Mrs. C and I went to Friendly’s today, after a visit to the doctor. I ordered a BLT. It wasn’t just a BLT though, it was:
“Perfectly grilled applewood smoked bacon merged with crisp iceberg lettuce, fresh ripe red tomato, all on delicious, perfectly toasted sourdough bread with just the right amount of mayo.”
I would have described the BLT as:
“Bacon, lettuce and tomato on toast, with mayo if you want.”
I don’t think I would be a very good menu writer, and yet:
Why is bacon today always “Applewood smoked bacon?” What is so friggin special about applewood?
If I order a sandwich with lettuce, I sort of just expect it to be crisp.
“Oh I’m sorry sir did you order crisp lettuce? We charge extra for crisp, most of our customers prefer limp lettuce.”
Most tomatoes are red, aren’t they? Because when I order something with tomatoes I don’t believe I need to request, “red, not green” do I? And really, if the tomato is not fresh please just tell me you are all out of tomatoes.
I have to question the perfectly toasted bread thing. What is perfect? Can I have it my way? Lightly toasted, or toasted golden brown or burnt to a crisp if I want…I’ll tell you what is perfectly toasted!
What the hell is the just right amount of mayo? Can I decide, or is there a mayo standard? How about putting a blob of mayo on the side and I’ll decide what is the perfect amount.
Apparently bullshit sells.
This always pisses me off at a restaurant; al dente pasta! I like my pasta soft and limp (don’t even go there Scott P.) Is there some rule that pasta has to be al dente? I think people order pasta al dente just because it sounds sophisticated and worldly. I don’t care, I’m old. When I order my pasta I ask, “And boil the crap outa it, I like it limp and mushy.”
Cheese used to be Swiss or American. I always just like Velveeta. I know it is not really cheese, but is a “cheese like product.” Cheese today seems to suddenly always be Asiago Cheese. Sometimes they even call it “The” Asiago cheese like it is something everyone demands but is so difficult to find. Did they just invent Asiago cheese?
I love this one, “Were running some specials today.” Today’s restaurant special is yesterday’s crap that didn’t sell out.
Descriptions and names are what push the product at a restaurant.
I love Chilean sea bass. I’m not so sure I would order the “Patagonian Toothfish.”
|Chilean Sea Bass/Patagonian Toothfish...same thing!|
I’ll take mine without the head please.