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Thursday, February 27, 2014

NO, YOU PULL AROUND ME!


NO, YOU PULL AROUND ME!

It has been awhile, time for a rant.

 

Do you ever get pissed off at the old dude in the middle lane going the exact speed limit?  Why won’t he move to the right?  Why do I have to move over to pass him?  There is no one ahead of him.  Move over ass hole!!

Well I am the old dude.  I am the old dude doing the speed limit in the middle lane.  I like the middle lane.  I don’t have to pull out to pass the really slow drivers on the right.  I don’t like the left lane, because they all speed too much.  So when you pull up to my back fender and flash your lights and honk your horn and wave your arms, I will not pull over, I will not speed up, I will slow down just a bit.  I don’t want to move over, I like the middle lane.  Here is an idea…YOU PULL THE FRIG AROUND ME!!

I know I piss people off.  People that assume if the speed limit is 60 everyone should be going at least 70.  When I do kick it up to 70 there is always some asshole with a little pecker that has to weave in and out in his BMW (yes it is ALWAYS a BMW…EVERYTIME) and still gets whizzed off at my speed, so yes, you STFU and PULL THE FRIG AROUND ME.

I drive the speed limit.  Drive too slow and you are a danger to others.  Drive too fast and you are not able to stop or pull around an unexpected impediment.  There is a reason for a speed limit.  Some expert has determined that there is a given speed that it is the safest for cars to maintain.  As much as I think experts are full of crap most of the time, it makes sense to me to have a speed which everyone should strive to maintain in order to have some order on the highways.

I may piss you off, but in 50 years I have only been involved in two accidents.  In one, some jerk pulled to the right to change lanes at about five miles an hour and did not bother to look first.  I was on his right, waiting for the traffic in front of me to move.  It happened years ago.  I don’t remember for sure, but I assume he was driving a BMW.

The second accident was on the turnpike.  A torrential thunderstorm struck and foolish me, I slowed down to about 40.  I slowed down because I could not see at 60 miles per hour, and the rain was so heavy I was afraid if I had to stop or slow down I would hydroplane and not be able to control my car.  The guy behind me did not believe in slowing down.  He did not see me as he approached at 60 MPH.  When he did, he slammed on the brakes and guess what?  The idiot in the BMfrigginW hydroplaned and slammed into my rear!

I have had two speeding tickets in my life, both were speed traps.  The first was two weeks after I got my license.  A cop waited at the bottom of a hill where the limit changed from 35 to 25 and he stopped every car that passed his way…including me.  The second was on a 15 mile stretch of the Rhode Island Turnpike where “roadwork” (there was none at the time) forced the 65MPH limit down to 35MPH.  Four cops pulled cars over eight at time, as fast as they could and handed out tickets.  When I left with my ticket in hand I tried to drive at the required 35 MPH until I was almost rear-ended three times.

So yes, I am the old dude that is pissing you off.  I don’t drive slowly, I drive the legal limit.  My driving has served me well for 60 years. I don’t intend to change.  So instead of tailgating, honking or flashing your lights, here is an idea…YOU PULL AROUND AND PASS! And as you flip me the bird and call me an asshole, know that I am responding right back,

“Fuck you, you little shit; you and your needle dick and your BMfrigginW!”

Ah, that feels better.

18 comments:

  1. I am a middle-lane-driver myself! I don't understand why people tail me in the middle lane and get annoyed if I am going the speed limit, why can't they just pass me on the left like you're supposed to??

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  2. Totally agree!
    As I remember, and was taught - the left lane is (allegedly legally) the PASSING LANE, the right lane the exit lane... too slow? Go LEFT and pass me! Don't like it, too darn bad! I'm not getting in the right lane unless I'm exiting. I like the middle lane too!

