THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Sunday, March 23, 2014
STUPID HEADLINES 032314
STUPID HEADLINES 032314
is once again time for:
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
One headline is completely made up, guess the fake and win a
mention and a Whoop-tee-do.
Doctors perform rare C-section on gorilla – Strangely
enough, most gorillas prefer natural birth…pant, pant, blow…pound your
chest…pant, pant, blow…pound your chest.
Professor cooks up recipe for turning wood chips into food – Couldn’t that make you Sick Or More?Woodn’t it taste like Ash?Hey,
Yew never know.OK, I’m Elmost
done.Make sure to Spruce up before
dinner.See dare I go again, but I’m
done now, by Gum.*
Baptist churches giving away guns to attract new members – I hope the Post Office doesn’t think this is a good way to hire carriers.
Jurors award nearly half-million dollars to handyman who slayed 7 at
suburban restaurant – Dang, that’s over $70,000 per
murder…who said crime doesn’t pay?
Hangman resigns after seeing gallows for first time – Well it was only a part time job anyway.(See how I avoided any bad “Its noose to me” pun…well I almost avoided
49ers Coach Jim Harbaugh Does Push-Ups
With a Walrus – That’s illegal in 16 New Jersey counties!
Atheist Group Objects To The Term
“Crosswalk” – Group insists on naming pedestrian section
President Obama reveals
Final Four picks for NCAA March Madness– Harry Reid,
Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Hilary Clinton?This is college basketball Mr. President!
Man finds egg worth $33.3 million – Now he is looking for the hen.
A State With No Song: Decades-long fight to get NJ an
anthem drags on – Val, if you dare suggest “Dirty
Water” I will unfriend you!**
Hawaii law allows undercover police officers to have sex with prostitutes –
I think this is wrong even if it is done under the covers.
200,000 bitcoins in old wallet – I have researched and studied this subject extensively and this is what
it means to me: Blah, blah, money sort
of, blah, fake, blah rip off, geeks, blah, blah, blah, ruined, not safe, yada,
yada, yada, future, not, nerd, blah, mine computer, blah, blah, blah!
*They say puns are the lowest form of humor,
actually the lowest form of humor is really bad puns.
I'm really hoping
its the saliva one. I would say the conceived in bathroom one but let's face it
that's pretty common. The spit one should be a real one. I know a few people
that drool all the time. I wish they would swallow it or something. I have had
many a spit bath while talking to them.
You can find Mylinda @ http://pmmkpl.blogspot.com/(I may have misspelled her name, but she
probably can’t see it anyway) just check out this amazing lady she always has a