle my nose and fuck with anyone named Darren.

8.    I wish scientists would develop a cure for all diseases except the Camptown Racetrack hic-cup thing and incurable BO.

9.    I wish that the first woman President of the United States will be named Bambi.

10.  I wish the New England Patriots would go undefeated for a whole season only to lose the Super Bowl to the NY Giants.

One out of ten ain’t bad!
 

16 comments:

  1. #7 yeah ...the oldest grandson is named Darren (the PHG's older son).
    He's almost 30 and can handle it.

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  2. These are some good wishes. Yes indeed. I can change the ex-wives to ex-husbands. That will work.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  3. I had to read #7 twice before I understood what you meant. I thought you only wanted to f*&K guys and only guys named Darren.

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  4. That nose wiggle thing would be great. Except I'd like to expand it to people beyond just those named Darren. :)

    S

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  5. #9 Isn't Hillary's nickname Bambi??

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  6. 3 years later and if you could get that first one to pay off you would really get much richer now!

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  7. Your right "ya know." Hell I'm not even a jock....

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  8. These are great wishes. Downright awesome, dude!

    Except, who is Snooki, who is Darren, who are the New England Patriots, and who are the NY Giants?

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  9. hey, the one that came true beats the rest combined in pure satisfaction.

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  10. That small electric shock must also be administered to people who say, "...and whatnot."

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  11. Can a select group of us just force the entire population to wear those shock collars, and then we can shock anyone who annoys us? I think I would enjoy that.

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  12. #7 - Darren Sutton was the play-by-play announcer for the Arizona Diamondbacks for a few years until management got tired of him and canned him. So that's one.

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  13. I'm guilty of you know what. #3 Cracked me up. And #9 left me a little hopeful. Anyone named Bambi is gonna be a hell of a lot smarter than anyone named Palin. Not that that should be the measuring stick or anything...

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  14. I like your fourth wish. If only....
    I'd wish for tooth decay to disappear from the world forever and for everyone that has it to lose their teeth and grow a new perfect set.
    Impossible, but you know what they say. If you're going to dream, then dream BIG.

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  15. Ha ha .... very much agree on point No 2

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