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  3. yeah, we dodge BMWs and Audis here all the time. or should i say, some folks dodge 'em. after much research found that the intent of the speed limit is that traffic will actually run 5-10 mph over that which is why they usually don't enforce until you hit 10 over. i split the diff and run at 5 over, saves a few close calls here and there.

    have never got a speeding ticket and the 2 times i was pulled over were police mistakes. a bit awkward when you have to point out to a cop that he's wrong about the limit.

    been rear-ended several times but only caused one accident when i followed someone a bit too close and he locked the brakes whilst i was distracted by a BMW that was illegally passing on the shoulder.

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  4. It seems road rage has become an epidemic in today's society. A woman pulls out in front of me from a side-street, I slam on brakes screeching to a halt, she slams on brakes screeching to a halt, and I miss her car by a couple feet. What does she do? She has this angry look on her face and her arms shrugged up at the shoulders, palms up as if saying, "WTF are you doing?!"

    "Bitch, my alertness just saved your stupid ass!"

    Seriously, people are in their own little worlds when it comes to the highway. It scares me. It really does!

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  5. Middle lane?
    What's that?
    Here we have a right lane for semis and a left lane for the semis going two miles per hour faster than the semis in the right lane.

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  6. Hubby and I go the speed limit too. One day we were coming home from the boat and we're driving on highway 12. It's a two lane road and it's very dangerous. Lots of fatalities over the years. This idiot in a pickup truck is having a meltdown behind us...tailgating and screaming. He finally passed us and flipped us the bird. Off he went.

    A couple of miles down the road the CHP had him pulled over and I'm sure were writing him a ticket. We went by and honked and waved. Karma does happen now and then.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. I was passed by someone driving a Cooper Mini the other day with a license plate that said "AMUSEME". I watched as the car darted from lane to lane, passing other cars. I caught up to it at a traffic light and followed it into a parking lot for a big box store just to see what the driver looked like. When she got out, she was a grey-haired woman of around 55. I can't imagine what her rush was . . we both got to the store at the same time and I was doing the speed limit.

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  8. Whoo-hoo, some one else needs a good dose of spring sunshine.

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  9. You are grossly mistaken, Cranky. I was NOT driving a BMW. ;)

    I agree with Xavier....I usually drive 5 over around town, 10 over on the highway. In both cases that is just keeping pace with the other traffic. Around here there are lots of wide open, not heavily traveled roads where the speed is set ridiculously low. We call them "revenue enhancement zones".

    S

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  10. Scott - Not heavily traveled road? I've heard about them, but I have never seen one in New Jersey.

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  11. Hey now wait a minute....I drive a BMfrigginW (when I'm not toting 10 kids around, that is my second car) I drive very responsibly, just so you know. Yeah, I drive a little over the speed limit in that thing, but I never pull up behind old people and honk. You know why I don't do that? Because I can easily GO AROUND them!!!

    And I'll tell you what, when I'm driving that van of mine (15 passenger Chevy Express) I drive the speed limit, too!! I just don't feel safe going any faster in that thing. Any faster than 65 mph and I swear it started shaking (my husband says I'm imagining that, but I know I'm not.)

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  12. I'm glad you got that off your chest. I'm a pokey driver and seldom exceed the speed limit. I'm seldom in a hurry to get anywhere so cars tend to zip around me. And to make matters worse, I'm that old fart who drives twenty miles with my left turn signal on.

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  13. Oh I am so glad I moved to the land of two lane mountain roads. I even did a post on how mannerly the road etiquette is here.
    When I venture into the untamed areas of the state, like you I do the speed limit or a few MPH over and let the others fight for road space. Bet I live longer.

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  14. Speed limits? There are speed limits?

    Lemme tell you, on the German Autobahn there is no speed limit!

    Actually, I'm a very responsible driver and have never gotten a speeding ticket.

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  15. Let's get us a convoy of speed-limit drivers, and travel across the land letting traffic pile up behind us.

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  16. Exactly why I'll never return to a larger city with all it's lanes. Now I can drive the same as all the other country bumpkins around here…. and I do.

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